Today is the Day

I wrote this and published this on another blog in May.  Some of you likely read it then, but I wanted to publish it here after a colleague encouraged me to do so.  Cheers to you all!

Today is the Day

So much is written about juggling professional life and family life that I quit reading it.   I have a wife and three kids, I am the Iowa Insurance Commissioner, and I was confident I had my family and work lives balanced.  I was sure I had it all figured out until October 20, 2015, when I was humbled by the realization that I have very little figured out. 

October 20, 2015, I woke up and was ready to go. I had a full day scheduled:  meetings booked for the entire morning beginning at 8:00, and evening plans to serve and share dinner with some homeless families at a local church.  My wife was taking our five-year-old daughter, Corinne, to a 9:20 doctor’s appointment regarding some health changes we had noticed.  I texted my wife at 7:57:  “good luck, love you guys.” 

When one of my meetings got canceled that morning, I felt an emotional tug to attend my daughter’s appointment. I arrived there ahead of my wife and daughter.  While we walked to the exam room, the nurse measured Corinne’s weight.  It was down from her most recent visit, six weeks before.  As we explained to the doctor why we brought her in, he told us he would run tests and know the results soon.  After her blood was drawn, we waited, reading books about ducks and a mouse wanting a cookie.  When the doctor opened the door, I knew immediately that my suspicion about her symptoms was correct.  The doctor confirmed that Corinne has Type One Diabetes (T1D).  

We were told to immediately go a local children’s hospital. Our day at the hospital seemed to be never-ending.  We learned a lot and had amazing people that guided us.  We left there feeling overwhelmed, but also feeling empowered to take care of our child. 

I had never thought much about T1D. I knew one family that has a son with the disease.  Much of what I thought I knew was absolutely wrong.  It is a pretty serious condition that can lead to major complications if left undetected or not managed.   It is not brought on by poor eating habits or lifestyle choices.  It appears to be a very random disease that impacts around 200,000 kids across the country under the age of 20, according to the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation.

During that whirlwind day, I was left thinking how incredibly difficult it is going to be to make this adjustment. I immediately had selfish thoughts about how this diagnosis will change so much --for me. 

But by the end of the day, I knew we would be okay.

I knew we would be okay after my wife and I walked out of the doctor’s office and embraced each other. Through that simple act of love, I knew we would get through this and be better people.

I knew we would be okay when I called the office and someone that has been a friend for many years assured me that he could cover me for the day. The reason I have been successful in my career has been because of strong coworkers like this individual.

I knew we would be okay when I went to the grocery store to pick up some items for the dinner we were to share at church. At the checkout the clerk asked “How is your day going?  Did you find everything okay?”  I smiled and said “My day is fine and yes I found everything okay.”  Her pleasantries helped my day feel more normal.  I was struck by how quickly life goes on and how little we know about what anyone else may be dealing with. 

I knew we would be okay that evening, when we did prepare and serve the dinner at the church. We enjoyed the dinner with these homeless strangers, and it brought a level of peace and humility to realize just how fortunate I am. 

I knew we would be okay when, while I was sitting at home contemplating the immensity of the news we had received that day, I heard a little voice. It was that of my sweet little girl.  It occurred to me then that she has no idea what she has, she has no idea that this is a lifelong disease for her, and she really does not care.  She just wanted me to hold her.  She just wanted daddy to hug her and be there.  I became determined that TID would not define her, but rather it would become just part of her daily life.

I knew we would be okay that night, as my wife and I lay in bed all night crying, laughing and talking. We knew that, oddly enough, this was going to be a life lesson for all of us in the Gerhart family.  

My daughter is brave. She handles this better than many adults and is already part of her daily life.  I have no doubt she will develop amazing personal skills and habits that I could only wish to find. 

All of the children and families that are dealing with these issues are brave. They are all uncelebrated heroes whose actions witness inner toughness – brave for living with the conditions they endure, and brave for setting incredible examples to others. 

The little gestures offered to our family after we learned of the TID diagnosis will be long remembered and – I hope – paid forward many times over. I have been humbled by the generosity others have expressed and given.  Many families around us are going through difficult things and I realized how much more we could help others.  

Yes, I thought I had it all figured out and that I could do it all. That day, October 20, 2015, I realized that just maybe I did not have it figured out and that maybe I had put personal glorification and ambition above my family. 

That day brought me to realize just how special life is and how special my children and wife are. While I will always work hard, I think I now have it figured out in my heart how to focus, what to focus on, and who my decisions impact and how.  That, in turn, will lead me to better business decisions and better outcomes. 

I thought I could do it all. That day, I learned that we are never able to go it alone.  In my business life, I know the importance of surrounding yourself with good people and learning from others.  For the first time in my adult life, I now realized it is even more important to have good people in your family life, guiding you in life’s journey.  If your family life is out of balance it will certainly deter and take away from your professional life. 

It took the experiences of that day to – I hope – put me on the road to being a better manager, a more empathetic person and a better dad and husband.

On October 22 my wife texted me: “This little girl got up and gave me a hug.  Then she asked for her finger poke.  Right after breakfast she helped me count carbs, and then stood tall and brave for her shot.  She is a rock star!”

Yes she is.

October 20, 2015, was a tough day that will remember for the rest of my life. But it opened my eyes and heart to a new beginning and new possibilities. 

I hope that anyone reading this will take time to reflect on this day because today is the day to do that.