Time to Stop Hiding, Lying and Allowing for Micro-Aggressions

(Enjoying the Diversity, Equality and Inclusion Experts at WBECS and you definitely should do too)

I have been silenced at work - not by anyone in particular - but by my own choice. I have decided not to be honest to save another's ego or my own or 'I am too new', 'I lack enough background knowledge on the matter' - many reasons but they never stop the main issue.

I am not speaking the truth, my truth or my opinion. 

Many times, I am asked if I have an opinion or a view. However, as the only woman, Asian, young person in the room; I felt my voice would not change or affect the decision, that was already pre-made by the majority. Or I was hoping one day, I would have more power in my standing to say something regardless of being the only one of my kind in the room. YES! These are all simply 'voices in my head' but they sure sound real. 

Recently, a very senior woman leader said to me - that she now speaks out often and more because she has to. She was hired to improve the quality of decisions in the room, not keep the status quo. Her value add was exactly what kept her apart from the rest - she was the one in the room with a different life experience." You must hear all relevant voices - especially the dissenting or unpopular ones - This is essential." Molly Tschang 

I have found a reason when I speak nowadays. One that resonates with me, given my status as a minority culture, minority gender at most Tech and Leadership events I speak at or attend, youngest in the room (yes, even now that I am nearly 50!) for my industry or role. I remind myself I am the one who was given the opportunity to sit at the leadership table. I am the token and I am therefore the representation of voices still left outside the boardroom. I do not speak for myself, I speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. I may not represent them all; however I can try, and I should.

Jennifer McCollum reminded us 'inclusion is about whether those people are treated as integral members of that organization. In the words of inclusion and diversity trainer Verna Myers: “Diversity is being invited to the party, and inclusion is being asked to dance."

So many times, on the surface we invited everyone at a meeting to speak but we ignore the power dynamics involved in speaking up. The head/host of a meeting should incorporate means and ways to encourage the quieter voices in the meeting to be expressed. Not call them out to speak as if they needed to be helped to speak (that seems patronizing), but rather, encourage or even speak to them before the meeting to remind them you would appreciate their voice. This is a micro-affirmation by a leader to assist the minority. 

I have learnt that when I hide my voice, I hide myself despite having a seat at the table. 

How many companies called themselves a 'family' or a 'team' when essentially it is a pretense. As “belonging” refers to whether all people feel like they can bring their full selves into the workplace, and that their “superpowers” are acknowledged, valued, utilized and celebrated as highlighted by Jennifer McCollum.

We need to make belonging happen - not speak the terms and lie; as if it were real.

One of my male colleagues, told me at a meeting not to "worry my pretty little head about the marketing" when I asked a question about how we would be handling marketing for a webinar. In that moment, I felt a gut punch. I knew I had every right in this day and age to call it out as inappropriate - yet I did not. I was still reeling from the fact he said that and more importantly no one else stopped him or corrected him. This is the same colleague that speaks with violent and sexual graphic references at work meetings - and while I see others wince at the inappropriacy of his tone and phrases, all of us - let it pass.

The aggression seemingly too micro to be point out? Do we let the micro-aggressions pile up until they become aggression? Seems like many of us do and we see this unfortunately still in the world today. (at the time of this article being written - I have reported this colleagues' inappropriate work talk to the senior leader heading our team).

Join Molly and Jennifer at their sessions in https://coach.wbecs.com/wbecs-2021/a16077 - Diversity, Equality and Inclusion coaching is key to our next steps to Truth, Being Seen for our Superpowers and more Micro-Affirmations.