Tips to Follow Your Heart When Deep Down You’re Hell Scared!

By John O. Ndar

Undoubtedly, you are madly in love with him- yes, those dimples, the endless chuckle, and his infectious laughter sweep you under the feet. Isn't it thrilling!

But stop.

There’s something.

You consciously try to brush it aside, knowing pretty well it’s there.

Something about your man, the love of your life, literally churns your tummy.

Is he the right man? Really? Will things work out in the long term?

You're scared, really scared, about the end game. You shiver inwardly; after all, you’ve been there before, or so you think.

Oddly, despite this, you still love Mr. Handsome madly; your heart throbs uncontrollably at the mere smell of his favorite cologne.

Just how do you deal with this crippling dilemma?

Join me to find out.

Resolve Your Previous Love Traumas

Dr Carla Marie Manly, a seasoned California psychologist, identifies trauma in past relationships as a primary culprit in igniting fears in your current love life.

He writes:

“Your previous relationship fears typically reside in the primitive brain- the impulsive, unconscious part of the brain that drives survival instincts.”

“When you’re inwardly fearful about your current relationship, you can sink into anxiety, frustration and depression.”

That’s the red flag! Beware.

You don’t want to fall into depression and ruin, do you?

Confront your fears head-on; don’t brush them aside. After all, you could be dead right- the man you so profoundly love might be a disaster waiting to happen.

Don’t take chances.

Consciously analyze the situation. Stay sober.

In a word, confront the beast of fear courageously as you strive to love your ‘black sheep!’

Deal Decisively With Intimacy Fears

Do you have a fear of intimacy with your man?

No, don't get it wrong- while intimacy can include physicality, it's not always limited to sexuality.

You fear revealing 'too much' about your thoughts, feelings and inner ideals. You hesitate to connect. You have underlying anxieties revolving around acceptance and self-esteem issues.

Deep down, you aren't sure whether this is the right person to share your soul with. And this could be another barrier in your romantic life.

So, how do you manifest anyway?

Think of it: Your lover's needs are just as essential as yours. Ask yourself: What makes you and your man feel much at ease? What makes you feel sufficiently heard and loved?

Talk to your man; find out.

As Dr Mitch Keil, a psychology professional, says:

“You merely need to honor your mutual needs, your mutual histories. Many admit that learning your lover’s love language helps create a sense of security and feeling of being loved and valued."

So, why procrastinate?

Unleash some positive energy to deal conclusively with these fears- the doubts about the man you deeply love!

Meanwhile, feel free to love and show it to the world.

Strategize to Work Through Your Fears

Dr Manly has another word to help you deal with your doubts. He says:

"Fear of rejection is normal; we all want to feel safe and accepted. However, you need a strategy to work through your fears- you don’t want fear to take over your relationship and cart away your man.”

He suggests the following to conquer such feelings as you manifest:

·?????Acknowledge your fear is genuine

·?????Consider its root causes (what exactly do you fear?)

·?????Consult a mental health expert or a relationship counsellor to help you

·?????Take time to consider whether you merely desire to get protection or crave self-defense; do this before you rush for help

Allow Time To Clear Doubts

Mary says:

‘In retrospect, considering this final point once salvaged the situation with my spouse decades ago. Oh, by the way, we’ve walked this journey for nearly three decades- with the one I once had deep doubts (and fears) about!

How did it go?

At some point, I strongly felt we had too many interest clashes (I love native music- he loathes it and adores foreign tunes; I love reading and meditating; he's little time for intellectual engagement. Instead, he makes no apologies for pursuing passive, fun interests!)

Oops! 'It won't work', I thought- we need professional advice.

Turns out, I was dead wrong!

I stopped to analyze the situation; I soon figured out time would probably heal these ‘irreconcilable’ differences- and, surprisingly, it did.

Believe you me, we've been together 29 years and counting!

Yes, consider these workable tips to follow your heart despite any nagging doubts and fears- even when you’re hell scared!