Is it time to talk about your mental health?

Content note: This article contains discussion of suicide.

Last Tuesday, 10th September, was World Suicide Prevention Day. It’s estimated that there are more than 700 000 suicides per year worldwide, with each death having far-reaching social, emotional, and economic consequences.

The theme for World Suicide Prevention Day over the next three years is ‘Changing the Narrative on Suicide’, aiming to raise awareness about the importance of reducing stigma and encouraging open conversations to prevent suicides.

It’s a subject that I’ve personally been affected by, and I think it’s a particularly important topic for men to be speaking about, so this week I want to share my tips for getting through particularly stressful times. These have helped me in the past and I hope they might be helpful for anyone who might be struggling right now.

Please note: the information shared within this blog is intended for general knowledge purposes. It should not be considered a replacement for seeking advice from qualified mental health professionals. If you're dealing with mental health issues, I strongly recommend reaching out to a qualified medical professional. They can provide tailored guidance based on your specific circumstances and needs.

Don’t let your brain play tricks on you

It seems like the last few years have been a never-ending rollercoaster of events: COVID, the war in Ukraine, the Israel/Palestine conflict, and a lot of people are struggling in the face of the cost-of-living crisis.

That feeling of it being ‘one thing after another’ can really do a number on your mindset, and kick any continuity bias you might be experiencing into high gear.

Continuity bias is that thinking trap that tells you however things might be now… that’s how they’re going to stay. So if you’re experiencing particularly stressful times and feel like there’s no light at the end of the tunnel, remember that your brain is playing tricks on you. Even though things aren’t great now, it doesn’t mean that they will stay that way forever.

Make self-care a priority.

As I often say, your health is your wealth, and physical and mental health go hand in hand together. When you’re not looking after one, the other will inevitably begin to suffer.

Regular listeners to the podcast will know how important my physical health is to me, and when things are getting out of balance in my life, it’s one of the first red flags that tell me I need to take action. When I don’t have the time for some kind of exercise first thing in my day, whether that’s a run, a swim or a proper workout, and it keeps happening on a regular basis – for me that’s a real wakeup call that something needs to change.

Of course, it’s easy for me to sit here and say ‘go out for a run and you’ll feel better’, when the reality is that the last thing you want to do is pull on your trainers, and I’m not saying that you should immediately start training for a marathon – far from it! But it’s important to do something. Even if it’s going for a walk in a local park, or getting in the water for a short swim.

Get a routine in place and then add a little more to what you’re doing each day, if you can. It’s the power of marginal gains – small, incremental changes leading to a big and noticeable difference further down the line. You need to be patient, as you won’t see the results immediately, but give it time. Try to eat healthily, exercise, and get enough sleep. Small steps can make a big difference and will have a huge impact on your mental health.

Connect with others

One of the biggest issues I think, for a lot of men, is that they don’t talk to anyone about their worries or their feelings. They might feel ashamed if things aren’t going well, or that whoever they choose to speak to might dismiss or minimise their concerns (‘You think you’ve got troubles, just listen to mine!’).

But the truth is that it’s really important to connect with people at times when you’re feeling low – whether it’s a friend, a mentor, or even talking to an online community. They may not be able to solve your problems for you, but you might find someone who has had similar experiences and can offer some advice (or even just a friendly ear).

If you’re putting on a brave face because you’re worrying about what people think of you, or that you’re somehow letting them down, may feel like a good strategy, but it rarely works – the mind can distort your perspective when you’re under a lot of pressure and talking to people may help you see things from a more manageable point of view. Remember the old saying – ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’?

Don’t play the blame game

When things aren’t going well, it’s very easy to start looking back at events and blaming yourself for not doing things differently – why didn’t I do this, or that? How could I have let X, Y or Z happen? Whilst I do think it’s important to learn from mistakes, it’s really important that you don’t start beating yourself up over things that are outside of your control.

We have three circles of influence in life: there’s the inner circle, which is you; there’s the outer circle, which is your friends and family; finally there’s the great beyond, which is everyone, and everything, else.

Remember where your control lies within these circles. You’re in total control of everything going on in your inner circle, that’s your emotions and your behaviour. You’re not in full control of the outer circle, but you do have reasonable influence over what’s going on.?

Beyond that, you have ZERO control.

Focus on what you can control in your own life, and don’t worry about the rest. That’s advice I’ve given to myself over the years – it’s not helpful to spend sleepless nights over things that you aren’t able to influence. Think instead about how you react to these stressful situations: how you behave and what decisions you make based on what information you have.

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I hope you’ve found this useful. Remember, there is always help available. If you or someone you know is struggling, the resources below may be helpful.

In the UK:

Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/ ?

Mind - https://www.mind.org.uk/ ?

Mental Health UK - https://mentalhealth-uk.org/

In Ireland:

Samaritans Ireland - https://www.samaritans.org/samaritans-ireland/ ?

Mental Health Ireland - https://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/

Aware - https://www.aware.ie/