Tolerance

Tolerance.???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????By Jesse Lopez???????????????????????????

Have you ever thought about all the time you’ve wasted? Standing in line, sitting in traffic, or sitting in waiting rooms—we all hate wasting time on things we deem unworthy. Truth is, most of our time isn’t wasted on these moments or situations, but rather the people we choose to keep closest in our lives. We hold certain expectations on each other with our own ideas of how others should act and treat us. Unfortunately, this causes us much pain and turmoil. Assuming that others think of our intentions before their own is a fallacy we are all guilty of. We tend to forget that we get out what we put in. Meaning, if you want people to treat you right, you must treat them with the same dignity. Ah, the golden rule most of us learned about in kindergarten has resurfaced as the key to unlocking what makes people love you or hate you.

We all want to be loved and respected and we despise those who don’t fall in line with our own ideas. Try a thing called tolerance! Tolerance is this amazing gift we can give our brain, heart, and soul. You see, we have been lied to for all of our lives being told we are all equal. Now, conceptually, we are all equal in the sense that we have our civil liberties and have the opportunities that impose our human and governmental rights. But in reality, we are all so very different. We are products of our own environments and heritage. A tall person is not the same as a short person, just as a skinny person isn’t the same as someone plumper and robust. Each person struggles with their own genetics, feelings and mental stability, and physical appearance. These struggles create the reality we each live in. What we lack in one area becomes overcompensated in other areas of our lives. Establishing personality traits and characteristics that form our personalities and image.

As we develop and mature, these ideas of ourselves becomes the reality, world and universe our minds live in. We stop being considerate of others and assume, “they should just be like me.” We assume people should think and react like we do. We fantasize about what we would do if we were in other people’s shoes, never fully knowing or understanding the situation, circumstances or back story of facts. Nope! Just, “this is what you should do,” or “this is what I would have done.” As if we are all gurus and walking encyclopedias filled with endless knowledge. In a world full of experts and know-it-alls, we tend to find our social tribe within humanity where we’re excepted and most comfortable. Sociology calls this our social group; our first social group is your family or guardians that raised you during your upbringing. As we start discovering our own personal likes and dislikes, we magnetize to people who share the same interest, creating common grounds for discussions and interactions with one another. As a child we get along with other children that play the same sports and games as we do. Talk about literature we like and share in common. Most of this knowledge we understand in our childhoods and youth is forced on us by or social groups and economic standings.

A wealthy child might see new places in their family’s travels, while a less financially stable family might only travel or vacation seldomly during the same years of a child’s adolescence. Each experience becomes a memory that is harbored in our minds. When someone lets us down or hurts our feelings, we tend to heal our proverbial wounds and establish barriers and walls against the feeling of pain to desensitizes ourselves as a way to protect our feelings and emotions. Just as a cut becomes a fresh wound, to a scab, then scaring us as a reminder to us of our injuries and shortcomings, our ego, pride, and image can scar our minds effecting one’s self-esteem. So, we search and search and search for people, pets, and things that will make us feel happy, better, and safe hoping they are the answer to loneliness. This becomes one of our most vulnerable and stimulating experiences in our lives.

If we all think back far enough, we can all remember a moment that impacted us so much it altered how we viewed life. Maybe it was a humiliating moment of public embarrassment by a friend, sibling, or parent. Possibly something more stressful and traumatic like a loved one dying. No matter the case, it’s what aided in molding who you are, and write your life story. Regrettably we aren’t taught much about tolerating ourselves or the environment we were raised in. Instead, we are told to love ourselves without being giving any information on how to love ourselves. So, it becomes easy when someone or something comes along and show us love. We attach ourselves more and more to the things that show us the love we desire most, filling voids and emotional potholes that our road of life has endured along your journey. We become emotionally devout to these individuals giving them back the love we see fit for them. Like a recused animal becomes a posh pet because our guilt of their pain we assume they went through, and stress allows us to ok bad behavior and destructive habits. Providing a significant other or love interest the attention we know they’ll reward us back for, like open communication for those who suffer from jealousy, or changing life habits to make them happier. We begin making sacrifices like eat at places or cooking them the meals they like even if it’s something you yourself are not that fond of.????

That’s a lot of power! In fact, that power is what causes our heartbreak and sorrow. This is where and when we can arm ourselves with a powerful weapon that can protect emotions. Tolerance! Sounds kind of crazy I know but hear me out. The feeling of love can be intoxicating, and if the love itself is toxic it might take time to sober up to realize the love hangover that has you spinning and ready to vomit is not real love at all. Most of us fall for someone and mistake that for falling in love with someone. These are very different ideas. Love is a big commitment and responsibility. Most of us don’t understand what love really is. We think our parents are in love. We think living together, marriage and combined bank accounts are symbols of love. We’ve been taught this. Loyalty becomes a word specific to our own needs and not about the actual definition. Loyalty is judged from action by most people, instead of the action of being loyal. Sounds confusing but loyalty should mean “no matter what happens I’m here for you”. Dogs are a great example of loyalty. An alfa wolf may correct an individual out of line pack member, by biting or attacking it. Within minutes of the correction the alfa wolf may be challenged by a rogue lone wolf, the corrected and possibly injured member will fight the challenger to the death protecting the alpha.

I’m in no way condoning violence or saying that humans should start physically attacking members of social groups. It’s just rather remarkable the amazing ability to look past the hurt, embarrassment, and humiliation so quickly and protect the one that just harmed and defeated you. Some species of birds are loyal life partners, but elephants are the wilds most loyal animal. In several similar cases elephants have been known to die of starvation waiting with an injured or dying family member. Its rather intriguing how wild animals understand this concept more than the assumed civilized species.

My interpretation of loyalty has gotten me some strange looks in my life. I believe that loyalty is more primal and selfless. It is a two-way street. If you expect someone to be loyal to you, yet they cannot be an imperfect human making mistakes that could hurt you, we don’t understand the true meaning of loyalty. Being human, we all make mistakes and decisions we regret causing pain to ourselves and people we love and care about. Ture loyalty should mean you understand that you will insult and upset your loved ones, and understand in certain circumstances they will offend, and at times hurt you. Please do not interpret this as me okaying abuse or instability. Communication is the key to teaching people how they’ll treat you. Trust can be rebuilt. Loyalty means all parties are willing to work through the pain and discomfort together.

This is where tolerance becomes the key to communication. We need to learn how to tolerate our feelings, rather than react to them. The only thing we are giving from birth that is 100% ours, is our feelings. We choose to be fully in control, or out of control, of the emotions that we exhibit or retain. Our action causes our minds to only see things though our perception, fogging any outside perspective or influence. We know what’s right for us. Or so we believe that we do. These feelings we own control us in every way. From the foods we choose to eat to comfort us during sad and lonely times or deciding to cancel last minute because we didn’t get our way. We make decisions based on our feelings and emotions without ever thinking of those we’ve stood up or embarrassed due to our actions. This is where tolerance to oneself will save you. This too shall pass.

Tolerance is the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one doesn’t necessarily agree with. Tolerance is being patient, understanding and accepting of anything different. Meaning our capacity to endure pain or hardship. Tolerance is our endurance, fortitude, and stamina built by our past experiences and knowledge, creating sympathy, and indulgence for beliefs or practices differing or conflicting with one’s own beliefs. But what happens when we need to tolerate ourselves?

We must start by being honest with yourself. In the beginning of this article, I discussed wasting our lives and time on people that might not be worthy of it. We are all guilty of this, simply because we were tolerating everyone else before tolerating ourselves. This is a form of negative tolerance allowing us an opportunity to infect our lives with possible toxic individuals. By respecting yourself and giving yourself the admiration for your own existence, you will tolerate yourself. That is when the self-love begins. Tolerance leads to less stress and a greater happiness in the overall community. Tolerance means accepting that something different has the right to exist, whether or not you agree with it. That doesn’t mean it needs to be a part of your life. Being tolerant removes one’s self-imposed barriers and allows one to think more broadly and enjoy greater and inner peace, and it all starts within each one of us.