It is Time for Reconciliation

The Eagle Newsletter N°6, July 2021

Dear Ones,

How do you feel today?

Do you feel a sense of sustenance, support and optimism that summer often brings??Changing your wardrobe with?joy dressing?bold prints and ruffles in all colors of the rainbow, all symbolizing shared relief at emerging from a traumatic year.?

Or do you feel the side effects of what just happened, this?pandemic Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?syndrome, still the frustration, the irritation, the spiral of negative thoughts, the uncertainty that lies in this liminal space in between the old and the new.

I know. It is a lot to process. Too much almost.

We are retracing and re-examining the structures of our lives and the principles on which they stand. We know now. We know that emotional connections are the glue in our lives — personal, professional, everywhere. With our consciousness cornered into an upgrade, there is rebellion and innovation regarding the material world and resources, regarding society programming and its binary culture.?

As an example, Raphael Saadiq’s “My Path” song offers a warning to the world, asking us to be more clever than ever in our fight for justice and equality. We’ve got to do better. We’ve got to be more clever than ever because the world can’t stay this way forever.

Feelings and the business world, really?

In the business world, we don’t talk about feelings*, but we should. We were used to leaving personal matters at the door.

But something shifted.

We are recovering from the pandemic world, where the frontiers between personal and professional lives have become incredibly blurry, when we have seen our colleagues, bosses, clients and partners in the intimacy of their homes in the midst of their lives.?The humanity behind the work can’t be ignored anymore. It brings the necessary call for authenticity and the vital acceptance of vulnerability — both ours and of those around us.

The poet David Whyte offers this reminder:

“Vulnerability is not a weakness, a passing indisposition, or something we can arrange to do without, vulnerability is not a choice, vulnerability is the underlying, ever present and abiding undercurrent of our natural state. To run from vulnerability is to run from the essence of our nature, the attempt to be invulnerable is the vain attempt to become something we are not and most especially, to close off our understanding of the grief of others. More seriously, in refusing our vulnerability we refuse the help needed at every turn of our existence and immobilize the essential, tidal and conversational foundations of our identity.”

Excerpted from Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words by David Whyte.

Our natural birthright is joy, not struggle.

As leaders, it is?new.

We have been conditioned by a “contest culture” which thinks of a workplace as a battle zone to be conquered, driven by values such as competition, strength, rationality, assertiveness, emotional restraint, toughness and dominance.

These contest culture values are, of course, positive in some ways as they demonstrate the ability to work under pressure, independence, fast learning and efficiency. But they also promote extreme confidence, the stamina to work long hours, dog-eat-dog competition and the prioritization of work above all else, including family and friends.

This dominant workplace model has tired — even drained — many employees, driving them to quit at record numbers. It has also led to toxic behaviors, gender-segregation and discrimination, all of which jeopardizes the livelihood of organizations.

It doesn’t come as a surprise that the mix of COVID-19 and unhealthy workplaces has increased mental health issues and hindered employee well-being while exacting a huge toll on business profitability.

Recent?surveys?found that employee engagement decreased globally by two percentage points, from 22% in 2019 to 20% in 2020 while workers' daily stress reached a record high, increasing from 38% in 2019 to 43%. Consequentially,?40 percent?of workers are considering quitting their jobs this year.

The problem arises when these values are separated from and elevated above other values that could prove just as beneficial — if not more so — to an organization. These values are community, mutuality, equity, inclusivity, interdependence, emotional intelligence, deep listening, self-reflection and self-care.

Here?is an article from Tema Okun on Supremacy Culture that examines our culture at large in organizations, and what we can do to make it better.??Here?is an article to support you in implementing a workplace fueled by relational culture.

It is time for reconciliation

“Following the world we see that seems so insane is the result of a belief system that is not working. To perceive the world differently, we must be willing to change our belief system, let the past slip away, expand our sense of now, and dissolve the fear in our minds.”

-William James

Now we are facing a post-pandemic world, and it is time for reconciliation. Progress?and?maintenance. Strength?and?vulnerability. Doing?and?being. Taking?and?feeding.

Reconciliation starts with the shift from judgment to curiosity about thoughts, feelings and behaviors — ours and those around us, our team, partners, customers. When we are traveling down this path of awakening, becoming more conscious of everyone’s — including our own — emotional terrain and behaviors and getting intentional with how we show up in the world as leaders, we naturally start to want to align with what feels good in ourselves; because?the pain of not listening becomes greater than the fear of listening.

The opportunity here is to realign or align with that which supports and nourishes our integrity, which grounds us. There is an inherent optimism in dedication and devotion, one that is generous in its effect. Ultimately, as Clive Lewis once said: “Nothing but the courage and unselfishness of individuals is ever going to make any system work properly … You cannot make man good by law, and without good men you cannot have a good society.”

How do we relate to responsibility and commitment? What do those words bring forward within us?

Presence

“You do not need to be anything, say anything, do anything here to prove you are enough or worthy or good. What you have to do is create space for your continued growth and expansion.

Lay down your swords, particularly the ones you use against yourself.

In the practice of belonging, we are not seeking prowess or domination over anyone else, but the ability to live into the conversation between things.”

-Toko-pa Turner

We must start to recognize our role as managers in creating an open, inclusive and safe environment that allows employees to bring their whole selves to work.

Containers are necessary. Especially in the workplace. Boundaries are healthy. It’s ok to say no and it’s ok to say yes. It is finding a way to nurture our team and ourselves: openness, pleasure, being heard and providing comfort, support, compassion and rest, That means we must give permission to take care of ourselves and seek help. We must offer inclusive flexibility, which is so important with the necessary set-up of?hybrid work.

Every human behavior is rooted in the need for safety?— even the most self-destructive ones. So instead of creating more insecurity with self-judgment, engage in compassion.

Helping others isn’t a chore, it is one of the greatest gifts there is. Your willingness to open up an honest conversation with your employees, especially on “challenging subjects” like mental health, loneliness, fear, is exactly the kind of gift that so many people want and need right now.?

Two Questions

How are you doing?

It’s a powerful question.

Like this one: “How’s your mental health these days? I know these can be very stressful times — and please let me know if I’m overstepping.”

It is a gift that offers a space of worthiness to the receiver, and the removal of assumption on your side. Take the time to ask, take the time to listen, take the time to share. It’s helpful if you are willing to share your own struggles, too, giving yourself permission to be who you are, encourages people to feel safe and be authentic as well.

What do you need?

With this question, you want to show that you are there. As a bridge to resources, rather than being the resource yourself.

It is about facilitation rather than leadership. It is about approaching your colleagues and teams with the mindset that they are resourceful, able, and may need your support but not necessarily solutions.

You can ask questions like: “What would be most helpful to you right now?” “What can I take off your plate?” “How can I support you without overstepping?”

I know. You may ask, is it so simple? It is. Ask these questions to yourself and feel how they land inward.

“Of course! the path to heaven

doesn't lie down in flat miles.

It's in the imagination

with which you perceive

this world,

and the gestures

with which you honor it."

-Mary Oliver

Harmony

Recently I came across the beautiful writing of?Sarah Blondin. As we are entering the warm stillness of summer, I would like to leave you with the option of choosing harmony.

“Take a moment to realize your very important role in the functioning of a healthy world. See how you can make a difference. We all dream of the same harmonious reality. By remaining separate we cannot heal. All can be restored if we do our part to love what harmony is, only found in breathing as one breath. We have the power to be poisoned or experience tremendous joy. And, fortunately, joy feels far better than hate.”

Let’s be the joy and all will prosper.

I thank you for taking the time to do this reading with me. I am so grateful to journey alongside you.

I will be back in August. Until then, be well,

Laurence

*??Here is The Hoffman?list?of emotions and sensations to help expand your vocabulary and label accordingly what you feel. The first step is to notice our emotions via bodily sensations and then label our emotions.

If you’re reading this and you haven’t yet subscribed, then join our community of resilient leaders on a journey to build strategies with a business purpose beyond the bottom line. The ones that create positive change in the world.?Click here. Thank You.

Laurence Duarte is the founder of the boutique management consulting firm?Strat and Shield Co.?specialized in strategy and criminal risks management for high-tech and luxury organisations. She is a regular contributor to?Harvard Business Review France, writing about uniting profit and purpose to help businesses scale successfully and sustainably, with heart.