Today in Stupid AI Tricks: Tony Soprano Takes a Job in Sales

We asked ChatGPT to imagine Tony Soprano leaving his former life to try his hand at sales for a family-owned company in town. We fed it a series of prompts to create the following narrative.

Tony Soprano applied for a sales position and was immediately - if not sooner - called in for an interview.

Interviewer: Tony, I know that you have a history of involvement with organized crime. How do you think that would make you a good fit for a sales job?

Tony: Well, I've been in sales my whole life, if you think about it. I've always been a persuasive guy, and I know how to close deals. In my line of work, I had to be good at convincing people to do what I wanted them to do. I think those skills would translate well to sales.

Interviewer: We're a legit company, and we need to be able to trust our salespeople to operate within the bounds of the law and ethical behavior.

Tony: I've put my past behind me. I'm looking for a fresh start, and I think I can be a valuable asset to your company.

The interviewer asks Tony how he would deal with difficult customers.

Tony: I understand that dealing with customers can be tough, but I've dealt with some tough characters in my past. I know how to stay calm and professional, even in the face of hostility. I plan to listen to their concerns, empathize with them, and try to find a solution that works for both parties.

Interviewer: That's a good approach. What if a customer becomes abusive or threatening?

Tony: Well, I'll first try to defuse the situation by remaining calm and respectful. If they continue to be abusive or threatening, I'll have to escalate the situation to my supervisor or the proper authorities.

It’s Tony’s first day on the job and he has the following exchange with his boss: ?

Boss: Tony, now that you're part of our sales team, I'd like to know what your goals are.

Tony: ?I want to be a top performer. I'm used to being the boss, but I'm willing to start from the bottom and work my way up.

Boss: That's great to hear. Do you have any specific sales targets in mind?

Tony: Yeah, I want to bring in at least $100,000 in revenue for the company within the first quarter.

Boss: That's ambitious, but I like it. What's your plan for achieving that goal?

Tony: I'm going to hit the phones hard and make as many calls as I can. I know how to sell, and I'm not afraid to hustle.

Boss: That's a solid plan. Just make sure you're not sacrificing quality for quantity.

Tony: Don't worry, I'm all about customer satisfaction.

In just his third month on the job Tony was recognized as Salesperson of the Month. He tells his co-workers how thankful he is.??

"This means a lot to me. As some of you may know, I used to be involved in organized crime. But I made the decision to leave that life behind and start fresh, and this award validates that decision for me.

I've found that many of the skills and tactics that served me well in my previous career have translated well to sales. I know how to read people, how to negotiate, and how to close a deal. But there are some key differences, too. In my previous line of work, I was always looking over my shoulder, always wondering if someone was going to double-cross me or turn on me. But here, in this company, I feel like I can trust my colleagues and my boss.

I'm proud to be part of this team, and I'm committed to continuing to work hard and bring in sales. I'm excited about the future and what we can achieve together. Thank you again for this honor."

It’s come to his boss’ attention that Tony has entertained several clients at the Bada Bing!, the strip club he owns.?

Boss: Tony, I've heard that you've been bringing clients to your strip club, the Bada Bing. While I appreciate your enthusiasm for entertaining and building relationships with clients, I have to say that this is inappropriate behavior for a legit, family-oriented business like ours.

Tony: I understand where you're coming from, but the Bing is a great place to entertain clients. It's got great food, great drinks, and great entertainment.

Boss: I can appreciate that, Tony, but we have to consider the optics of this situation. There are plenty of other ways to entertain clients. You could take them out to dinner at a nice restaurant, or take them to a ballgame or concert.

Tony: Okay, I can work with that.

His boss thinks that Tony and his former associates might have "whacked" one of the company's other salespeople.

Boss: Tony, one of our salespeople has gone missing, and there are rumors that you and your associates might have been involved.

Tony: I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't had any contact with my old associates in months.

Boss: Well, we have reason to believe otherwise.

Tony: Look, I swear to you that I had nothing to do with this. I'm just trying to do my job and support my family.

Boss: I want to believe you, Tony. We're going to be investigating this thoroughly, and if we find any evidence that you were involved, we'll have to take action.

Tony:?I'll do whatever I can to help with the investigation.

It’s come to his boss's attention that Tony sent Christopher and Paulie to rough up a sales prospect. The prospect threatened to call the police.

Boss: Tony, not only is this completely unacceptable behavior, it's also illegal. If this person decides to press charges, it could ruin our company's reputation and even land us all in jail.

Tony: Look, I was just trying to close the deal.

Boss: That's not the way we do things here. I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go, Tony.

Tony: You're making a mistake, pal. You're making a big mistake.

Boss: Tony, I'm not going to be threatened. If you have a problem with the decision, you can take it up with HR. But for now, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the premises.

Tony tells his wife that he was fired.?

Tony: Carmela, I have to tell you something. I got fired.

Carmela: What? Why? What happened, Tony?

Tony: My boss said that my tactics were too aggressive and inappropriate.

Carmela: I believe in you, Tony. You're a good person, and you have a lot of potential. You’ll find another job. Just promise me that you won't go back to that life.

Tony: I’ll find something else. I have some ideas.

Tony tries convincing his crew to join him in starting a technology company specializing in "logistics and cargo intervention."

Tony: Guys, I'm telling you, this is a great opportunity. We could use our connections to get the contracts. It's a goldmine.

Paulie: I don't know, Tone. Tech? That's not really our thing.

Christopher: Yeah, and what do we know about logistics? That's a whole other world.

Silvio: I have to agree with Chris and Paulie. I don't think this is the right move for us. We have a good thing going as it is. But I'm willing to hear more about your plan, Tony

Tony: That's all I ask. I'm telling you guys, this could be the start of something big.