In Time of Quarantine: The Grief Brief
Edy Nathan
Innovative Thought Leader in Grief, Trauma, and Sexuality | Keynote Speaker | Healthcare, Corporate Wellness, Long Term Care, Hospices | Author
By Edy Nathan
What? You want me to stay home? For how long? You know I’m claustrophobic right? And an extrovert? It’s okay…I’ll just go to work, go to my office, hang out there, I’ll keep my distance, promise!
I’m used to running from one client to another. I’m used to being just a minute late to the next meeting because I’m so busy. I’m used to having to schedule when I go to the bathroom because there’s so much to do… what to do with all this space? When I’m not racing to… anywhere.
Now what?
Then the messages from our Governor’s and newscasters — stay home- stay home — only go out for essentials. And, if you live alone, ok, you’ll learn to cope with the isolation — I mean we are a culture of isolationists, aren’t we?
This can’t happen to me. I’m young, I’m immune! This virus won’t touch my friends or family. Until it does. Until it’s more than 10 degrees of separation. It’s at most, 3 degrees, and all of a sudden some people you know don’t feel well, they complain of feeling tired, or having no sense of taste or smell, and then there’s that little nagging fever, that just won’t go away.
I can’t think beyond this, and my heart is racing, not because I’m busy, not because I’ve got to get to the next patron or make the next batch of coffee, or get to the next meeting, my heart is racing because when denial can’t be my best friend, then anxiety slides in next to me, and says, in an alluring voice,
“Hi there — I’m gonna make you feel things you may have never felt — like your heart racing for no reason.”
Like sweat secreting down your back, and it’s not because of a fever. This anxiety is a nasty little bedfellow, and it likes to take your breath away. Yes, it can even make you feel like you are not getting enough air and therefore making it seem like you are not breathing. Well, if you are reading this, you are alive, you are breathing.
Take a deep breath. No, not that little one you just took. I’m serious, a long, deep breath. Ok, thank you. Now let’s talk!
Let’s do a little breath test here.
Take in a breath, as much as you can, and hold it. 10 seconds. Now, release it. If you were able to hold and release, GUESS WHAT? You are breathing. You are alive.
What anxiety and grief will do, is make you feel as if you can’t get enough breath, and then you go into the
“I can’t breathe" panic mode.
Grief, in light of this virus, can capture the best parts of you. We are not going to let it do that.
If you do this breathing exercise six times a day, you will regulate what feels dysregulated. You are working your brain, telling your brain you do have enough oxygen, not to panic, and though this virus has put rules out there for social engagement, there are things you can control.
Regulating your breath is one thing you can control
Anxiety and Grief. Oh, the depth of grief, the unending pain of it, filtering dark thoughts affecting the body, the soul and the psyche. Grief is an emotion we’d rather not feel, or know. An emotion of impact only occurring when someone we’ve loved dies. An emotion that crushes us when we’ve lost something important- like freedom of doing what we want when we want it.
Especially now….
Grief is showing up big time. It’s a Big G — the same Big G experienced when a loved one dies. The brain is haywire with a sense of loss that may have to do with the loss or sickness of a loved one, yet is mixed in with the challenge of being cut off from a parent in assisted living, or having kids home to be schooled by you or are back from college earlier than expected. The brain is on fire as everything is out of order.
The rules have changed, and grief is invading our front line: where we live, where we work and where we play. The homes we live in, the house of worship we pray in, aren’t the safe havens they once were. Behind closed doors, fear and unknowing feeds the anxiety, and for some, panic sets in. The panic is fed by the narratives and story’s we tell ourselves. And this is where you get to be an interrupter of the storyline. As Dr. Fauci says, stay with the data. Stay with the facts. Staying with what you know can actually help the grief.
Calm these narratives, these stories and identify who might be your ally throughout this. What makes this a pandemic is how the world is fractured in a communal kind of way. Financial woes are not a statement of your worth or of your success. Everyone’s portfolio, if you have one, is being seized by the state of this virus closing the doors of many businesses.
This is an opportunity to rethink — to regather — to assess — and to clean house.
Maybe you’ve always wanted the time to create a new business plan. So, do it now! Maybe you’ve wanted to get out of the busy, hectic life you’ve been living? Is the time, now. Maybe you’ve wanted to be more engaged with your kids, or your partner. Why not now?
Within our losses, the grief we’d rather not feel, there are unknown gifts.
Reconnect. To. You. Grief can dance with you, not steal your soul.
Now it is time to enjoy the space, not the race! Find your community at home.
For these tough times I am offering a free chapter from my book, "It's Grief: The Dance of self-Discovery Through Trauma and Loss" Just send a request to: [email protected]
In Print:
It’s Grief: The Dance of Self-Discovery Through Trauma and Loss
Ending trauma on a global scale one family at a time and it starts with healing ourselves! ??
3 年This has been an awesome read, love it Thanks for sharing. I'd love to get notified and see more of your content in my feed, it'd be awesome to connect Edy
Board-Certified Licensed Massage Therapist, Reiki Master Teacher, owner of Renascence Massage & Bodywork, Writer/Author, NH Fish & Game Chief Instructor, NHTI Nursing.
4 年I've said for years the world has gotten itself in a sad state. Faster, faster, bigger, better, blah blah blah. We neglect ourselves on many levels, so how can we help others? I think this was a wake-up call for people to slow down, reevaluate their lives, their work, and to be around loved ones more. To embrace people and things, hobbies, etc. we put off. I also believe that for many of us wanting to start new careers in writing and less stress that we finally have the time, albeit it forced upon us, such as my case. With no sense of when I'll be able to return to work, I have to work that much harder to produce quality content and promote myself. In a strange way, I believe there are many positives resulting from this time. My hope is people take yet again another hint from Mother Earth and remember lessons learned, if not for themselves then for future generations.
Trusted Advisor to Women in Leadership | I Help Elite Executives & Women Founders Go From "Just" Successful to Ridiculously Successful & Deeply Fulfilled | Leadership & Executive Excellence
4 年Edy Nathan what are your thoughts on how people are going to need to manage the collective grief of mass losses, and also grieve in a space where they might have lost someone without being able to say goodbye in person or hold a proper mourning ritual>
I help Financial and Insurance Advisors earn more in a single sale than the average agent makes in a year. While other programs help their clients have 6 figure years. We help our clients have SIX FIGURE DAYS.
4 年Great advice Edy focus on thing you can control instead of than things you can't control!!!
I Help people achieve fantastic results by providing clear measurable strategies for progressive health/lifestyle change
4 年Great article Edy Nathan, introverts of my family and friends are doing fine in this environment and my more extroverted friends and family are for sure struggling more but this is a great resource and I like the message of just being present in the moment and I have been doing well with "cleaning the house"