Tony Robbins is not my guy

I was recently in Miami for Tony Robbins’ Unleash the Power Within. I had listened to Tony’s podcast many times and watched Tony Robbins: I am Not your Guru but outside of that, I really had no idea what to expect. I purposely went in that way.

In the weeks leading up to the event, I got quite a few messages from people that were “surprised I’d go to an event like this.” And for good reason—these friends and family members know me well. This kind of event is usually NOT my jam.

And it still isn’t.

Let’s start with some positives:

I met some cool people. People come to these events from near and far to learn how to transform their lives, which I can appreciate. I heard stories from people who came to look for the courage to end mediocre relationships, who were unhappy in their jobs, had experienced tragedy and loss, were trying to conquer new skills, etc. It takes a lot of motivation and discipline to hop on a plane to spend 4 days (and nights) learning how to better yourself.

The firewalk was awesome. My mom hit me up in like 5 different ways to tell me to “keep my shoes on” (thanks mom ??) but just like a rebellious teenager, I did not take her advice. My friend got a little blistered but I walked away totally fine. It was a rush and I’m glad I did it.

Finally, the room was fun to be in… for a while. The energy was way higher for way longer than typical conferences (for good reason—this came with dancing, jumping, chanting, etc.). The man is a great storyteller and his time on stage did not drag on like it would for the vast majority of other people that barely leave the stage for 15 hours a day.

But despite all of this, I ultimately would not sign up to attend another UPW. Here’s why:

There is not a one-size-fits-all strategy for personal development, but Tony and (some of) his followers seem to think there is.

I heard a lot of people say I would end up “opening up and liking the event” but I don’t think it’s a matter of being “open.” I like my learning in small doses—podcasts, books, short workshops, etc. Efficiency is very valuable to me and parts of the program dragged on (and on… and on… and on…).

For example, we prepared for the firewalk for OVER TWO HOURS. There were literally four instructions and the walk itself takes 10 seconds. I didn’t really need to hear about everyone that’s ever imitated Tony Robbins’ firewalk and burned a bunch of people.

I have a lot of other ideas about how I could best spend 50+ hours of my life.

During the event, I mentioned to someone that didn’t think cold showers were for me and she said, “you just gotta do it.”

I don’t, though.

Success is 100% about knowing yourself and finding a routine that works for you. I have that routine. I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I work out more days a week than I don’t, and I drink tons of water. I’ve tried a lot of other strategies and it while they work for other people, they felt over-programmed to me.

I’ve marched to the beat of my own drum my entire life.

And I like my showers hot as hell.

I knew there would be a lot of dancing and chanting, but WHOA.

This part is a very fun experience for some people and I think I was mostly a good sport about the dancing and jumping. Like I said, these strategies keep the energy in the room high and I’ve always liked blasting club music in the middle of the day.

But when we were chanting “yes. yes. yes.” with fire blazing on the screens and Tony pounding some giant sticks together, I wondered if I was about to join a cult. And I kind of did: the cult of Tony Robbins.

I was really rubbed the wrong way by some of the program.

There was a lot of commentary about religion and politics. Yes, everyone has their opinions, and I respect people no matter who they vote for or what God they believe in. But at the end of the day, those opinions are not what I came for.

Tony had commentary for both sides of the aisle politically, so that wasn’t awful.

But he does NOT seem to like non-believers.

I can certainly respect leaders like Tony Robbins that believe in God. The vast majority of his followers likely do, too. But those who don’t believe aren’t “confused” and I find generalizations like that ridiculous.

Speaking of generalizations and opinions I could do without, here are more:

Women think men need their guidance. Men, do you want to be ‘controlled’ by your women? Say no! (People in the audience thought this was funny. I did not.)

Men use physical violence and women use verbal violence! But you can’t hit a woman! (I don’t even get this one.)

Millennials are used to whining for their way and being coddled! (When can we start picking on the next generation? I think us Millennials have paid our dues.)

Tony Robbins would probably even call me a “sensitive millennial” for writing this article. ???♀? So be it.

Finally, I don’t need a side of shame with my personal development.

I learned that if you don’t believe Tony is a god of some sort, or you have questions about him, his legitimacy, his research, or the way he presents information… you should probably say nothing.

I tried to be very careful about how I talked about my feelings around the event. A lot of people there paid a lot of money to attend and really enjoyed themselves, and for them I’m glad.

But I was given a lot of weird looks when I mentioned that I didn’t love the commentary and ultimately that this type of event isn’t for me. When I said I fundamentally disagreed with the way he talks about women, some of the people around me HADN’T EVEN HEARD the comments.

Perhaps I was listening more closely for these statements after some of the articles I read about Tony Robbins prior to the event.

(A few of you have commented about the sexual assault allegations against Tony Robbins. I heard about this just before the event and ultimately decided to attend. This wasn't an easy choice—on one hand, I hated what I was reading, and on the other, I didn't want to let down my friend that I'd agreed to go with. I think this set me up to dislike the event from the start.)

While this event wasn’t for me, I think everyone has a choice and should do what they deem is best for them.

Short of joining an actual cult.

In conclusion

I had a lot of time to think about how I actually WANT to spend my time during this event.

In the spirit of doing what’s best for me, I did end up leaving the event early and reallocating some of those hours to setting myself up for success in 2020. I’m happy I did.

I came back to Milwaukee feeling happier, clearer and more prepared than ever... just not for the reasons I thought I would.