Time out!

When I was a child, my parents used "time out" as a form of punishment whenever I misbehaved – and I hated it! I was supposed to reflect on what I did wrong and how moving forward, I would behave better. However, what was going through my mind was "what do I need to do to get out of time out?" In the famous words of Kimberly Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that!" There were video games to be played, shows to watch, friends to play with, etc. 

As an adult, I still struggle with the concept of "time out." Of course, as we grow up, there are more responsibilities on our plate - work, family, hobbies, partners, and Netflix (too many good shows and movies to watch!). Being in "time out" is not an option, or at least that's how it seems. 

When some ask you, "how are you doing?" do you usually answer with "super busy, I have so much going on with my life," or when you ask the question, someone might answer with something similar. They might implicitly list their current state "OMG, I have a few projects at work, and I'm working super late, also I have the flu, but I have been getting up at 5 am to work out every morning. I have to stay in shape, but I have been eating badly because I do not have enough time to cook when I get home." What I'm thinking when I hear those things is, "wow, you are going to burnout!" (I will expand on the burnout effect in another article). In reality, I’m guilty of propagating this belief system, like if working myself to exhaustion and not taking care of my health is more important than taking care of myself. I’m happy to say that working to change the priorities in my life – health, quality time with friends and family, happiness, and work-life balance are the top of the list. 

The society we live in today has a fascination with being busy. If you are not doing something, you are just withering away! Or at least that's what I thought, and I have fallen into those bad habits. 

Today's article is not to preach about what you should do with your time or simplify the demands of our daily lives. Instead, I'm advocating for the concept of "time out." How do we get to know ourselves if we are always busy? Or, have you ever acted or behaved a certain way, but you did not know why or you weren't sure? It is easier to say, "that's just the way I am," and if that is your answer, then I wonder if you are choosing not to see why. Perhaps, there is pain or unpleasant memories tied to those behaviors.  

By taking "time out," I get the chance to self-reflect on those unpleasant memories, not because I particularly enjoy it, but it gives me a moment to take control back, and I get to understand why I reacted a certain way. Of course, it is easier said than done. It takes practice and commitment to yourself. And if you commit, I can guarantee you that the payoff is worth it. Being mindful is much better than drifting in the middle of the ocean without any direction. Being in control is the difference between being a victim or taking accountability. One gives your power away to circumstances or other people; the latter permits you to be in the driver's seat and in control of your life!

It is essential to make a distinction between ruminating and self-reflection. Have you ever replayed a conversation that did not transpire as expected over and over with no end in sight? Ruminating simply is repetitively going over a thought, a problem, or memory without completion. Often times, we attach negative emotions to those problems, which makes us feel hopeless and depressed. On the other hand, self-reflection is crucial to aids us in processing our feelings, and we get a chance to ask ourselves powerful questions to guide our growth. Self-reflection allows us to feel wholesome and clear our minds of the negative talk.  

As I write this article, I’m sitting in Peru taking a well-deserved “time out.” I admit that I had anxiety before leaving; there were deadlines and meetings at work, personal events, and a fantastic dog to take care of! I’m happy to say that I made the right decision by coming to Peru and taking time to self-reflect. The few photos I shared in the article are from the time spent so far on my trip. I will be here until February 24th!

I will leave you with three questions to think about, are you taking enough time outs for yourself? If not, what is stopping you from it? Are you avoiding being vulnerable by not self-reflecting? And, what do you do to take time out?

What's your take on this topic? Please comment below, and feel free to like and share it with your network.  

My next article is coming on March 4th!

Thank you for reading!

A special thank you to Jessica Herrington and Joan Varini for your feedback and support!