Is It Time To Say Goodbye?

“WINNERS NEVER QUIT AND QUITTERS NEVER WIN.”? - Vince Lombardi

We’ve all heard this quote. And many of us have lived by these words. Michael Jordan once said, “If you quit once it becomes a habit, never quit.” Countless other examples of quotes have influenced a national psyche to resist quitting at all costs. As part of my practice and work, however, it’s the no-gray-area, emphatic statements and beliefs that are often the root of a problem. I ask my clients and businesses to question these statements and look for the gray. The insights gained from unpacking these set-in-stone beliefs have proven highly productive and effective.?

Quitting, or not quitting, is a topic I address regularly. I work with entrepreneurs and business owners, but also a lot of people navigating their ideas, their projects, and their careers. There's been a lot of discussion, especially recently, about quitting. Several well-known personalities have recently stepped away from their high-profile roles. When Jacinda Ardern , Prime Minister of New Zealand, resigned, she stunned the world. She seemed to be at the top of her game. The same is true for YouTube CEO and one of Google’s earliest employees Susan Wojcicki. It made a lot of people pause and consider the idea of walking away.?

WHEN SHOULD PERSEVERANCE END??

As leaders, we want to persevere and build an environment where people who work with and for us can also persevere. But there are moments in our life, very personal moments, where we feel restless or unsatisfied, filled with some sort of angst that we have to examine. Is it time for me to let this go? Is it time for me to move on? Is it time for me to quit? Jacinda Arden said in her resignation, “Sometimes you just know when it's time, and it's time.”?

Quitting on time can feel too early. When it's time to leave, it will feel like it's too early for everybody around you and maybe even for yourself. It may feel more like a pull than a push, but when all things line up, you must trust yourself to give in to that pull.

There's also a danger in waiting too long—danger to your reputation and danger of not leaving well. Many remain until they are bitter and disgruntled, which can lead to a bad exit. As your stress levels rise, there can also be a danger to your health, well-being, and even your family life.?

ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

It’s essential to ask the right questions and reevaluate where you're going while examining the overarching paradox of should I stay or should I go? You must determine if you have a vision for your future chapters, and if so, are you headed in the right direction? Is your only destination retirement? Are you working on autopilot? There is an obvious danger in not imagining where you want to go. As Lewis Carroll famously wrote, if you don’t know where you are going, all roads will take you there.

Crafting a vision for your future isn’t as complicated as it seems. I have my clients look at all areas of their life today and then paint a picture of their desired destination. What do they want their life to look like in twenty years? With that in mind, what has to happen in the next year to begin to move the ball down the field? They begin to reevaluate and focus on their important life priorities.

The conversation around quitting can feel like a trap with these same clients. They may feel like a failure or disappointment whether they stay or go. In my own experience of leaving at the top of my career, everyone told me I was crazy. To many, the idea seemed shocking. Their disbelief made me start doubting myself, and I wondered if I was just giving up. Was there an element of failure in the decision that I was making?

REDEFINE YOUR IDENTITY

I looked at my life as a whole and realized that if I kept pushing the way I was pushing, I was failing myself and those around me. No one was getting the best of me, including me. I was failing the vision I had painted for my desired future. When I put my identity in the right place, I could move past the fancy job and title toward something more. I let go of one thing to reach for something new. When I gave myself the space to understand more fully who I was and what I wanted, I could move on. There was nothing wrong with my past job; it was just time. And when it is time, it’s time. And that is not failure.??

We can leave on time because we can say, this is just one thing in my life. I've done it to the best of my ability, and now it's time to try something else and take a leap of faith.??

BEFORE THE FINAL DECISION

As we talk about the danger of leaving too soon, many people are sitting in frustration of their own making. They believe that the company or their co-workers are the problem. They move on, only to find themselves feeling the same way at their new location. The grass wasn’t greener, and they aren’t sure why. When we have an experience or two like this, we must look in the mirror and ask, is it me??Always thinking the grass is greener on the other side might mean losing the opportunity to grow, learn, and develop because you're impatient or indifferent to your own blind spots holding you back.??

I encourage my clients to ask if their work dissatisfaction is changeable. Will a conversation with your boss, co-worker, or human resources director make a difference? Will an attitude change or leaning more fully into your talents make a difference? Get honest with yourself and others before you head for the exit.??

But if change cannot be found, and you've done the hard work, realized you've either outgrown the company or the role, or you're in a toxic environment, then yes, decide to leave. You won’t regret taking the time to try and figure it out. And if you do leave, remember to leave well. Burning bridges has never served anyone well.?

A FEW FINAL THOUGHTS

Stay or go? Quit or not quit? Persevere or move on? There are a hundred ways to look at these difficult decisions. Make a plan to think it through, realizing that ignoring a decision is, in fact, making a decision. Consider crafting a vision for your life - your whole life. Being stuck at a crossroads trying to decide which path to take can feel paralyzing. But it is possible to take control, work through the issues and find the answer that’s just right for you.?