Time to move beyond 'empathy' and 'compassion'
Anindo Banerjee
Associate Director - Corporate & Investment Banking @ Standard Chartered Bank
We often use words like 'empathy' and 'compassion', in order to feel somebody else's pain or to understand somebody's tough situation. Empathy and compassion are amongst the tallest virtues that one can possess in their life and is a critical element of a healthy society.
But what about the opposite of 'empathy' or 'compassion'?? We should be empathetic or compassionate towards somebody's unfortunate situation, misfortune or grief. But what should we be/feel when we see someone happy, prosperous and blissful?...Is there a feeling/word to describe feeling happy for others' happiness?....Sadly neither the English vocabulary nor the Hindi one nor the Bengali one (the languages I know) have a word to describe.
And maybe the lack of a word to describe that is because we as a society have gotten used to being comfortable with feeling someone's pain and feeling bad for them, but we are not very comfortable to feel someone's happiness and be truly happy for them!. Our minds are socially wired to be empathetic and feel sympathetic for the people suffering from grief and pain and at the same time we ignore happiness and prosperity around us because that evokes envy in most cases. I know this is an uncomfortable mirror to hold up, but reflect hard enough and you shall realise this is true!. If I were to be honest, that was true for me for about 20 years of my conscious life as well!...
Thankfully, Sanskrit had a word for being happy for someone's happiness or good fortune. The word is 'mudita' (??????). Just imagine how our minds can be re-wired to feel the happiness of others around us. Yes, there is grief, sadness and suffering all around. but on the other side there is also so much joy and happiness all around us. And I am sure that if weighed against each other, the happy people around us or known to us will always outnumber the sad people around us. Also, choosing to feel others' pain and suffering while choosing to ignore feeling the happiness and bliss from others' successes and happiness makes us become pessimistic and bitter and we tend to develop a gloomy view of the world around us!...
But practicing 'mudita' has been blissful for me personally. Being genuinely happy for somebody's progress, for someone who has just been blessed with a child, for someone who got their dream job, for someone who just realised what their life's goal is, has made me realise that there is indeed so much happiness in this world and I was missing out on experiencing this bundle of happiness just because our society never teaches us to think about things this way and also because of my own insecurities.
I would implore everyone to start practicing 'mudita' their daily lives. For then you will realise that there is more joy and happiness around us than pain and suffering and feeling happy for others' happiness and their success stories will truly inspire you and make you more optimistic and hopeful for a better tomorrow!.