Tip #184

Tip #184: Introducing yourself.

An introduction should have three-ish parts: A greeting, a platitude, your name, your intentions.

Greetings

First, you should greet the interviewer.

Example: "Good day."

Platitude

Nextly, toss in a friendly platitude for good measure.

Example: "You have nice socks."?

Self-Introduction

Second, you'll want to introduce yourself, make sure to leave out any extraneous titles.

Example: "I'm Gabpthor the Doomslayer." In this example, Doomslayer is a last name, not an honorific.??

Intentions

Thirdly, end your introduction with your intentions.

Example: "I'm excited to be here today to take note of your weaknesses in the hopes to usurp you via a hostile takeover, thus becoming the primary shareholder and enabling me to rename your company KeithSoft."

Lie to your friends

The last step, as with all interviews, is to lie to your friends and family about how well it went. Make sure to mention the fact that the interviewer didn't seem to really know what they were looking for, but you have a really good feeling because you nailed it. Remember, if you don't use the phrase "nailed it", everyone will assume you're an abject failure with no future.

Until next time

Tune in whenever-I-get-bored for more great interviewing advice, maybe. Or don't. I'm an article, not your mother.

Remember to call your loved ones, you'll never know when you'll disappoint them.