They told us to follow the data ... and promptly gave us the dates

Did you notice that? 8th March - schools back, 29th March - meet another family, 12th April - get your hair cut, 21 June ALL OVER FOLKS. There was no explanation as to what data we should be looking at particularly, but I'm guessing it's hospitalisations, vaccinations, the R number and all that.

The graphs all seem to be going in the right direction and for once we Brits appear to be doing something very well indeed, so I don't know about you but I'm hopeful. Actually, I would venture to say we're world class at this vaccination thing, largely because we are good at queuing, everyone is signed up to the NHS and (despite the best efforts of the police federation and other vested interest groups) we have kept it simple.

When can I go to the pub?

12th April, apparently. The great British public has now moved on from worrying about holidays and now just wants to know when the pubs will open.

Though to be fair the great big British holiday question hasn't gone away. As I predicted, unimpressed by the job the EU did co-ordinating a vaccination programme, the Greeks are moving at pace to ensure we can spend our ￡￡ on their islands. The Spanish are hot on their heels and even the cruise industry has a glint in its eye.

I'm not sure a holiday spent in a large tin can in close proximity to thousands of other people would be my choice. Has everyone forgotten that it's less than a year ago since the number of cases reported by "country" went something like this:

1. China
2. Iran
3. The Diamond Princess

Though to be fair, a cruise would never have been anywhere near any list I would ever have made concerning holidays.

Adieu, au revoir, a bientot (or maybe not)

The one place we're unlikely to be going is France. Macron doesn't want us. My mate Olivia, who is a bit of a Francophile, put it well. Talking about Macron, she said he seemed peevish.

Peevish: adj. Hard to please, irritable, fretful, cross.

"E.g. marked by ill temper, has a peevish, even spiteful streak"

I do recognise that he has a presidential election to fight next year, and the polls are not looking great, but I really don't understand his strategy.

Why, for example, did he make such a big fuss about the supply of a vaccine that few people were pre-disposed to take, whilst at the same time going on the record to tell everyone it doesn't work anyway.

And what's with a lockdown strategy that involves telling people they can pretty do whatever they like as long as they got it done before 6pm. Including making the most of the half term holidays to enjoy the beautiful country. Which they did. Thousands, most of them from Paris, made their way to the mountains (despite the ski lifts being closed) to take in the fresh air and spectacular scenery. Or made their way down the autoroute de soleil to Nice.

Guess what. The infection rate is rising quite dramatically in Nice and 26 other departments, where lockdown lite is about to become a bit heavier. You can now do what you like as long as it's before 6pm and on a weekday.

Macron's strategy this time? To tell everyone the problem is that the UK variant is now dominant. Does this make it our fault? Does it even matter? Will we ever see France again? Will French be removed from the syllabus? (Don't ask Gav by the way).

Doublespeak

What is it about politicians that they never seem to be able to admit when they've made a mistake. Or be honest about their need to never bite the hand that feeds, to make sure they pay the ferryman and all that.

Like Nick Clegg. 2013 he was Deputy Prime Minister. Post the Leveson enquiry, he was all for state intervention to regulate the press. Fast forward to 2021 and he is Vice President for Global Affairs and Communication at Facebook. His response to Facebook shutting down access to the whole of Australia? No way should any government be getting involved in rows between the tech giants and media over paying for content. Or anything else for that matter.

Wonder what made him change his mind?

Free at Last

Who? Not Britney, that case is still dragging on. Not even Lady Gaga's dogs, although we were very happy to hear they were reunited with the owner ($500,000 reward! - did anyone claim?). No. Gavin Williamson, AKA the white rabbit who, as regular readers will know, has been shoved down a rabbit hole for the last few weeks.

Well, turns out he is free at last. This week they even let him host one of those news briefings. Complete with Q&A. Confirmed my theory, though, because he made absolutely no sense and had absolutely nothing to contribute. His time in the dark has dulled his senses even further.

How will the exam grading work? We will leave that to teachers.

How will the extra funding for catch up be spent? We will leave that to schools.

Should French be taken off the syllabus since we are responsible for spreading our UK variant throughout France? No comment.

What is the point of the department of education if not to provide guidance and make some suggestions? It's to educate isn't it? Though why you would put Gavin in charge is anyone's guess. He can't even speak properly. I have no problem with his accent, Yorkshire is fine. It's his grammar. He began one sentence

"The prime minister and myself ..." AWFUL.

You'd at least expect the minister for education to be able to know how to use his reflexive pronouns. It's like having a foreign minister who can't recognise all the flags in the world or a chancellor who can't do long division in his head.

Fishy goings on north of the border

You may have noticed there is a vitriolic war of words going on north of the border between Sturgeon and Salmond. Or sturgeon and salmon as I like to think of them: big fish in a relatively small pond.

If you believe everything you read in the English press (never wise) this debacle is about to lead to the collapse in the vote for the SNP and with it the inexorable move towards independence. Mmm.

I listened to the whole of Alex's speech (sounded a little peevish to me ... this is clearly the word of the week) and I have followed the proceedings on at least two serious radio programmes. I am still none the wiser about what the big problem is. As far as I can tell Nicola broke the ministerial code because she had a chat with Alex in her living room at home instead of going to the office and forgot what date was. Or something like that.

Whatever words they use, the underlying narrative sounds like the story of some kids who used to be friends but who fell out spectacularly. One was kicked out of the gang and is now intent on getting his own back. He has his platform and he is going to use it to tell his story, with sad eyes and droopy jowls showing just how upset he is. The other one, the one with the neat suits and even neater hair, has spent the pandemic showing the nation just how much she is in charge, complete with sign language interpreter for the hard of hearing.

I know who my money's on. And the impact on the independence movement? Zilch. Nada. Nane ava (this is Scottish, just looked it up).

A chance to serve

Poor Harry. The press just will not give him a break.

This week he had a really nice chat with national treasure James Corden on top of a bus in LA. With blue skies and palm tees in the background, he explained that wherever he is in the world, public service will be his thing.

Cue the peevish and increasingly irrelevant Dicky Arbiter popping up to complain that he chose his timing badly because it clashed with the Queen telling everyone to get a jab because it doesn't hurt at all.

Listen, if I could move somewhere nice and warm and commit my life to the service of something interesting and fulfilling, without having to worry about where the next penny is coming from, I'd be there like a shot.

Note to prince: I hope you're not pinning your hopes on the podcast bringing in lots of pennies. It's a competitive market out there. Obama and Springsteen are also launching their "Renegades" podcast which I suspect may have more longevity than one intended to "spread compassion". Just saying.

Tenacious, purposeful, serene

These were some of the words that came up when I did a search for the opposite of "peevish." This week I had the absolute pleasure to host an online event (yes, you just read all those words together in one sentence), where Ariel White-Tsimikalis talked to my business partner Melinda Wallman

Let me tell you, Ariel could have plenty to be peevish about. She is one of only 13 black female law firm partners in the City of London and she was completely inspirational. This is a little clip where she talks about her turning point and gives two pieces of advice.

1. Find your why
2. Do the heavy lifting

Easy then.

On that note, I'm off. Have a lovely week. Don't forget to stick with the rules, not long now ...

I'm reading: Nobody will tell you this but me: A True (as told to me) Story (actually I'm not but I will be because my good friend and co-author Deb just told me to)

I'm listening to: Renegades, obviously

I'm watching: Nothing. Haven't got the time with all this reading and listening to do.