Tiny Bodies, Big Feelings: How to Emotionally Support Young Minds

From tantrums to hugs, explore effective strategies to build a safe space for your children and guide them through their emotional processing.

As we step into our children’s magical worlds, where laughter echoes and curiosity reigns, we act as our children’s guardians, protecting their hearts from the enemy called stress, and fighting our way through nurturing their emotional well-being.

But, beware, for in this magical world, not everything is as it seems. Join us in this blog as we explore our children’s minds, dissecting their emotional processes and developing strategies to offer them a safe space of trust and open communication.

The Mystery of the Brain

As kids discover the world, they do so with a lens of fascination and curiosity. While, as adults, we don’t think twice about the blue sky, the twinkling stars or where babies come from, kids live in a world of which they don’t understand, but have a wholesome inquisitiveness to do so.

Do you know what else confuses children? Themselves.

I’m sorry, dear parents, but it’s with a heavy heart I tell you that, sometimes, when we scratch our heads at the confusing behavior our children express, they might be just as confused as we are. Let’s take a moment to delve into the brains of our children:

Neurologically, research has shown that our brains don’t fully develop before the age of 25. The main differences between adults and children are mainly noted in two distinct brain regions: the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system.

Prefrontal Cortex: Situated at the front of the brain, the prefrontal cortex is the control center that works on decision-making and self-regulation. It is the region that weighs potential consequences of our behavior, allowing us to make sound decisions and adapt them in different situations. It is also essential in self-control and emotional regulation since it is involved in inhibiting impulsivity and using reasoning.

Limbic System: The limbic system works more instinctively, seeing as it is involved in processing emotional stimuli, forming memories and reacting reflexively towards danger and stress. It is composed of several brain structures, such as the hippocampus and amygdala, that work together to respond appropriately when there is a perceived “threat”. For example, the well-known “fight-or-flight” response is initiated by the amygdala to protect the human’s survival.

Neurological Maturation: In children, the prefrontal cortex is still immature, while the limbic system is more developed, working actively to protect the body. In other words, these small humans are experiencing intense emotions in their tiny bodies, but they lack the cognitive ability to understand, regulate, and express these emotions. As a result, tantrums are thrown and tears are shed- sometimes, by both child and parent.

Building A Safe Haven

What does this mean when it comes to emotionally supporting children and providing them with a safe space? The process of understanding why you’re feeling a certain way and how to react appropriately requires certain levels of self-awareness and cognitive maturity which children have neurologically not developed yet.

Don’t give up yet, though! Luckily, there are strategies one is able to use to both support children and guide them through their emotional discovery.

Avoid pressurizing: You might know that your kid had a tough exam he was nervous about. And the moment he enters the house looking all defeated, you immediately know that his exam did not go well. Before announcing your new discovery, you can say “Hey, how was your day? You seem a bit sad, did something happen?” This allows you to offer a non-pressuring space for your child to choose what to share, and express what’s bothering him. It also teaches your child to ask for support instead of finding it readily thrusted in front of him.

Listen actively: Once your child shares something that has been bothering him, you can start by listening actively to what the child is saying. This step is particularly important because not only will understanding how he feels help you in supporting him and making him feel understood, but it will also help him by providing a learning opportunity to name and label these big emotions. If a child started crying, for example, saying, “I studied so hard.” You can help him discover and label these emotions, guiding him to link the stressors that are causing these emotional reactions, “You sound disappointed and sad that you studied so hard, and you ended up not doing well on the exam.”

Validate their struggles- no matter how small: Let’s be real, after a long day of chores and workload, a flopped exam may seem small in the grand scheme of things. As adults, we might feel the need to comfort our children by highlighting that this exam will be forgotten in a day or two. However, remember what we said about their cognitive development. This minor setback may genuinely feel massive. Therefore, instead of dismissing this pain they can’t control, validating it will allow them to feel understood, heard and respected, increasing the chance of them opening up about other difficulties they face.

Keep things confidential: One thing that hinders kids from opening up is the possible repercussions they might face when sharing information they feel are confidential. Not yet having the maturity or experience to verbalize their confidentiality boundary, it is still a mental blockage they struggle with. Unless there is high-risk of danger on the child, respecting children’s confidentiality is essential for fostering trust and safety. Instead of worrying about judgement, punishment or betrayal, children can openly confide about their feelings and thoughts.

Simplify language: Sometimes, we might want to take advantage of our kids’ challenges, and use them as opportunities to teach the meaning of consequences and logic. While this skill is indispensable for their growth and well-being, it is also important to remember the cognitive limitations our children possess, depending on their age. This is why it is sometimes important to simplify the language and logic we use to accommodate their own capacity, rather than pushing them to meet our level.

Incorporate play and creativity: Playtime is the means of communication your children know best. Since verbalizing their emotions and thoughts may be a difficult feat for them, incorporating play through art, toys and storytelling may be an effective tool to nurture communication, bonding and emotional well-being.

A Guardian of Great Patience

When it comes to supporting children, everything is easier said than done. To have the capacity to remain in this commitment, one must also care about their own mental health and energy.

These following tips will offer you help on how to remain patient when supporting your child emotionally:

Practice self-awareness: Sometimes, certain situations or phrases from our children may increase our frustration. Being aware of these triggers can help us develop plans on how to avoid and deal with them.

Relaxation techniques: When things become overwhelming, we might feel the need to lash out in order to de-escalate a tantrum more rapidly. However, practicing relaxation techniques, whether by moving away or taking deep breaths, allows us to approach the same situation more calmly and with more empathy.

Set realistic expectations: Developing a plan for your child’s emotional well-being takes immense effort and patience. It is particularly frustrating when plans fall through because of a resistant child or unforeseen challenges. Reinforce your resilience by acknowledging that progress may be slow and not always positive.

Seek support: Unlike your child, you may understand why you’re experiencing certain emotional reactions. However, having a safe space for you and your needs is just as important. Seeking support through friends, family and professionals can provide you with the encouragement and guidance you may need through challenging times.

Resilient Children

As we unravel the mysteries behind our children’s mind and psychology, we can better understand how their emotions are processed and felt. Helping them through their journey of emotional discovery and opening a safe space for them to feel heard, understood, and supported could be tricky business, as we balance between mentoring and encouraging. A guiding principle for all adults supporting their young ones is shared by Margaret Mead:

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”