The Times 'Christmas is about relationships'

Tomorrow is the first Sunday in advent and the Church begins its countdown to Christmas. If the children in your life are anything like the children in my life they have already started counting the 'sleeps' till Christmas. No need to wait for ecclesiastical candles or chocolate advent calendars, the excitement and anticipation has been palpable for weeks.

Christmas is all about love and relationships. It's about being in contact with friends and loved ones we may not have spoken to all year; it's about eating and drinking with friends and family and it's about buying presents to say 'you matter to me' or 'I love you'.

But as we focus on rekindling relationships with those who are special to us, it’s worth remembering that, by contrast, the first Christmas was actually all about relationships between complete strangers.

When Mary and Joseph travelled far from home, it was not a long-lost uncle or distant friend who gave them a place to stay, it was the unnamed Inn Keeper who offered his stable to the young couple. Likewise, the first visitors to see the infant Jesus weren’t grandparents or cousins, they were Shepherds who wandered in from the fields and Wise Men who arrived from afar completely unannounced.

I believe it’s no coincidence that the kindness of strangers played such a pivotal part in Jesus’ entrance into the world. As a man, Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he explained that it was to love God and love your neighbour as you love yourself. He practised what he preached; he loved everyone, especially complete strangers and those who the society of his time rejected. There is something truly transformational about building relationships that are founded on love and acceptance.

Roseto Valfortore is a small Italian village located about 100miles south east of Rome. In 1882 eleven Rosetan's emigrated to USA and reports they sent back resulted in hundreds following them. They settled and created a community, Roseto Pennsylvania.

Dr Stewart Wolf, an American physician, came across the Rosetan community and was astonished by their incredibly good health. Not only were incidence of heart disease almost unheard of in those under 65 years of age, the death rate from all causes was 30-35% lower than the wider population.

Wolf began to research possible reasons. He started by exploring diet and exercise, then he studied genetics and the environment, but he could find no reason why this people group should experience such great health. Finally, his studies turned to the way the community organised themselves and treated each other. He concluded that the social structure and relationships of love and acceptance that existed within the Roseta community led to their happy, healthy and long lives.

The Mental Health Foundation recently published a report on 'Relationships in the 21st Century: The forgotten foundation of mental health and well-being'. Its research showed that social relationships have a greater impact on our health and wellbeing than our diet and exercise. That shouldn't be an excuse to forgo our 'five a day' or trips to the gym, but it should encourage us to invest in relationships – even with strangers.

We live in a busy, complicated world where it’s all too easy to see the differences between people and stick close to those who are like us. However, the Bible teaches that 'God is love' (1 John 4:16) and that we are all created in His likeness. Only when we live in love and relationship with others can we live as God desires and flourish and thrive as he intended.

This is not an easy challenge. How do we build communities where young people don't become isolated and vulnerable to extremist religious teachings online? How do we develop marriages that find a way through differences, misunderstanding and selfishness? How do we enable our teams at work to communicate effectively, work collaboratively and value differences? How do we help nations remain united and at peace with one another?

At advent, as we count down the 'sleeps' till Christmas, let’s relook at the way we do relationships. Just like Jesus, we might need to step away from the hustle and bustle of life to ponder and pray about how we can improve the way we do relationships both with those close to us and those within our wider communities. When we follow Jesus’ example we can make strangers feel welcome, accept people who others reject and reach out to repair damaged relationships. If we can make relationships work better, we would build a better world.

Matt Bird, CEO of Cinnamon Network International www.cinnamonnetwork.com

(First published in The Times newspaper 26 November 2016)