Time , Relativity and Ballybay

Thankfully Monaghan’s 4th largest workwear store is staffed , mostly, by reliable, hardworking prompt and punctual people. There is a theory that if you have one negative person in any group situation you then need three positive  people in the same group simply to balance their attitude. In our company it requires at least three punctual people to compensate for my own casual relationship with deadlines, appointments and other peoples schedules.

I regularly arrive 5 to 10 minutes later than everyone else at any given social occasion. And sometimes that is me being early. I like to think of meeting times as aspirational rather than mandatory. This annoys people.

It wasn’t always so.

It started the day I got married.

It was a full thirty minutes before the wedding was due to start that I arrived at St.Dympna’s Church in Tydavnet. It was empty apart from me and my brothers , Darth and Stephen. They wanted another quick run through of where they were to stand at different points in the ceremony and we were on the altar when Fr.Larry Duffy  came out to make sure everything was where he expected it to be. We all chatted, joked and laughed together in the empty church.

“You’re very relaxed, Paul.” Father said.

“Sure I’m marrying my best friend today and I’ve been looking forward to it for ages” I replied.

He clapped me on the back, shook our hands and wished us well. Then I turned around. I stumbled against Stephen. The empty church was now full and I was staring at smiling friends, family and one hundred and thirty six members of the Familia Clerkin. Darth and Stephen helped me into a seat. I had to put my head between my knees. My Mum and Dad were sitting behind me , concerned. Dad offered me a lozenge, Mam , a handkerchief, neither helped. Dad, Darth and Stephen took me out the back of the church so I could breath. Mam stayed in the church to convince both sides of the house that I wasn’t doing a runner.  After what seemed like three seconds we were summoned back in by Fr.Larry, my Soulmate had arrived.

I stood in the aisle facing the altar, holding on to the end of the pew for dear life and making various promises to Our Lady, St.Joseph, all the shocking Holy Saints, Buddha, Vishnu and that seagull from Jonathon Livingstone Seagull, if they could stop me from fainting until I got to say ‘I do’ and heard her say the same. Then I could faint to my heart’s content , safe in the knowledge that everything would be ok.

She arrived at the top of the aisle, I shook hands with her Dad, I was mesmerised, which was a marked improvement. We sat together on special seats at the front. She held my hand. “Are you ok ?”, she asked “ You look terrible ”.

“I think I might faint”. She said a one word prayer, rolling her eyes to Heaven, “Jesus!”.

Then she gripped my hand tighter and whispered “I’m here now, we’ll be fine.”

She was right, we are.

However , since that day I always seem to arrive later than everyone else to various things. We went through a phase of arriving at other people’s weddings shortly after the bride and then being caught on the wedding video slinking up the side of the church to find a seat, being careful not to overtake the bridal procession. We are now in a phase where we are no longer invited to other peoples’ weddings.

Some people consider it rude to be late.

But last weekend in Monaghan I learnt of a cultural and historic reason.

 Ballybay

Last Saturday we took part in a Walking History Tour of Monaghan. It was part of the Easter 1916 commemorations in the town that day, which were brilliant and attracted a great crowd. At one point during the tour our excellent guide Theresa Loftus told us that up until October 1916 Ireland operated on Dublin Mean Time which is 24 minutes later than GMT. The time was calculated by Dunsink Observatory outside Dublin and it accurately reflected the correct sunrise and sunset times.

However as telegraphs, telephones and rail travel became stronger features of the new century a decision was made in London to streamline the times on October 1st 1916 under the Time (Ireland) Act. When the clocks went back on that morning in England by an hour , they would go back by 35 minutes in Ireland and remain synchronised thereafter.

This must have seemed like a straight forward and simple idea to the mandarins in London. In Ballybay it wasn’t so simple. There was a distinct anti-British feeling in the country after the executions of the Eater Rising leaders that year, the mass roundups and imposition of martial law. The Municipal Board of Ballybay saw the imposition of GMT as a further attempt by the London government to impose British Imperialism in county Monaghan and voted to stay with Dublin Mean Time.

This sounded wonderfully rebellious and received popular support…..until you needed to use Ballybay train station.  The Stationmaster was a card carrying Republican and upheld the Board’s decision ruthlessly. This quickly led to confusion. Not many people in Ballybay in 1916 had a watch and everyone relied on the Church clock and the Railway clock to tell the time, which they did, Dublin Mean Time.

This laudable and principled stand against Imperialism failed for the very simple reason that the Stationmasters in Clones and Castleblayney, the stations either side of Ballybay, weren’t both quite as Republican and  happily adhered to the new GMT timetable. Trains arrived ‘early’ in Ballybay. The Stationmaster held them until his clock said they could go, making them late everywhere else.

The Ballybay Time Warp ended after three days.

Relapse Into Punctuality

This week I relapsed and turned up early for two meetings, for the Border Bizcamp and Town Team Czar, Trevor, respectively. I found both occasions unnerving. Arriving first is a truly horrid experience, trying to look purposeful by looking at your phone, huffing and then twisting your arm to look at the place on your wrist where you used to wear a watch, all to lend an air of meaning and authority. But failing miserably and looking like a spanner.

I would like to reassure all my friends, family, colleagues, fellow committee members,members of the board, budding athletes, runners, Coders and members of the clergy that normal service will be resumed, do not panic, I will be there eventually, I have stopped to smell the roses, and will arrive fashionably late.

As my old mucker Oscar was wont to say :

“I am always late on principle, my principle being that punctuality is the thief of time.”

Cheers,

Paul