Timing, Chemistry, and Values

In 2017, shortly after my divorce, a new friend gave me a gift—one that continues to influence how I approach relationships and, unexpectedly, my professional life.

As I navigated my way back into the dating world (which hadn't involved "apps" or even "online" the last time I had been doing it,) she shared three simple yet powerful ideas that have shaped how I evaluate whether any relationship, personal or professional, is worth pursuing.

Come to find out, the framework of these three principles applies just as much to job searching as it does to dating: timing, chemistry, and values.

As I applied the framework to my dating life 2017-2019 and then most recently while job-searching, I’ve found these concepts are universal, underpinning how we relate to others—be it a potential romantic partner, a prospective employer, or a future colleague.

Timing

Timing is everything. In both dating and job searching, it’s not just about finding the right person or the right role—it’s about finding them at the right time.

Even the most perfect relationship or dream job can fall apart if the timing isn’t right. In dating, timing could mean that one person is ready for a committed relationship while the other is still figuring out what they want. Similarly, in the job search, you could be the most qualified candidate, but if the company is in a hiring freeze or going through a restructuring, the opportunity may not materialize.

Tips for the Job Search

Timing isn’t just about external factors, though. It’s also about personal readiness. Are you really prepared for the relationship (or job) you’re pursuing? Do you have the capacity—emotionally, mentally, or physically—to give what’s needed?

I’ve learned that patience and self-awareness are crucial. More than once has the lesson been reinforced for me: it’s not about finding what’s right for right now, but what will be right in the future.

Chemistry

Chemistry is often thought of as that inexplicable connection that makes two people click. In relationships, it’s what sparks attraction and sustains compatibility. Chemistry is also a two-way street. Just as both people need to feel the connection in a relationship, both the job candidate and the employer need to feel it’s the right fit. I learned you can’t force chemistry in a relationship, and you certainly can’t fake it in a job interview.

Tips for the Job Search

When interviewing for a job, it’s not just about whether you can do the work—it’s about whether you “click” with the team, the company culture, and your future manager.

Have you ever walked out of an interview thinking, “This just feels right”? That’s chemistry at play. Trust your gut when you sense whether or not the connection is there.

Values

Finally, and most importantly, it boils down to values. In any relationship—romantic or professional—shared values form the foundation. They guide how we make decisions, treat others, and navigate challenges.

In dating, values align around topics like family, career aspirations, and lifestyle choices. In job searching, it’s about company culture, mission, and work-life balance. On more than one occasion over the course of my career, I’ve found that misaligned values, more than anything else, are what cause relationships or job opportunities to fail over time. If you don’t share similar priorities and principles, conflict (and/or "irreconcilable differences") becomes inevitable.

Tips for the Job Search

During the hiring process, it’s important to ask questions that get at the heart of a company’s values. Perhaps, for you, that looks like: What does work-life balance look like here? How are decisions made?

Evaluating Holistically

What this framework has given me is a roadmap for evaluating opportunities holistically. In both dating and job searches, I learned to longer focus on one dimension (like how fun a date was or how much a job pays). Instead, I take a step back to ask: Is the timing right? Is there genuine chemistry? Do we share values?

As this framework was a gift to me, may it support satisfaction and long-term success in important relational aspects of your life too!