Together in our Isolation

When times are strange, it is a good idea to look to those wiser than ourselves. Albert Einstein, a man whose mind could capture more than most, said:

A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe (…). He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separate from the rest (…). (It) is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures (…).

It is essential to sit with this wisdom for a moment. It is incredible how much it resonates with our current reality and underpins so much of the work I do with singlemuslim.com.

Einstein speaks of a prison. We have been in lockdown for months. Even now, as lockdown eases, we find ourselves anxious when we go out into the world again. An invisible enemy is looking to attack us and the appearance of face masks, social distancing and additional cleaning is a sign of this. Taking my family out for a meal at MyLahores was a welcome return to something we remembered from before. Yet, I still sought the reassurance of the waiter's vigilance and the additional space from my fellow human beings.

The prison that Einstein speaks about is one of seclusion and loneliness. Yet, when I reflect on lockdown, my experience has been different. The time has offered time for uninterrupted thoughts and reflection and the time to build connections with those people for whom I usually am too busy. I have relished the freedoms of the slower pace of life, as I have been able to offer dedicated, unreserved attention to my connections in this universe.

How can social distancing bring us closer together? How can this contradiction feel so powerful? In the ‘old normal’ I was busy with travelling, meetings and spent evenings at the office. My relationships suffered. The ‘new normal’ meant quality time with the kids, helping them learn and socialising with them. I saw my children as unique personalities – a genuine gift.

It also became clear that the wider world was more accessible than I had ever imagined. Although I was socially distanced, I was not isolated from my connections. The limitations of lockdown only served to encourage us to try hard to communicate and to seek out each other's company. Innovative platforms such as Zoom, Google Hangout, Microsoft Teams and more allowed us to connect and spend the time to talk. It is as if the imposition of a "prison" freed us to see ourselves as part of a more comprehensive network.

I have seen how the desire for connection in our isolation has driven people online. My site, Singlemuslim.com, has seen an upsurge in activity. I created the site two decades ago, in the time of dial-up internet when life was technically slower. However, the speed of broadband has freed us up and has brought so many people together, making the site a phenomenal success.

Many would have thought that love would be impossible in lockdown. However, again, people have been making an effort to connect. More single people have signed up, more engagements have been made and more messages sent. In a time when we feel isolated, it feels more important than ever to dedicate our time to feel a part of Einstein's universe.

I am proud that singlemuslim.com has become another tool in the solution to people’s loneliness at a time when it so vital. We have helped more people cope with lockdown and feel that sense of togetherness that has been so much more important.

I worked hard to step forward and lead the conversation about how to find love and help others to understand relationships in our new normal. I was featured on a podcast with The Muslim Vibe, and I joined in on the BBC Asian Networks "Big Debate". Singlemuslim.com launched a chat show called Single Muslim Live in partnership with British Muslim TV. This weekly live televised show featured our resident relationship coach, Fahima Mohammed, taking calls and offering advice about love in challenging times.

There was one story that struck me more than most. It was featured in the Evening Standard article "The social distancing I do." In this article, Sadiha story is told, recounting her pursuit to find her life partner. It explored her first conversations on singlemuslim.com to the virtual dinners and cleaning together. Now, Sadiha is engaged to her partner, demonstrating the power of our unconventional connections. This story feels like just one of many successes across the globe, and we hope for many more. We know we can work to bring more tools to singlemuslim.com that can build on these love stories we have helped to initiate. 

So, COVID-19 has been a time of contradictions. We felt we were isolated and lonely, but social distancing has forced us to work harder to make connections. We have been given the luxury of time to understand the importance of our relationships, and we can see more clearly than ever that we a small part of something bigger. As with anything, with reflection, there are blessings to be found.

In the spirit of connecting, I would love to hear your experience of 2020. How have you been?

Adeem Younis

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