TIPS FOR CREATING A HAPPY FAMILY BUSINESS, Part II

By Mitzi Perdue

Randy Kaufman, Senior Vice President at EMN Wealth, has spent over 20 years advising business families on how to achieve peace of mind. Often this involves resolving issues with their children. She’s happy to share some of what she’s learned over all these years.

Let There Be Burning Bushes!

Kaufman’s admires a piece of advice that she heard from Charlie Collier, the Harvard family consultant: “Let your children find their own Burning Bush!”  

This expression resonates with Kaufman. She’s seen that for true family happiness, children have to find their own passion.

Children who go into the family business to meet the family’s expectations may spend the rest of their lives wondering, “What if?”  

On the other hand, she’s also seen it happen that youngsters who are given the freedom to explore, come back to the family business five or ten years later. She’s frequently seen it happen that the young person discovers that his or her own “burning bush” is working for the family business. 

They end up more committed than they would have been if they had gone straight into the business. And even better, when they do come back, they come back with self-confidence.  

They know that they can make it on their own. They’ve proved themselves elsewhere and can now enter the family business secure in the knowledge that they’re not just the SOB (Son of the Boss.)

Keep the CEO Role and the Dad Role Separate

Kauffman often witnesses the demotivating and debilitating effects that comes about when the patriarch runs the dinner conversation the way he would the board room. Problems arise when the roles aren’t kept separate. 

During a dinner conversation, the young person is thinking, “I’m not your employee!” Meanwhile the dad is thinking, “They don’t give me the respect I deserve!”  

As a concrete example of this, Kaufman knows of a CEO who told his grown daughter, “I want you to attend the Foundation meetings on Saturday in New York.”

Meanwhile his daughter is thinking, ‘My three kids have soccer practice Saturday and I’m not your employee, and I don’t feel that you respect that I have a life!”

Kaufman was able to explain to the patriarch that “Your kids really do love you, and they want to participate in family activities, but don’t treat them as if they’re employees who have to say yes.”

Listen, and Read, and Learn

“You can learn from others or you can make your mistakes yourself,” says Kauffman. Since there’s a great deal of collective knowledge about what to do and what not to do, she recommends making the effort to learn from others. “There’s nothing more important than your children, so learn from the wisdom of those who’ve come before you.  

You might enjoy her reading list for parents: https://www.emmwealth.com/our-thinking/our-reading/#Parenting

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Randy Kaufman is a Senior Vice President focusing on EMM’s strategic growth as well as client relationship management. Her expertise includes estate and income tax planning, pre-deal planning, multi-generational issues, impact investing and philanthropy. You can reach her at (212) 476-5354 or at [email protected].

Mitzi Perdue is a professional public speaker and author. Her most recent book is, HOW TO MAKE YOUR FAMILY BUSINESS LAST a Treasury of Checklists, Templates, Resources, and Tips. You can reach her at [email protected]. Or visit her website, www.MitziPerdue.com