Times they be a'changing: What are WE going to do?

Hi Friends. I've been a little quiet because I just wasn't ready to get back to this yet.

I'm glad I took a little time to re-calibrate because things have certainly changed for us all.

With my work touching many remote places around the world, it suddenly feels very challenging to fully recognize and appreciate just how much everyone is going through.

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I would love to know how YOU are doing in all of this. You've probably been doing a lot more, and a lot of different things. Hopefully not too too much worrying, but it is unavoidable.

Many people have been coming to me about job uncertainty, underemployment, burnout, and fear to speak up, as well as any number of other COVID-19 pressures.

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You are not alone.

For all who are stressed, anxious, confused, or annoyed, I wanted to share just a couple of resources and thoughts to support. These are things that work for me and many of my clients, and I hope they will work for you too.

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1. Gratitude to Center Us. As I sit here in my PJs well into the afternoon, let me invite you to please offer up some gratitude to someone who you know to be working hard so the rest of us can be safe. If you are one of those people, Thank You! May they be happy, may they be healthy, may they work with ease and be at peace.

If we start with gratitude, we can center ourselves. Here are a few additional ideas that I offer to you...

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2. Self-Care Roadmap to Remind Us. It turns out that having something in writing can drastically improve resilience - even resilience of "hardened" mental health workers in refugee camps, for example. Maybe something worth trying out. I bet it will take you less than 3 minutes to get started.

If you want to try it, you get to figure out the design on your own. Mine is a treasure map of sorts, and reminds me of what I should be focusing on - things like refuge, courage, nature, beauty, gratitude, and mindful awareness, to name a few. It's too large to post here but if you'd like my visual, please just e-mail me at [email protected] or message me here and I can send you a digital version.

Others just have a few bullet points on a page. Here is a template from Homewood Health that I've used with clients at FEMA and the UN, but you can search for any number of other templates online.

The key is to just have it handy so you can reference it every now and then. We often forget that we have all kinds of coping skills readily available to us, and a little structure can reasonably inspire us to new heights.

I would be remiss if I did not highlight Charles Figley's work at the Traumatology Institute. Charles introduced me to this written self-care plan concept last year and he has said that "self-care is an ethical obligation." In fact it is written right into the charter of the Green Cross.

Conversely, failure to have good self-care may rise to the level of malpractice. It's a word that some of us lawyers and coaches (and parents and others of course) do not throw around lightly, and I wonder if you agree with this framing? It took me some time to come around to it, but the orientation really helps me to remember about "filling up my cup" so I can help others.

3. Self-Compassion Meditations To Refresh Us. If you have a mindfulness practice or have already done some work on self-compassion, this may already be familiar to you or otherwise it may be a no-brainer. If you've never meditated or just do not like the idea of it, you may still find this a soothing optional exercise.

Kristin Neff, who formalized the concept of self-compassion, has several wonderful mediations available for free online, as well as companion exercises. For those who would like more, may I suggest The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert (I am not affiliated in any way).

Perhaps a little space, a little silence, some breathing and a rest is all that you need. When in doubt, just pause. =) Looks like in some ways, pausing is a great choice nowadays.

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4. The Words of Others to Inspire Us. Looking to the wisdom of others can be very supportive and uplifting, particularly when they shift perspective. I'll leave you with two quotes. One I received from Cinnie Noble when this pandemic was just beginning, and which has become more popular over the last few weeks.

“And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply. Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. And the people began to dream new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed.” - Kitty O'Meara

Isn't that a beautiful invitation?

And finally, let's not forget our favorite stoic, Epictetus, and his philosophy of how to be happy.

"Don’t demand that things happen as you wish, but wish that they happen as they do happen, and you will go on well."

Easier said than done, but perhaps worthy of exploration. Until next time, and wishing you well in the interim.