Today is the tipping point

DECEMBER 12, 2005

The time was?6:00 am.?I woke up for the last time to my happy, healthy, rambunctious family of three 7-year-olds, my dear hubby, and our 3 yr old yellow lab. It was a Monday morning, cold, clear, and bright. The boys had school, we had work to be done, and we all had a Cub Scout pack meeting that evening. All of the usual scurrying of laundry, lunches, homework, etc.

Did I know that my life was about to go through an earthquake? Shaken and tossed like life in a high-speed blender for so long that I wouldn’t recognize us? No way!

But there were small miracles happening too. I saw a few and marveled at them later.

Looking back, there were only a few clues of the impending danger. Days before my normally even-tempered husband had a hard time controlling his temper when the kids persisted in doing something they shouldn’t. His face would turn a shade of pink I had never seen in the previous year. I wrote it off to stress.

At?9:10 pm.?The day was just about over. The boys were tucked in bed and blessedly asleep. I had started a fire in the family room fireplace. George went to turn off my computer for me in our spare bedroom-turned-office.?Thump!?“Honey, you okay?”, I called across 3 rooms. No answer.?“Honey??”?Still no answer.

I walked back there. He had fallen from the office chair to the floor but had stood up and was walking around my desk.

“I’m fine,”?he gruffly replied. But all of my Army training kicked in - he?WAS NOT?fine… he was drooling on the left side of his mouth!

“Please sit down, sweetheart.”

“Okay”?as he proceeded to stumble awkwardly across the 3 rooms to his favorite leather chair in the family room by the fire.

This cannot be happening! My brain screamed inwardly as I reached for my only landline (a fax line) and dialed 9-1-1.

“Hello, operator? Yes, there is an emergency. My husband is having a stroke. Yes, I need help quickly. Five minutes? Yes, I will have the porch lights on. My kids are sleep. Please ask them not to use the siren. Thank you.”

I was fighting panic, and hysteria. My world looked calm and quiet from the outside.

Next a call to a dear friend,?“Daphne, George is having a stroke. Can you come? Yes, the kids are asleep. Thank you.”

Three more calls to George’s sons, my adult step-sons. One lived about 20 min away.?“Your dad is going to the hospital. Yes, it’s a stroke. Can you meet me there? Oh, you want to drive me? Are you sure? Thank you”

Last, one to my parents who were in their seventies and 3 hours ahead on EST.?“Mom? Dad? Im sorry it’s so late. Yes, I’m fine. But George is not. It’s a stroke. Please pray.”

I focused on my sweet husband of seventeen years. He was staring into the fire.?“Are you in pain, honey?”?I gently asked.?“No”. That was it. No other words.

I wondered if he would be alive tomorrow morning… and in an instant, a thousand thoughts of what lay ahead rushed at me. I remember grabbing my purse and passing through the dining room my eye caught my reflection in the mirror. I crumpled to the ground. I prayed,

“Dear Lord, please let this cup pass from me. I know you are holding him in the palm of Your hand. I know George will be in a better place if You take him, but … I can’t do this life without him. Please Lord! I’m not strong enough!”

It’s funny how 5-6 minutes can seem like an eternity and an instant - all in one.

The firemen came. In short order, George was in a stretcher going feet first out the door. “Which hospital?” I don’t know. Where do you recommend? “Scripps La Jolla”.

The ambulance was gone just as fast as it had come.

Daphne pulled up the driveway about the same time my stepson, Mike, did. I vaguely remember telling her to sleep in my bed - the sheets were clean.

Mike and I barely spoke on the ride there. I don’t think either of us wanted to admit this was happening.

At the hospital, we were ushered back to his emergency room. George was hooked up to so many wires! His face now looked distorted - in pain. He was occasionally moaning. I was in shock.?“We’ve given him Nova 7. It is a miracle drug for coagulating blood at the point of the blood vessel break.”?the doctors said.

“Now what?”?I asked. “Now we wait,” the doctor told us.?“His blood pressure was 220/ 145 when he arrived. It’s a miracle he made it here. Your husband is fighting hard, but we won’t know if the blood causes swelling and moves the midline of the brain.”

Somehow I signed consent forms, provided insurance, and stayed calm.

Around?1:30 am,?Mike looked at me and said?“I’m taking you home. There is nothing we can do right now and you need to sleep.”?I think I feebly protested, but we were back in the car and headed home.

“Mike, thank you. You were right. I couldn’t drive alone.”?I cried before falling asleep in our bed. Daphne was asleep already and the house was quiet. The blender had started spinning - shaking my world. I whispered.

“Lord, please help George, me, and the kids!”.

December 13, 2005 - The Next Day

7 am?comes awfully fast when bedtime was after 2 am. Sunshine streamed into my bedroom. I heard the boys and then remembered the night before. Daphne had left for work, but had made coffee. She was such a dear, dear friend.

I wrestled the boys into my bed and broke the news.?“Daddy is in the hospital. He is very sick. He had a stroke last night.”?I was crying again.

“Can we see him?” “Why can’t we see him?”?The chorus of cries and questions had me straining not to start sobbing.?“No sweethearts. Daddy is in the ICU. You are too young to go in there. No, I don’t know when we can see him.”

I called the school and let them know the situation and that the kids would be in, but would be late. And so started all of the normal ordinary things that go into having a household of 5 healthy, happy people started unraveling dozens of phone calls.

Christmas was in 9 days?“Do you want us to come out?”?My parents asked from the other side of the country.?“Yes, please! I don’t know what I will be facing. They have induced a coma for now. Yes, I’ll be there later.”

It was 8 days before they awakened George. The scores had explained that every stroke was different, so they had no idea whether he would recognize me, be able to talk, or would know what had happened. Those 8 days were like a lifetime! All of the years of finely tuned teamwork - three 7 yr olds in a household is chaotic even with two parents!

My parents arrived. I somehow managed to pay bills and do the typical things that George would normally do as well as my usual tasks. It was like switching the hand that held your fork mid-meal and then switching back again. You can do it, but you are awkward and self-conscious. All of the things George normally did at home, I attempted to do. The bills got paid, and somehow work got done. I placed an ad for help through an online service.

December 19, 2005

December 19th had been a special day for us. It was Monday, and George was awake. It was the day we first knew that we were having 3 children at one time! We heard the two little heartbeats that day.

This December 19th, however, was very different. I was grateful George regained consciousness. And?HE KNEW ME!?Finally, the trifecta, he also knew that he had had a stroke. It was the only time he recognized his deficits for maybe a year or more. It was truly a miracle.

As he lay there quietly, George apologized for not going to get a physical earlier in the year. I had begged him to go. The physical would have caught the high blood pressure.

I couldn’t believe he remembered all of that and could say it to me.

Our reality was still very sobering. George had lost movement in half of his body. I wasn’t prepared to parent by myself, be the household provider, or even just hold things all together alone!

In these years that have passed, I have come to see the blessings we received during that terrific storm:

1. The Lord carried us through this time. Like that poem about footsteps on the beach, I only saw his footprints and never mine.
2. George, my soulmate, lived. He maintained the same personality and wit. He even regained his driver’s license. Only 2% of hemorrhagic stroke patients live. Only 2% of those that live to recover as much function as he did - a walking miracle!
3. Because of a health issue I had several years earlier, we were fairly well financially prepared with about $400,000 in the bank and no household debt - only investment mortgages.
4. George’s stroke gave me insight into one of my son’s learning disabilities. We got him diagnosed as a direct result of his dad’s stroke!
5. God answered a prayer we had prayed in 2002. Before moving into our current home, we had prayed and asked the Lord to protect our boys from arrogance and entitlement that can sneak into affluent homes. We wanted them to put Him first. While it was hard to live through mean kids teasing them about how their father looked like their grandfather, the boys were learning that not everything that glittered was gold. Little did we know that George’s stroke would be part of that inoculation to keep them grounded.

There are countless more blessings, but these were the big ones! My?hope?in posting this is to encourage you to get a physical yearly. Early detection and prevention will save lives and avoid the pain we endured.

My second?hope?is that you pay forward whatever encouragement you find in this article to someone else who is a caregiver during this Christmas season. The people who helped us gave us invaluable gifts of time and love.

Merry Christmas!