Todo es posible: My childhood, my strength, mi poder

What drives you??

What is your motivation to transform your dreams into your reality??

For me, it’s the affirmation that?todo es possible?(anything is possible). Whenever I face an important decision, this is the first and last phrase that comes to mind. It has shaped me into the person I am today.

And who am I, you may ask? Let me introduce myself. My name is Zoila, and I’m a proud Latina immigration lawyer, mother, and founder of Gomez & Palumbo Law. For many years, I have been part of organizations dedicated to representing and amplifying the voices of the Latinx community, such as: a member of the Board of Directors for the?Massachusetts Association of Hispanic Attorneys , a radio personality on the “Al Son de la Ma?ana” radio show on WGUA Radio Católica, a former professor of Immigration Law and Policy at?Northern Essex Community College (NECC), a former board member of the?UMASS Board of Trustees , and a former Judicial Nominating Commissioner.

As a first-generation immigrant in this country, I understand that many of us don’t have role models within our family systems or community.

Every day, I fight for immigrants to have a voice in this country and achieve their American dream. What many of my clients don’t know, until they meet me, is that I also had to fight for my own?sue?o americano, having immigrated to the United States at age eighteen from the Dominican Republic. As a first-generation immigrant in this country, I understand that many of us don’t have role models within our family systems or community. On top of that, there’s no one to guide us on the path to success in the U.S. Learning English, a difficult feat for many, is hard enough — but it is only a small part of what we must go through when we leave our home, build new lives, and adjust to living in a new country.

Of course, like many immigrant stories, my beginnings were not just sunshine and rainbows — even though there were plenty of those growing up on la?isla. These early experiences forged the person I needed to be. The person my?familia needed me to be.

This is my story…

Mi ni?ez (My Childhood)

My story begins on a beautiful, tropical island in the Caribbean…la República Dominicana?(Dominican Republic). However, I did not live near the pristine, white sandy beach resorts that most people associate with our island. Instead, my siblings and I grew up in a small village in the countryside (el campo) surrounded by green trees, clucking chickens, dirt roads, outdoor kitchens, and humble, wooden houses. Albeit a beautiful place, growing up in the countryside was full of limitations and struggles.

My mother was only seventeen years old when she had me. Shortly after my birth, my mother was pregnant again. In just under five years, she had a total of five children, all under age five. When I was only four years old, my father immigrated to the United States and, soon after, broke ties with my mother. She was devastated. The pain of the breakup and the pressure of raising five little children as a single parent was too much for my young mother, so we were sent to live with my grandparents.

Moving to my grandparent’s home was a defining moment in my life. Many of my extended family members also lived with my grandparents — tíos?(uncles),?tías?(aunts), and many, many cousins. Aside from being surrounded by so much family, the living conditions were not ideal. My family was not rich by any means, yet my grandmother did her best to take care of the grandchildren whose parents were either absent or simply unable to care for their own children, such as in our case. There were times when there were at least fifty children — I kid you not — playing at my grandparents’ house. In the midst of all this chaos, a new sensation within me was ignited. This was my natural intuition to care for my younger siblings as if they were my own.

Parentification, a.k.a. saying ‘adios’ to my childhood.

As per the nature of growing up, we all experience a defining moment where we leave play and innocence behind and begin to observe the world around us through a more mature lens. At just six years old, I was tuned-in to what was going on around me and became aware of the consequences of choices. While we were under the guidance of my grandparents, the truth of the matter was we were essentially on our own. As the eldest child, I felt that it was up to me to be the leader and parental figure my brothers and sisters needed (even though I, too, needed care and attention). This forever altered the trajectory of my childhood.

As I reflect on this situation as an adult, I now realize that what I thought was a sense of responsibility for my siblings was actually a form of trauma called ‘parentification.’ Parentification occurs when the parent(s) or parental guardian(s) and a child switch roles, resulting in the child to act as the emotional or practical caregiver to themselves or their siblings. The effects of parentification, an issue widely seen in the Hispanic community, can have detrimental effects on a child, such as anxiety and depression.?Studies ?have shown that many of these effects can last well into adulthood. In spite of all the time and events that have since passed, that six-year-old with all the weight of the world on her shoulders still lives within me and desperately needs someone to tell her that “todo es possible”. And that is what brings me here today.

Bienvenidos (Welcome) to my?space.

I have come to see that my mission and purpose is to inspire?mi comunidad?(my community). Through this blog, I will tell the story of how I dreamed a better life for myself, how I overcame very personal trials and tribulations, how I broke toxic family patterns, and how I charted a completely new path for myself. In doing so, I want to connect with the people who are bold enough to have big dreams, who envision a different life for themselves, and who believe they can live their?sue?o americano. Because remember, TODO ES POSIBLE.

P.S.: In my next post, I share a little more about my childhood and how one cultural practice led me to discover my superpower. Make sure to subscribe. ?Hasta pronto (until next time)!