Tolerance

Tolerance

Liberality. Sufferance. Forbearance.

Author Robert Green Ingersoll noted, “Tolerance is giving to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself.”

Veterans Day is a special day for me for three reasons.

First, I served in the United States Air Force from 1975 to 1980. I enlisted to protect American freedoms. I enlisted to protect an American Citizens right to hold whatever beliefs, values, and ideas they choose, whether I agree with them or not, as long as they do not encroach on the beliefs, values and ideas of others. I enlisted to ensure that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness remains within everyone’s reach. I must say I am proud of my service; I thank all the others that have, are or will serve as well as the families, friends and communities that support them. Tolerance of others greases the gears of a diverse country.

Second, this past Veterans Day marked my 31st wedding anniversary. Author Paul Sweeny wrote, “A wedding anniversary is the celebration of love, trust, partnership, tolerance and tenacity. The order varies for any given year.” I must say I am amazed at the grace, beauty, and strength I have gained from the relationship, and am ever grateful for the tolerance given to me by my wife, whether I deserve it or not.

Third, this past Veterans Day marked the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law’s death. The passing of someone close to you tends to put things in a different perspective. The emptiness of a space once filled with loving support, caring advice, and family values is now filled with reflections of fond memories. I must say I did not realize how much I would miss him until after he was gone. Tolerance of the changes in the family dynamics is helpful in coping with his absence.

What is Tolerance?

According to Oxford Languages, Tolerance is defined as:

1.      The ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.

2.      The capacity to endure continued subjection to something, especially a drug, transplant, antigen, or environmental conditions, without adverse reaction.

In engineering terms, tolerance is the permissible limit or limits of variation in:

1.      A physical dimension.

2.      A measured value or physical property of a material, manufactured object, system, or service

3.      Other measured values such as temperature, humidity, etc.

4.      A physical distance or space as in a truck, train or boat under a bridge or a train in a tunnel

5.      The allowed space between parts and/or components

President John F. Kennedy said, “Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one’s own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.”

Helen Keller remarked, “The highest result of education is tolerance.”

There are lots of ways in which the word tolerance is used.

My Interpretation of Tolerance

What does tolerance mean to you? Here is what it means to me.

It is okay to tolerate a difference in opinion or belief, until it encroaches on the rights of others.

It is okay to practice tolerance, but not at the expense of being bullied, pushed around, or discounted.

It is okay to tolerate an honest mistake, it’s not okay to tolerated willful, repeated bad behavior.

Tolerance at Work

When working with others, it is okay to tolerate differences in work styles, differences in performance capabilities, and differences in initial alignment of expectations and group norms. It is not okay to tolerate slacking off, malicious intent, or lack of respect.

Tolerance Examples

Tolerance levels vary from person to person, and within one person. Tolerance levels may vary from one time to another. Tolerance levels may change due to internal and external factors.

For example, I was born and raised in the mild climate of Southern California. I do not like to be out in the cold. But I will tolerate standing out in the cold for hours to cast my vote.

Another example, my soft drink of choice is Diet Coke. I will tolerate Diet Pepsi if Diet Coke is not available. My wife is not as tolerant of my affinity for these soft drinks, so at home, I use the Soda Stream version of diet cola because it does not have all the additives.

Tolerance in Community

It is important to be able to celebrate diversity in our communities. Our country is often described as a melting pot, and in my mind, it is unreasonable to think we can unmelt it. Not everyone has the view that diversity is a good thing. Not everyone has the propensity to celebrate diversity. Not everyone believes that there is strength in diversity.

Fear is a powerful motivator. We fear the unknown. We fear many things we do not understand. For some, they fear people that are markedly different from themselves, assuming a malicious intent that they think may be there, but most often is not.

It takes a good degree of moral courage to exercise tolerance and restraint when we are fearful. One way to exercise that moral courage is to learn about those that are different from us. Another way to exercise that moral courage is to hold honest, open, and frank empathetic dialog in a setting of mutual respect and personal safety.

Listening empathetically, with the intent to understand, is part of Stephen Covey’s Habit 5 in his book “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” Habit 5 is “Seek First to Understand, then to be Understood.” Listening deeply, fully, between the lines without interruption is hard. In many of our normal conversations, we continually interrupt each other, in a hurry to make our point without really understanding what our communication partner is trying to tell us. We leave many conversations unsatisfied with the outcomes, wondering why the other person does not understand us, when we have not done what is necessary to understand them.

It requires tolerance to overcome fear, to exercise moral courage, and to listen empathetically.

If we cannot bring ourselves to celebrate diversity, perhaps we can exercise tolerant behaviors to those people and cultures we do not understand. It is the wise, mature, and adult thing to do. It is the American thing to do.