Tips & Tools to Help Build Resilience

In this issue, you'll learn some tips & tricks to help you build your personal resilience whether you attend my upcoming webinar, grab your free gifts, or read the articles below.

UPCOMING EVENT: Free webinar, “Tips & Tools for Better Understanding & Building of Resilience”, on Thursday, Sept. 28th, at 11A ET.

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15 Science-based Tips with Their Related Action Steps

Many people have approached me requesting more information on tips, techniques, and tools to help build resilience. So, I’ve assembled a list of 15 tips and their related action steps; these are examples of protective factors in resilience.?

What are protective factors? In general, protective factors span all aspects of life, including having positive and supportive relationships, engaging in religious or spiritual practices, maintaining a healthy diet and getting regular exercise, hobbies, journaling, and more.?

Given that protective factors in building resilience touch all aspects of life, this list of 15 tips is certainly not exhaustive but will provide you with a good start.?

Tip#1: Cultivate a "growth mindset"?

Cultivating a "growth mindset" is an important protective factor in building resilience because if you don't start with this, then all the other suggestions below won't do you any good. The opposite of a "fixed mindset," a "growth mindset" acknowledges that you can learn from challenges, and through these experiences can increase your intellect and abilities.?

Action steps:

? Leave the "genius" myth behind - achievement requires hard work, not just natural talent

? Focus on "brain training" - your brain is like a muscle that

needs to work to get stronger

? Value learning over approval, and the process over the end result

? View challenges and setbacks as opportunities to grow, to

learn something new

? Acknowledge and embrace your imperfections, and try different learning tactics

? Applaud your effort, and not just your inherent skill

? Avoid comparing yourself to others - we all have different strengths and learn differently?

Tip#2: Let yourself feel lousy every once in a while?

This may sound counterintuitive, but it's wise advice. Psychologist Dr. Ellen Hendriksen notes that purely relying upon a "rah-rah" motivational slogan (like: "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.") is often useless.?

Action steps:

? Don't avoid struggle or discouragement

? Don't pretend everything is peachy

? Remember that this, too, shall pass

? You can overcome?

Tip#3: Have a strong social network?

The pain of experiencing adverse situations can lead some people to isolate themselves, but it's important to accept help and support from those who care about you. Having this support network is a vital protective factor in building resilience. Whether you go on a weekly date night with your spouse or plan a lunch out with a friend, be intentional about genuinely connecting with people who care about you.?

Action steps:

? Unplugging and interacting with others face-to-face

? Join a group. Along with one-on-one relationships, some people find that being active in civic groups, faith-based communities, or other local organizations provides social support and can help you reclaim hope.

? Practice random acts of kindness

? Start conversations; ask questions and be an active listener; look people in the eyes and say "thank you"?

Have people you can confide in. Focus on finding trustworthy and compassionate individuals who validate your feelings, which will support the skill of resilience.?

Tip#4: Practice self- awareness, self-care, and self-compassion?

Self-awareness is your capacity to clearly understand your own strengths, weaknesses, emotions, values, natural inclinations, tendencies, and motivation. Self-care refers to behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes that support your emotional well-being and physical health. Self-compassion involves offering compassion to ourselves: confronting our own suffering with an attitude of warmth and kindness, without judgment. All of these protective factors help build your resilience.?

Action steps:

? Eat healthy, nutritional meals, move your body, and get enough sleep

? Practice self-compassion

? Cultivate opportunities for personal growth; develop a new interest

? Make time for quiet reflection through meditation, prayer,

journaling, yoga, spending time in nature, or practicing gratitude

? Play and have fun!

? Exercise attention and focus to tune out information, sensations, and perceptions that are irrelevant at the moment

? Avoid multi-tasking

? Unplug; take a break from checking your phone, especially when doing a task that requires focus and concentration.

? Listen to classical music {or other music without lyrics) or natural soundscapes like ocean waves, wind, or birdsong to tune out stimuli and help you focus on the task at hand

? Tend to your own needs and feelings.

? Participate in activities and hobbies you enjoy

? Be mindful: Without judgment or analysis, notice what you're feeling. Say, "This is a moment of suffering" or "These hurts" or "This is stressful."

? Be kind to yourself. If being kind to yourself is a challenge, an exercise called How Would You Treat a Friend? could help. Here, you compare how you respond to your own struggles and the tone you use-with how you respond to a friend's.?

Often, this comparison unearths some surprising differences and valuable reflections: Why am I so harsh on myself, and what would happen if I weren't??

Tip#5: Finding meaning?

This is the act of making sense of - and exploring the significance of - an experience or situation. Research shows that cultivating a sense of meaning in your life can contribute more to positive mental health than pursuing happiness.?

Action steps:

? Come to understand your purpose: examine your strengths and talents, develop skills you want, recognize your values, and pursue interests and passions, and live your own unique combination of these

? Develop realistic goals and work toward them

? Find ways to help others

? Keep a long-term perspective and consider stressors in broader context

? Make every day meaningful. Do something that gives you a sense of accomplishment and purpose every day. Set clear, achievable goals to help you look toward the future with meaning.?

Tip#6: Find a sense of purpose?

Finding a sense of purpose can help you find meaning in life's challenges and, as such, is a major protective factor. Instead of being discouraged by your problems, with a defined purpose, you'll be more motivated to learn from past experiences and keep going.?

Action steps:

? Build a support system of loved ones

? Give a voice to a social movement

? Lead a healthy lifestyle

? Learn about different cultures

? Make art or music

? Serve your community?

Whether you volunteer with a local homeless shelter or simply support a friend in their own time of need, you can garner a sense of purpose, foster self-worth, connect with other people, and demonstrably help others, all of which can empower you to grow in resilience.?

?Tip#7: Embrace change?

Change is inevitable in life and learning to adapt to change being flexible-is an essential part of resilience. Strive to approach change with a positive attitude, focusing on the positive things that could result. Flexibility and positivity are also protective factors in building resilience because with them you are more likely to be successful in navigating that change.?

Action steps:

? Reflect on what's going well and what's not

? Explore spiritual or religious practices that fit your world view and values

? Strive to accept what you cannot change; making conscious choices to act where you can influence a process, outcome, or relationship?

By staying flexible and positive, you'll be able to better weather adversity. This is resilience.?

Tip#8: Change the narrative?

When something bad happens, we often relive the event over and over in our heads, rehashing the pain. This process is called rumination; it's like cognitive spinning of the wheels, and it doesn't move us forward toward healing and growth.?

It is during this time you need to cultivate the protective factor of changing the narrative.?

Action steps:

? Practice the art of Expressive Writing. It involves free writing continuously for 20 minutes about an issue, exploring your deepest thoughts and feelings around it. The goal is to get something down on paper, not to create a memoir-like masterpiece.

? Practice the art of Finding Silver Linings. This art invites you to call to mind an upsetting experience and try to list three positive things about it. For example, you might reflect on how fighting with a friend brought some important issues out into the open and allowed you to learn something about their point of view.?

Tip#9: Learn from experience?

How we've navigated past hardships can help inform us on how to navigate present ones.?

Action steps:

? Think of how you've coped with hardships in the past

? Consider the skills and strategies that helped you through difficult times

? Journal about your past experiences to help you identify positive and negative behavior patterns - and guide your future behavior.?

Tip#10: Keep yourself value-centered?

It's all fine and good to make executive decisions, but if the right decision isn't clear, it can be easy to make mistakes. A handful of studies have found that having a moral compass—an internal system of values and ethics--is linked to having higher resilience. Strong ethics and morality seem to give purpose to our lives, which in turn gives rise to resilience.?

Action steps:

? Take a values inventory, thinking about what's important to you

? List those values

? Find a fable or story to illustrate each of those values

? When confronted with a decision, refer to that list and recall those fables and stories. Using your values as a North star can help guide you in making that decision.?

Tip#11: Remain hopeful?

You can't change the past, but you can always look toward the future. Accepting and even anticipating change makes it easier to adapt and view new challenges with less anxiety.?

Action steps:

? Don't ignore the problem

? Think positively to focus on positive outcomes

? Understand that setbacks are temporary

? Know that you have the skills and abilities to combat the challenges you face?

Staying optimistic during dark periods can be difficult, but maintaining a hopeful outlook is a protective factor of developing resiliency.?

Tip#12: Act?

Simply waiting for a problem to go away on its own only prolongs the crisis. Instead, start

working on resolving the issue immediately. While there may not be any fast or simple solution, you can take steps toward making your situation better and less stressful. By adopting the protective factor of taking action, you are moving away from victimhood, giving you greater control over your situation.?

Action steps:

? Focus on the progress that you've made thus far

? Don't become discouraged by the amount of work that still needs to be accomplished

? Plan your next steps by breaking up that work into smaller, more actionable steps?

Actively working on solutions will also help you feel more in control. Rather than just waiting for things to happen, being proactive allows you to help make your goals a reality.?

Tip#11: Practice mindfulness?

Practicing the protective factor of mindfulness brings us more and more into the present, and it offers techniques for dealing with negative emotions when they arise. That way, instead of getting carried away into fear, anger, or despair, we can work through them more deliberately.?

Action steps:

? Practice mindful journaling

? Do yoga

? Engage in other spiritual practices like prayer or meditation?

When you journal, meditate, or pray, reflect on positive aspects of your life, and recall the things you're grateful for, even during personal trials.?

Tip#14: Think healthy thoughts?

Your brain is a very powerful tool in developing resilience. After all, before you can act upon it, you must think about it. Therefore, it's very important tap into the protective factors this offers by guarding your mind from negative and destructive thoughts.?

Action steps:

? Keep things in perspective. How you think can play a significant part in how you feel and how resilient you are when faced with obstacles.

? Identify areas of irrational thinking, such as a tendency to catastrophize difficulties or assume the world is out to get you

? Adopt a more balanced and realistic thinking pattern. For instance, if you feel overwhelmed by a challenge, remind yourself that what happened to you isn't an indicator of how your future will go, and that you're not helpless. You may not be able to change a highly stressful event, but you can change how you interpret and respond to it.

? Conduct a body scan. A body scan is a form of meditation where you focus on each body part in turn-head to toe and choose to let go of any areas of tension you discover. Strong feelings tend to manifest physically, like tight chests or knotted stomachs, and relaxing the body is one way to begin dislodging them.?

Tip#15: Practice acceptance?

While we all react to stressful events in different ways, many of us try to protect ourselves by refusing to accept the truth of what's happening. After all, by denying that you're even experiencing a crisis, you can kid yourself that you still have some sense of control over what usually uncontrollable events are.?

While denial can have some positive functions, like giving you time to come to terms with the shock of a traumatic event, it can prolong the pain if you remain in denial too long. Staying in denial will also prevent you from adapting to your new circumstances, stop you from seeking solutions or acting, and stifle the healing process.?

The unhealthy opposite of denial is hyper-responsibility. You focus on and rail against things outside your control. This only succeeds in draining yourself of your time and energy, leaving few resources to apply to things you can change.?

Action steps:

? Make a list of all the things you can't control

? Give yourself permission to stop worrying about those things

? Focus on things within your control

? Focus on the action that you can take on those things

? Accept change by looking to your past. Examining your past successes can help you see past the current crisis and derive some confidence that you'll be able to pull through again.

? Accept your feelings about all those things. By allowing yourself to feel your emotions, you'll find that even the most intense, upsetting feelings will pass, the trauma of these tough times will start to fade, and you'll be able to find a path forward.

? Grieve your losses. Only by facing your grief-acknowledging

and mourning your losses-will you be able to heal and eventually move on with your life.

? Celebrate the small wins. Noting these small wins can give you a welcome break from all the stress and negativity you're facing and encourage you to keep going.?

BONUS TIP#1: When to seek professional advice?

Becoming more resilient takes time and practice. If you don't feel you're making progress - or you don't know where to start - consider talking to a mental health professional. With guidance, you can improve your resiliency and mental well-being.

Getting help when you need it is crucial in building your resilience. For many people, using their own resources and the kinds of strategies listed above may be enough for building their resilience. But at times, an individual might get stuck or have difficulty making progress on the road to resilience.?

A licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist can assist people in developing an appropriate strategy for moving forward. It is important to get professional help if you feel like you are unable to function as well as you would like or perform basic activities of daily living as a result of a traumatic or other stressful life experience. Keep in mind that different people tend to be comfortable with different styles of interaction. To get the most out of your therapeutic relationship, you should feel at ease with a mental health professional or in a support group.?

The important thing is to remember you're not alone on the journey. While you may not be able to control all of your circumstances, you can grow by focusing on the aspects of life's challenges you can manage with the support of loved ones and trusted professionals.

?SOURCES:?

"Building Resilience," Tips and Information to Help You Thrive, Cornell Health, Cornell University https://health.cornell.edu/resources/health-topics/building resilience (Accessed: 12/2022)?

Cherry, Kendra "10 Ways to Build Resilience", Updated October 2022, American Psychological Association, https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/building-your-resilience (Accessed: 12/2022)?

"Five Science-backed Strategies to Build Resilience", Greater Good Magazine,

https:/ greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/five_science_backed_strategies_to_build_resilience (Accessed: 12/2022)?

Hendriksen, Ellen, Ph.D., "How to be Yourself," blogpost, September 2017, Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/how-be yourself /201709/how-build-your-resilience (Accessed: 12/2022)?

Mental Health First Aid USA, “How Protective Factors Can Promote Resilience” https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/2022/01/how-protective-factors-can-promote-resilience/ (Accessed: 09/07/2023)

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The Multi-dimensional Aspects of Resilience

When attempting to build resilience, it is important to realize its many dimensions, as these often work in concert. For example, if you possess a sense of purpose you are probably more likely to persist and endure in the face of challenges.??

Here are those dimensions:?

Cognitive: How events are interpreted (cognitive style, appraisal, attribution) and how daily stressors and life circumstances are negotiated (coping)?

Behavioral: Habits of persistence and endurance in face of obstacles and failures (behavioral practice and reinforcement)?

Motivational: Clear sense of life purpose and commitment (will to live)?

Existential/spiritual: Sense of larger purpose and meaning of human life (meaning and life purpose)?

Relational: Sense of social connectedness, engagement, and altruism?

Emotional: Ability to tolerate negative emotions and rejection and to maintain emotional confidence and hopefulness. {emotion regulation, emotional intelligence)

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