Tolerance Implies Acceptance: Teach Others How To Treat You

We've all experienced those moments where tensions escalate, misunderstandings arise, and emotions surge. By giving ourselves effective tools, we can manage these situations and reset our personal and professional expectations. When things get tense, we must approach our conversations with grace and curiosity, not only for our inner peace but also for the well-being of our relationships.

Recognize Filters and Experiences

We all have filters and experiences that shape our understanding of the world. These filters can lead us to make assumptions about others or perceive their actions in a particular way. Moments where you may think, "They always do this" or "They just don't understand" are influenced by our past experiences. When we acknowledge that these are not the truths of the moment but a trigger from the past, we can open ourselves up to build empathy and foster stronger personal and professional relationships.

Embrace Emotions

When faced with frustration, upset, or irritation due to someone's words or actions, it's essential to embrace those emotions fully. Instead of suppressing your feelings, permit yourself to explore them. It's said that each emotion lasts for about 90 seconds, so take a few deep breaths and allow yourself to understand the message behind the sentiment. Excuse yourself for a quick bathroom break if you're in a meeting or busy workplace. Once the initial sting from the emotion fades, get curious and ask, "What is this emotion trying to tell me?" When you dig deeper, you may find that your emotions are telling you a standard, value, or rule you hold dear is being violated; this profound insight can lead to constructive conversations rather than superficial solutions.

Unlock Solutions

As Tony Gaskins says, "You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce." If you want a different reality, you must take action to change it. Once you've identified the underlying issue, it's essential to ask yourself: "What would I do if I didn't want this behavior to repeat?" Approaching the situation with clarity, curiosity, and a growth mindset allows you to tap into abundance, even when time is limited, empowering you to find practical solutions in challenging personal or professional situations.

Navigating The Situation

A common challenge frustrating teams and clients is the all too common "urgent" requests. While understandable, on occasion, continuous requests to stop work and divert attention elsewhere take a toll on individuals, teams, and relationships. It's time to take action and find the right balance.

Step 1: Self-Reflection

Before addressing the issue, take a moment to self-reflect on how well you've set and adhered to expectations in the past. If this concern recurs, especially across clients, it's highly likely that expectations are not clearly defined, acknowledged, or are being outright violated. Respecting boundaries is vital for fostering valuable relationships, whether personal or professional.

Step 2: Take Ownership

Come prepared with data to support your position when engaging in the conversation. Communicate your commitment to maintaining a strong bond while setting realistic expectations. Any reasonable person will appreciate you trying to create the best possible outcome. Stop killing yourself working with unreasonable people.

Step 3: Engage in Transparent Communication

Set a dedicated time to have an honest, transparent conversation instead of dealing with matters in the heat of the moment. This approach allows you to clear your head, have a more productive, collaborative discussion, and set clear expectations for the future. For instance, you could say, "We pride ourselves on providing superior customer service to our clients. Our team felt rushed for your request this morning and last week when we had to push some tasks queued up to fit yours in. We would appreciate a 3-day lead time in situations like this in the future. What are your thoughts?" This approach helps set the stage for resetting expectations while supporting the request.

As individuals, we must establish boundaries to do our best work. As professional women, we often fall into the trap of placing the needs and wants of others over our own to avoid appearing "bitchy, bossy, or impossible to work with." These thoughts are simply not true. We are being assertive and demanding what is reasonable. Healthy relationships require boundaries where mutual understanding, respect, and value are exchanged. Remember to stand tall and remind yourself why you're having this conversation in the first place.?

It's incredible how simple open communication can transform a tense situation into a collaborative effort, fostering understanding and strengthening personal and professional bonds. Leading with curiosity and embracing your emotions doesn't mean you have to agree with everything or become a pushover. It's about understanding the nature of human experiences and recognizing that assumptions and perceptions are not absolute truths. By approaching these situations with an open mind and heart, you create space for growth, compassion, and meaningful connections in all aspects of life.

So, the next time you find yourself in a challenging situation, take a moment to pause, feel the emotions, and explore their underlying messages. Let curiosity guide you, and take steps to foster open communication.

For more insights on how to grow your network and your business, visit?www.askalicetang.com/blog/ .

I am Alice Tang, ChFC?, Financial Advisor, Speaker, and Educator. My signature trainings:

• Money Confidence Boosts Overall Confidence
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