time to talk?

A couple of weeks ago I wasn’t feeling too great. I was all over the place, my head was a mess and my thoughts were just going round and round in my head like a tumble dryer. I was going around in circles, sharing everything with Sarah but it was the same thing over and over again and I was very up and down, grumpy, angry, stressed and plenty of mood swings in between.

Initially I didn’t say too much to anyone else about how I was feeling. Yet I did share in the lads WhatsApp group that I’d had a couple of rough days at work, which admittedly is something I don’t do too often. Over the next few days the private messages started appearing in my whatsapp, mates checking in on me, asking how I was. I’d not even said much but having such good mates, it’s like they had a sixth sense and could just tell something was up. Just knowing that I had people around me that cared felt like such a relief, and I felt less alone when I’d been isolating myself.

Then, I ended up writing to a startup foundrs group I’m in sharing how I’d been feeling. I got an incredible response again. WhatsApp messages, emails, calls, people asking if I was free at the weekend. It was unreal and overwhelming.

I’m well aware of the irony of all this, and only now can I see how easily it is for me to isolate myself and try and do everything alone. I didn’t actually really ask directly for help, because I didn’t really know I needed it. Instead I just actually told people how I was feeling rather than just saying; “yeah fine” and I actually did that with the people closest to me. I actually talked and shared a bit of the real me, not just the censored version. I spoke out, even though it was hard and un-natural.

I’ve taken a good dose of the medicine I often dish out and it tastes fantastic. The last couple of weeks have been a reminder to me that the people around you want to be there for you, it’s not a chore for them, because they love you and that actually opening up isn’t a bad thing, it’s the way to move through something.

I'm writing on this on the day of Time to Talk Day which is extremely ironic and on the same day that Sanctus have a campaign about talking being f*cking hard. Which, this post and short story completely aligns with. Talking is bloody hard, especially about your feelings and your mental health and if it was really easy we wouldn't have the mental health epidemic that we have. 4 years of therapy, coaching and working in mental health and I still find truly opening up hard, because that's the way it's supposed to be. Vulnerability doesn't get any easier, or else it wouldn't be vulnerability. You can't get "good" at being vulnerable.

Writing this I feel very grateful for Sarah - my partner, my mates and the foundrs community and very grateful that I’ve got people in my life who I’m close to. All the therapy, meditation and yoga in the world doesn’t compete with community, family and friends. 4 years of writing and championing mental health and these lessons are still there to be learned. It just goes to show there is no “perfect” mental health and you never just get it. We’re always learning, always adapting and always responding to life and new situations, people and environments.

James x