Tips for the Holidays When A Loved One has Dementia

With the holiday season upon us, many of us look forward to connecting with family and friends. Other people may remember a season that once was and is no more. My mother had Alzheimer's disease for ten years before she passed, and we learned some valuable lessons as we experienced each holiday season. Below are a few tips I used with my own family:

Step Into Their World

You will not win an argument when someone has dementia. Keep sentences simple and talk slowly. Discuss one topic at a time and when asking your loved one to engage; do it with one activity at a time. Avoid open-ended questions such as who, why, what? Stay focused on one topic.?My mother asked the same question over and over which became annoying to anyone not used to it. Simply answer the question calmly with a one word answer and if the question or statement isn't factual, accept it as fact.?You will not win that argument so avoid it.

Engage the Senses

Remember familiar ways to capture the senses: smells such cookies baking; sounds such as holiday music; sights, such as old movies; taste, such as favorite foods; or touch, such as the feel of a blanket. Involve your loved one in holiday preparations. As abilities allow, have your loved one help decorate, prepare food, or set a table.?

My mother loved to cook and decorate. As her disease progressed we kept her engaged in these activities. After the potatoes were cooked and ready to serve, she stirred them with a spoon. When flowers arrived, we gave them to her to place in a vase one at a time. We played classic holiday music that had well worn memories as she sang along. ?

Avoid Catastrophic Reactions

Children participate in holiday gatherings and their excitement is uplifting for most family members. However, this shouting and running around can be disorienting and overstimulate someone living with dementia. Large numbers of guests can be overwhelming, so ask family and friends to spread out their visits if possible.

If things get hectic, designate one room or space in the home?as a ‘quiet area’ where your loved one can relax away from the activity and noise.?During my mother’s Alzheimer's journey, her grandchildren were all under the age of ten, so we often would move her into another room with familiar Christmas music playing so she could listen or just dance to reduce her anxiety. This trick worked on many occasions for our family.??

Inform People Ahead of Time

Let other family members know what to expect and how to respond. Ask them to be patient, not interrupt or correct, and give the person time to finish a thought. Make sure visitors understand that changes in behavior and memory are caused by the disease and not the person. Let people know your loved one may not remember them or may look and act differently. Prepare them for changes in personality and behavior.?My mother did not have the language to interact with people she saw infrequently or were more recent in her life, including her grandchildren. This was especially confusing for them as they could not understand. We explained the situation to the children old enough to grasp it. Help them realize it is not their fault Nana doesn't know them.

Gifts

Encourage family and friends to give useful, practical gifts. Photo gifts that stimulate memories or can entertain them?are thoughtful options. Choose gifts that help express creativity, such as adult coloring books and other crafting materials.?For my mother a copy of my sister's wedding video was perfect. She watched it for hours as many people from her past (who had passed) were front and center and she recognized voices and faces even if she couldn’t name them.

Meals and Eating??

Dementia affects a person’s appetite. Your loved on may not want a huge Christmas dinner or may keep eating forgetting she already ate. Give your loved one a smaller portion and offer second helpings if hungry later. Avoid alcohol.?My mother loved to eat and would normally fill her plate with food. To minimize the problems, we would prepare a plate, cut food into small pieces to make it appear to be more, and serve her a Coke in a cocktail glass. In this way it all appeared the same to her (with a few family modifications).