How to avoid holiday stress

I've had a toughish few months. I expect I'll write about that sometime soon, when I've clocked all the lessons I've been given. ??

I know it's been a tough time for many of my coaching clients. You too?

I'm not surprised. Non-profit orgs are at the very heart of the impact of the cost of living crisis and work has been stressful for many, I know.

In the run-up to Christmas, I’ve been reflecting on how to keep a clear head in the holiday season so you can relax and rejuvenate.

Here are my ten top tips:

?? 1. Get outside

Yes, yes, we totally know this, don’t we? One of the very best ways to help yourself climb down from stress is to get into nature. The research is clear – your brain quietens right down when you connect with the wild, even for a short while. And even better if you can get into the sun too. Sunshine increases the happy chemical Serotonin so you’ll immediately feel a mood lift.

The thing is, it’s so hard in the winter, isn’t it? But that doesn’t take away from the fact that it’s true. I encourage you to grab your opportunities while you can. As I sit here writing today the sun is most definitely shining outside, and I’ll be heading into it when I’m done. I’m in London. It’s not the wilderness, it’s true, but there are trees and grassy spaces and the odd bird flitting about and that’s enough.

?? 2. Watch your social media behaviour

I’ve been having to manage my stress and anxiety levels very carefully in the past few months. I know my clients have been the same. FOMO after the deprivations of the pandemic; ‘Compare and Despair’; addictive dopamine kicks from social media ‘likes’; heading down the internet rabbit hole to emerge half an hour later – I could write a whole post (or five) about the negative affect of social media on my mental health and on others.

So, I’m making a massively conscious effort to limit time I’m on social media – and it’s working. I’m keeping social media to short check ins a couple of times a day and avoiding scrolling like the plague. It’s ridiculously hard – I guess I’m as addicted to it as anyone – and I am more present and noticeably calmer. I consider that quite a result.

?? 3. Breathe

This is easy to say, isn’t it? And tough to do when your mind is whirring and there’s a million things to do. But slow, conscious, breathing really has a hugely positive effect on your stress levels. The secret it to breathe from your belly. When it’s all shoulders, you’re actually causing the muscles around your chest to tighten and you’ll end up with rapid, shallow breaths which won’t help you to de-stress. Stand up, breathe deeply through the belly and you’ll notice the difference even after just a minute or two.

?? 4. Have a project

This is a stress-fixer in so many ways. Small projects you enjoy such as decluttering a messy cupboard, planting bulbs or upcycling a chair honour your future self, someone who will enjoy colourful tulips popping out in a window box and a tidy kitchen when times are not so difficult. As an added bonus, often these are ‘flow activities’ which means you experience complete immersion and involvement in what you’re doing. Time seems to disappear and stressful thoughts get interrupted. It can be hard to motivate yourself to do things like this if you don’t feel great but you can start small. We all know the joy of a reorganised book shelf, after all.

?? 5. Move

My youngest daughter surprised me recently, by leaping down the stairs full of energy having danced about in her bedroom for just a few minutes. Ten minutes earlier she’d slunk off to her room, low and fed up. What a transformation! Apparently, research shows that it only takes three minutes to improve your mood by moving differently. Three minutes to save yourself from peak freak out!! Jump, dance, shake, maybe throw in an uplifting song and you will boost everyone’s best friend, the happy hormone dopamine.

This is my go-to activity when I’m stressed. I put on one of my absolute favourite songs, Saturday Night Fever, and groove about like it’s 1978. (Sometimes I even get the girls dancing too – one of my greatest parenting successes is that they love a bit of Bee Gees). Those swinging violins at the beginning take me back to the school playing field many years ago and all is good with the world.

?? 6. Be grateful

One of the few habits I practiced fairly consistently through the pandemic was gratitude. Early on, I set up a WhatsApp group for friends and family solely for posts starting ‘I am grateful for…’?It was a beautiful, positive space. We were grateful for the small things like the sunlight on a kitchen wall, online singing, a good night’s sleep.

The impact of being grateful is truly extraordinary and there’s a ton of research to back it up. I know conscious gratitude can feel cheesy but when you are grateful for things that come along with no effort or intention on your part, however tiny, you help to shift your mood. How about starting with an evening gratitude diary – five things I am grateful for today – and see what happens? I invite all my clients to do this and it works.

?? 7. Avoid what doesn’t make you feel good

Are you endlessly checking the news? Do you find yourself feverishly following conspiracy theory threads on Facebook? Do you get tangled up in unnecessary conflict with others? These behaviours add to the stress and strain of life. They can get toxic as they undermine your resilience to cope with what really needs your attention. I encourage my clients to be brazen in their self-kindness and give themselves permission not to do what doesn’t make them feel good. It’s not avoidance. It’s about being supportive and loving to you. You can always return to the scrolling when the news isn’t quite so grim.

?? 8. Meditate

Meditation is proven to calm your mind and slow your heart rate. It is nothing but good for us and yet – it’s so flipping hard to actually do! Well, it is for me, and for many of the leaders I work with. Unless it’s a deeply entrenched habit, it can go by the wayside the minute life gets frantic, which is exactly when we need it most. I love and hate the quote ‘Half an hour’s meditation each day is essential, except when you are busy. Then a full hour is needed.’ Arrgh. How infuriating.

So, what’s to be done? The approach I’ve been taking is not to worry too much about doing it ‘right’, at the same time each day, with candles, incense and all that malarkey, but to take just a few minutes every now and again. I just sit with as straight a back as I can manage, breathe slowly, and notice my thoughts coming and going without judgment. I then stop and do something else entirely.

?? 9.??Plan for clarity

Peak freak isn’t necessarily because there’s lots of challenge whizzing around. It’s as much about how you feel about that. Taking time to list out what you need to do, or what you’re worried about, orders an anxious mind and gives a greater sense of clarity. The process of listing tasks and breaking them down into smaller doable chunks has a calming effect, even if you don’t have the answers to the challenges they present. I work with the wonderful Louise Miller to help me do that.

When could you give yourself half an hour to give something similar a go? It’s a bit like meditating. It’s hard to do when there’s a lot on, but massively reaps its rewards.

?? 10. Breathe some more

Conscious breathing is one of the simplest ways to lower your stress level in a tense moment. My favourite technique, and the one I teach clients, is the very simple Box Breathing approach. Breathe Out for four seconds, hold empty lungs for four, breathe in for four, hold for four. That’s it. You can say a soothing phrase in your head in time with the breath, such as ‘Now I feel calm’ or ‘This too shall pass’. Have a go at a deep breathing exercise just for a minute and you’ll notice your mind calming down almost immediately. And the beauty of it is you can do it anywhere, anytime.

Do you know what calms you down when you’re feeling up against it? What lifts you up when things feel too much? Whether you use my ideas or come up with your own, consider this an invitation to create your very own menu of feel-good fixes. It can be hard to know what you need when you’re stressed and overwhelmed, so it’s worth taking a moment now to give this some thought.

Thank you for reading this article in my Loving Leadership newsletter. I hope it's inspired you in the amazing work you do.

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Katie Duckworth is an infectiously enthusiastic change-maker, cheer-leader and inspirer of non-profit leaders and their teams working all out for a better world. Her coaching is warm and empowering. Her training, practical, engaging and fun.

This article was first published, give or take a few mini tweaks, at www.katieduckworth.com

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