Tips to Communicate Great in 2020

Everyone of us CAN & SHOULD improve our communication. We know that it has the power to improve our relationships and our lives. What you may not know is that it boosts your income & advances your career faster than anything else you can do.

Communication is the #1 Secret to improving your life. The problem is that nobody really knows how. I've spent that past 10 years researching the topic for a book I'm writing. Most of what's available is nonsense and outdated. But there are a few hidden gems in the sands.

Here's what research shows are the Top 10 ways to Instantly Improve Your Communication.

Tip #1 - Grab their Attention

It doesn't matter what you say if they're not paying attention.

I can’t tell you how often I watch people trying to make a point before they have gained the other person’s complete attention. We live in an attention deficit culture. The average attention span has gone from 20 minutes to just 8 seconds. That’s the same as a goldfish.

The first rule of communication is, “First, have their full attention”.

Before speaking, grab their interest.

Tip #2 - Use their Favorite Word

Everyone’s favorite song is the sound of their own name. If you want to get someone’s attention, use their name. Here’s the catch. You don’t want to overuse it. Two or three times in a conversation is the limit. More than that and it feels forced. You start to sound like a smarmy salesperson.

Try it on a first meeting. "Mary, ...nice to meet you. I've been looking forward to it."

Tip #3 - Watch Your Tone

Did you know that Tone of Voice is the cause of 90% of all arguments.

Most of the time we don’t intend to offend, but we do. Your tone conveys so much. It shows passion, interest, frustration and can betray your true feelings. Your tone is more important than the words you use. Pay attention to this powerful ally.

Bonus Tip! When you are on the phone, tone becomes even more important. They don't have your body language to interpret your meaning. Your tone conveys your attitude.

Tip #4 - Keep it Simple

Shorter is smarter. Keep it simple and sweet. Long-windedness kills communication. As the saying goes, “In the abundance of words, the message is lost”. Take the time to think through how to say it well. And that almost always means being brief.

In writing, speaking and even emails, take the time to cut the fat. Mark Twain once said, "I'd have written a shorter letter, if I had the time". Take time to make it smart & tight.

I worked with a bank President and on her desk she had a sign that read "Be Brief, Be Brilliant and Be Gone". Leave them wanting more, not less.

Tip #5 - Be Congruent

Congruence is when your words, your tone and your body language all say the same thing.

When you don’t have congruence people don’t believe you. They feel they can’t trust what you’re saying. It’s an easy mistake to make. It can be as simple as shaking your head no while saying “Yes”. In movies, you’ll often hear people say, “No, yeah, you’re right.” That’s not communication mastery. And that should be your goal.

It can be folding your arms and crossing your legs while saying “I want to talk”.

You body is in conflict with your words. It tells them you're not really open to communicating with them. Make sure that your words, tone and body language are in harmony.

Congruence conveys honesty, integrity & trust. You need all three!

Tip #6 - Use Alliteration

Alliteration is when two words have similar sounds. Dixie Chicks, Double Trouble, Tik Toc, Mama Mia are examples of this. Using words and phrases that are alliterated causes people to easily remember what you said. Here's what's happening.

The sounds run around inside the listener’s head inside the cochlea of the inner ear. They form a sort of feedback loop, causing them to recall your words even when silently reflecting on your conversation.

It's used in branding or anywhere you want to be remembered. Think Coca-Cola, Dunkin Donuts & PayPal. Once you know this, you start to see it everywhere.

Here's a little side note. It doesn’t need to have the same letter.

It only has to have a similar sound. Like Kitty-Cat.

Want to be memorable? Use alliteration.

Tip #7

Use Visual & Emotional Word Pictures

People don't think in typed text. They think in imagery.

If you say the word elephant, they don't think E-L-E-P-H etc. They see a large animal.

When you want to convey your feelings, instead of saying that makes me feel bad, try saying, “When you do _____ it makes me feel like a whipped puppy chained to a tree.”

I recently watched a Clinical Psychologist (who is also a brilliant communicator) talk about a patient who would never look up at him. He said, "She would shrink back like a terrified peasant being brought before the Emperor." Did that conjure up imagery?

Tip #8 Use their Name at the Beginning of a Question

In a meeting with Bob & Mary, if you say, “What do you think Bob?” you won’t gain Bob’s attention near as much as if you start the sentence with his name. “Bob, what do you think?”

We pay attention when we are being address specifically. In groups or with couples this is a big difference maker.

Tip #9 - Become a Great Storyteller

Les Brown says, “Never try to make a point without telling a story. And never tell a story without making a point.” We’ve all been trapped listening to a person share life experiences we could care less about. There’s nothing that relates to us and worse, seems to be no point; Just a boring reciting of events from this person’s life. Want to be boring, tell a story without a point.

“Never try to make a point

without telling a story. And never tell a story without making a point.”

People remember stories while they forget facts. Think Drama over Data.

Stories create connections, context and curiosity. They let us live in the moment through the experiences of others. It's also a powerful way to convey important truths. Make your point stronger with stories. Here's the rub. You MUST do it well.

Learn to be a master storyteller.

Tip #10 - Listen with Empathy

If you really want to be an amazing communicator, you must listen with intention.

Listening is enhanced through true empathy and intention.

Nothing captures a person’s heart like empathy. What's from the heart, touches the heart. When people know you care, they will listen to you.

Listening is the single biggest key to communication. It is the heart of Communication Mastery. Learn to listen like Oprah. Be curious about others. Ask great questions, then just listen. Don't have an agenda. Don't sit waiting for something to say. Simply Listen.

Retail Expert Ross Shafer says, “People don’t want Customer Service anymore. What they want is Customer Empathy. They want to know that you understand what they’re going through in this process.” Put yourself in their shoes. Try to see life through their eyes. You’ll be amazed with how people respond when you simply care.

My Challenge to YOU

Here’s a Communication Challenge for you. Look back at this article and see if you can find how often I used these tips & tricks in this post.

Let me know in the comments below how many tips you find and which ones they were.

FREE Giveaway

I’m going to give away a free copy of my book “Unlocking the Sales Superstar Inside You” to the person who finds the most tips first. Good Luck!

Kirk Heiner is an author, speaker and sales training expert with more than 30 years in sales. He's trained 1,000's of sales designers and sales reps from 100's of companies including Lowe’s, DuPont, Danze, Ferguson, Trend Group, the NKBA, AWFS, KBIS, Stock Building Supply, the SBA and many more. 

He's helped thousands of Kitchen & Bath Designers, Sales Reps and Remodelers make more money. He can be reached at [email protected].