Tips on making mentoring fruitful and less stressful

Author: Mykola Romaniuk

It was one of those nights filled with laughter and more than a few strong words. You’ve probably had nights like this yourself — hanging out with your tech friends, swapping stories about the chaos on your projects. No real names or companies are mentioned, just nicknames of different offence levels. In a way, it’s a form of group therapy and knowledge-sharing. You share your workplace disasters, get advice from the group, and leave with a plan of action. Plus, hearing about others’ nightmare managers reminds you that your situation might not be so bad. It’s a win-win.?

After everyone had finished joking about my story of client-side managers who couldn’t organize anything, it was my friend’s turn. Let’s call him Peter The Perfectionist.?

Peter is the kind of developer who gets his work done in the best possible way. He even puts in extra hours because he knows how competitive the tech field is. And of course, he expects the same from his teammates. He’s constantly learning, convinced it’s the only way to beat impostor syndrome. The kind of senior dev that project managers dream of having.?

I always thought of Peter as someone who avoided conflict — until he started telling us about being assigned as a mentor to a trainee (or a junior developer, according to his company).?

Though his story was engaging, its main point was obviously, “The guy is an idiot” and that’s when it stopped being funny. First, it came off as snobbish — he’d forgotten where he started. After years of working with other senior developers on complex tasks, simpler problems, like running a script, now seemed beneath him. And I could tell this attitude was fueled by impostor syndrome — the very thing that had made him avoid mentoring in the first place.?

So, I chimed in, drawing on my own teaching and mentoring experience. My goal was simple: to convince Peter that this wasn’t a burden, but an opportunity to sharpen his skills, deepen his expertise, and gain leverage in future salary negotiations. If we strip away the swearing, offences, puns, and dark humor, here’s my advice on how to make mentoring a trainee easier:?

• Set clear communication expectations? Agree on how often you’ll connect, daily or every few days, at what time (a consistent slot is ideal), and for how long. This structure will make planning easier for both of you, and the trainee will know when to bring their questions. Frequent check-ins give them time to solve problems while teaching them to prioritize issues.? ? ?

• Encourage critical thinking? Instead of solving their problem for them, ask, "What do you think?" This will push the trainee to think critically, and your discussions will evolve from "What’s the issue?" to "Let’s figure this out together." Encourage them to bring not just problems, but also possible solutions. Help them shift from "I don’t know" to "Here’s what I’ll try."? ? ?

• Help them understand the team dynamic? Many developers enter the field thinking they won’t have to interact with people much — only to find out the opposite is true. The sooner a trainee understands the roles and importance of every team member, the better for everyone. Explain how decisions are made based on different team members’ expertise to avoid frustration down the road.? ? ?

• Normalize mistakes — share your own? Trainees will make mistakes, and that’s okay. Approach errors without drama. Sharing your own mistakes, and how you fixed them, can be a powerful teaching tool. Real-life examples not only help the trainee learn but also make you more comfortable with your own past failures.? ? ?

• “It’s just a job”? Burnout happens, whether due to overtime, toxic environments, or poor communication. If you can help the trainee avoid it, that’s a win. Remind them to take breaks. If you work with international teams, be mindful of cultural differences. Remember, it’s not your personal project, and it’s okay to disagree with decisions. In the end, it’s just work.? ? ?

• Be patient? The pace of their improvement might not match your expectations, and if that happens, take a step back. It’s often a matter of patience — from either the trainee or the mentor. In those moments, remind yourself that what you’re working on is a marathon, not a sprint. Remember yourself at the beginning of your path.?

Mentoring is an incredibly rewarding experience. Not only do you get to help newcomers in the field, but you also revisit your own knowledge and approaches, expanding your horizons and sharpening your skills. Your contribution to the trainee’s growth is part of the professional legacy you’ll leave behind. Wouldn’t it be better to be remembered as the one who helped and taught, not hindered someone’s journey???