Time out and solitude - a strategy for building resilience

I will be in the heart of Dartmoor on my own when this article is published so I thought I would reflect on the power of solitude and taking a few days away.

Can you enjoy time on your own?

We all enjoy time on our own although it is often a side effect rather than the main purpose.

Going out of the office for a coffee and a break.

Going for a run or a bike ride for the exercise.

Often these are activities where solitude is a side effect but not the main purpose. I wonder why that is.

Sometimes it is difficult to tease apart the cultural stories that drive our behaviour or stop us doing certain things.

From my experience I would say it felt 'weird' to declare that I was going to spend time on my own. I am not sure that it is a taboo but it is definitely not normalised. Having a cycling break with mates felt much more socially acceptable. Going on holiday with my family is fine.

Some people will go on an organised buddhist retreat - perhaps when it is packaged up as a product this way it feels more socially acceptable or normal.

Why would you deliberately spend time on your own?

My experience of solitude

I just started the practice of taking a few days away on my own last year. Before this there would always be something to do - mostly this took the form of a long biking weekend with friends. I enjoyed this time - no responsibilities, with friends whose company I enjoyed, the pleasure of exercising and pushing my body, beautiful scenery and a challenge.

I realised that I wanted to spend more time in what I considered unspoilt nature. I also felt a yearning to go to Dartmoor on my own when I drove past it on the drive to a holiday with my family. I responded to that call, wisely heeding what I was being told without further analysis.

I was used to solitude in small doses, some a product of working from home; some a deliberate choice to go for a walk on my own to work through difficult feelings or when seeking insight and creativity.

I spent 3 days in Dartmoor. I had some ideas of what I might do but deliberately had no plan or agenda. I took my bike and some walking shoes.

Each day I would wake up and see what I wanted to do. No shoulds, no plan or agenda, just what felt right in the moment.

It was blissful, certainly helped by good weather, striking scenery and quiet with very few people.

When I first thought of this article I was going to write about Attention Restoration Therapy and the value of spending 3 days away in nature as Garry Pratt mentions in his book 'The Creativity Factor'. He refers to this as the 20:3:3 rule where you spend 3 days a quarter on a strategy retreat.

Whilst this is valuable I was following my instincts and responding to what I felt I need. There is no need for post rationalisation. I don't want to provide you with the intellectual and evidence-based justification.

Plenty of others will do that.

I am inviting you to pay close attention to what your body is telling you, respect what you hear and act on it. I am inviting you to trust yourself.

Just after New Year the idea that I needed another few day retreat appeared in my head. I agreed to the suggestion and had decided when within the week, limiting the possibility of reasons why I shouldn't appearing.

How do you put it into practice?

If you are doing this already, that is great. If not I invite you to start by doing what feels right for you and certainly not what I am telling you.

That might be small doses of solitude or several days in some wild place. It could be a day trip to the coast or a stretch of woodland near you.

It could be lying on your bed or sitting in a room paying attention to your feelings and sensations with curiosity and no judgement. It could be following a specific meditation practice or just quiet contemplation.

The only 'rule' is to follow your instincts.

And if you don't feel like spending time alone reflecting then don't force yourself to follow any of my suggestions.

Perhaps now is not the time.

Perhaps it will be in the future...