Today is "Your Person" Day

Today is a day that has many feelings associated with it. For some, it’s a day to celebrate romantic love. For others, it’s a tough day because they don’t have the romantic love that they want in their life. Some have lost the person that they had that love with, and so today is hard. Whatever your feelings are about today, know that they’re ok and valid.??

What if we thought of today, instead of being the day about Cupid’s arrow striking two people who then share the fairytale of endless love, today was about finding “your person” - the one that you can be yourself with, seen by, safe with, experience joy and sorrow with, and have true authenticity with? That can still be your romantic partner, but it could also be anyone in your life.??

That’s what I’m celebrating today. I feel fortunate in that I found that person, who also happens to be my wife, but it could be anyone else in your life.

??But because I love my wife Meg Neufeld and I love bragging about her, and highlighting her (because she won’t ever do it for herself), I want to share with you why she’s my person and why I’m so grateful for her.??

Some of you know our whole long-version love story, but in short, we met when I was in Grade 5. I was in a class with her twin sister, and she came into our class (she went to a different school) to give her sister something, and I saw her. And let me be clear, girls really weren’t on my mind at that point, and I was the farthest thing from a Ladies Man (still am), but I remember seeing her, and turning to my friend and saying, “She’s cute. She could come back more often.”

We didn’t have a whole lot of interaction for the next number of years (read: none), and then when I was 16, I went to work at Keats Camps for the summer. I walked along the boardwalk at the camp and there was this girl who looked so familiar but I couldn’t quite place her. And she was really cute. So I walked up and ask, “Do I know you from somewhere?” Thinking this was a pickup line (not knowing, again, that I was nowhere near smooth enough to utilize one), she got up, and literally (the actual literally, not the millennial version of literally) ran away from me. Like, gone.

??I fell hard for her. And chased her for years. ??

Long story short, I won. This year, we’ve been married for 20 years. We’ve now been together longer than we haven’t been together in life.??

Our story hasn’t always been easy - in fact, our relationship is the hardest relationship I’ve ever had. Despite being a clinical counsellor, and a marriage and family therapist by trade, I am far, far from perfect and I don’t always do relationships well.??

My battle with mental health isn’t pretty a lot of the time. Then there’s the car accident, chronic health issues, and the list goes on.??

And we have a good life. A really good life.

??And it’s a lot of work.??

As I remarked to one of my interns recently, and I’ve said to some of my clients as well - I’m really good with other peoples’ feelings, but I kind of suck with my own.??

For the vast majority of my life, I haven’t felt safe with my emotions, for so many reasons, none of which have anything to do with not growing up in a loving home. I had a wonderful home life, and wonderful parents who weren’t perfect (as if any of us are), but did their absolute best with their emotional kid.??

One of the results of having chronic mental health issues is that my emotions haven’t been safe sometimes. I’ve been acutely suicidal at times (thankfully not for a long time now), but sadness is still very difficult for me. My body remembers those moments where sadness wasn’t just sadness, but acute depression. I’m still working on that.??

The one person I have always been safe with is Meg. It hasn’t been perfect, or easy. We’ve had to figure out how to do the dance with emotions, because we’re quite different in that way. But, it has always been very clear that I can be who I am, however I am, with her.??

That, my friends, is life changing. I tell her this regularly, but I’ll say it here - I could not be who I am, or do what I do, personally or professionally, without her. Full stop.??

So Meg, today I honour you as my person. For life. I’m grateful to you for so many things, but most importantly, for being the person I can go to with anything, in any state, and be accepted, loved, valued, and safe.??

I love you.

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