Tips to Overcome the Fear of Judgment (and Become More Self-Aware and Conscious), Part 2 of 2

Do you avoid getting feedback? Does the fear of being judged keep you from putting yourself out there to be seen and heard?

Last month, we started our three-tip focus on?overcoming the fear of judgment so that we can be empowered to manage our mindset and emotional response to judgment.?By learning to stay engaged through the discomfort of judgment, we can increase our consciousness by gaining a deeper understanding of ourselves and a better perspective of those around us.

• In the November 2022 newsletter (Part 1),?I talked about the first of three tips -- Get clear about the core underlying emotion (and the object of that emotion) that we are feeling.

For this month (Part 2), I focus on the other two tips:

• Tip 2: Recognize the important distinction between fact vs. interpretation, and
• Tip 3: Switch from an inward-self focus to an outward-other focus

Prefer watching or listening vs. reading? View this LinkedIn Live Learning Lesson.

For those of us who learn better by watching and listening vs. reading, you can gain the insights shared in this newsletter by watching this LinkedIn Live Learning Session (31:29 minutes) from September 2022 which covers the same topic -- How to Overcome the Fear of Judgment.

Tip 2: Recognize the important distinction between fact vs. interpretation.

After we have identified in step 1 the core underlying emotion (and the object of that emotion) that we are feeling, the next step is to question if the judgement is based on fact or interpretation? It's our interpretation which is leading us to a positive, neutral, or negative assessment.

We often live our lives in the world of interpretation. It's the emotion-based place from which we ACT and REACT.

The interesting thing is that we often don't trace our interpretation back to how our unconscious minds are doing the work of creating meaning from the facts and data we receive.

The unconscious mind is taking facts and interpreting them. And it's our interpretation that becomes our conscious knowing which creates our action (or reaction).

What's the difference between fact vs. interpretation?

For example, age has dimensions of fact and interpretation. At the time of writing this article, I am 44 years old. The number is a fact. However, our cultures give us lenses or filters through which we process facts into interpretation.

So, what does 44 years old mean? What are possible ways that we can interpret the fact of this number?

• Is 44 young, middle-aged, or old? Something else?
• Is being 44 good or bad?

When I am working with traditional-aged college students who are typically between 18-23 years old, age 44 can easily feel old in comparison. But when I'm visiting my parents who live in a senior 55+ community, I feel young at age 44 when compared to this group of people.

This is important because our interpretation of our own age (which is influenced by comparing ourselves to others) can start showing up in our consistent behaviors which then create our reality.

The essence of Tip 2 is to really understand the facts that we take in and then make a conscious interpretation that's going to allow us to act in a way that will lead to achieving the goal that we want.

Why can recognizing the difference between fact vs. interpretation matter so much?

If someone is making a judgment (whether positive or negative) about us, and we agree with it, what evidence (facts) are we using to come to this conclusion and is it a reasonable interpretation?

When we already believe the judgment someone else is making about us, it can feel like it must be true because we think that about ourselves and other people see it and confirm it, too.

However, it may not be facts that are influencing other people's judgments about us. We know from the field of psychology that we can influence the emotions of others. This is called Emotional Contagion. So, the judgments of other people might simply be based on them reflecting back to us our own judgments about ourselves.

Other people may be picking up on our own interpretation of ourself and reflecting it back to us!

This matters because it highlights the importance of us understanding the emotions we project into the world and how they can impact others. And in this case, it's the emotions (interpretations) that we have about ourselves. If you think you deserve to be judged, then you may project this outward which can influence others to mirror it back to you -- and so you will receive judgment.

Tip 3: Switch from an inward-self focus to an outward-other focus.

This tip is based on the idea of reframing your mindset. This is the main focus of my coaching work with clients. It's based on the Growth Mindset work by Dr. Carol Dweck.

The reason this is helpful in overcoming the fear of judgment is that when we change what we think (our mindset), it changes how we feel, and what we feel drives our behaviors. So, connecting the dots, when we change our mindset, we change our behaviors to be in line with what we want to achieve.

When we change the way we think about what judgement is, it can change the way we react to it.

Defensiveness can be a common response to judgment. We go inward to protect ourselves when we feel judged or attacked. The idea of reframing the focus is that I want us to go against this common inward-focused response and turn our attention outward. Here's why...

Instead of viewing the statement as a judgement about YOU, I invite you to view the judgement as a statement about the PERSON making it.

This mindset switch can keep us open and curious which will allow us to learn and grow.

Here are some questions we can ask to help us be outward-other focused:

• Why would this person say that? What could be their motivation?
• What could be their beliefs, values, expectations, goals?
• Why might they think it would be ok to say that to me?

Look to their communication -- their nonverbals -- for possible answers. What are they wearing? Who are they interacting with? How are they using their gestures and posture? What symbols and signs are they sending about their values and beliefs?

And consider what facts and evidence they might be using to arrive at their judgment/interpretation. What might they know or not know that could be leading them to their interpretation? They might be making a judgment based on false or incomplete information.

This final tip of framing the focus from the self to the other person can lesson the emotional impact for us of being judged because it gets us out of our emotional right brain and into our thinking/analytical left brain as we ask questions to interrogate the other person's interpretation and learn more about what they might think or feel as we trace it back from their behaviors.

Resource:

• Would you like guidance with learning how to stay engaged through the discomfort of judgment?
• Want to gain a deeper understanding of yourself and a better perspective of those around you?
• Would you like help with getting clear about the core underlying emotion (and the object of that emotion) that you are feeling?

One-on-one coaching?with me will help you to?explore your goals, your values and belief systems, your mindset, and then work to align your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors so that you're moving towards your goals and the life that you want for yourself.?If you'd like to work with me,?connect with me/send me a message here on LinkedIn.

About this newsletter:

Conscious communication is a tool that connects us to ourselves and to others in meaningful ways. As with any tool, the more skillful we are at using it, the better the results we achieve. Communication is an important tool because when we do it well it leads to better relationships.

For more than 20 years, I’ve worked with thousands of people from all over the world to increase their consciousness and improve their business communication and public speaking skills so that they can get to the good stuff in life, faster.

So, my goal with this monthly newsletter is to share my expertise in the field of interpersonal communication as a leader, award-winning educator, and coach who helps people transform their work and lives through conscious communication.

These lessons are concise highlights from the intensive work I do in my Ivy League and top tier collegiate classrooms and with private and corporate clients. I'm happy to share these with you here to help you become a more effective communicator.