The Time That Man Never Forgot

Often, we don’t understand what someone else is experiencing even when we are sitting right next to them. And that individual cannot tell you anything different. How can you explain the details of a dream, a memory, or an experience that you relive in your thoughts day after day?

Trauma has a unique way of taking control over our lives. All of our senses become hyper-aware or dulled to nothing. We cannot control it. Trauma, until properly dealt with, controls us. Even if we pretend to hide it away, it’s still there. It lives in us. It lives in our bodies, even down to the cells themselves. It lives in our brains eating away at our reality. It lives in our experiences manipulating our senses.

Soon we can no longer make the distinction between what is real and what is not real.?

Trauma will remove every sense of sanity, memory, or experience from our lives. It will torture us, mock us, and pretend that it owns us. And it will; and it does. It will until the end.

And then it is over.??

That time.?

Steven Flannigan lived down the street from me my whole life. Given that I’m 25 years-old, that has not been a very long time. Mr. Flannigan recently turned 72. When I was younger, I remember several families getting together to celebrate Mr. Flannigan’s birthday every year. Times have changed. People change. Neighborhoods change.?

When I was busy with college, I missed one or two of his birthday celebrations. Now that I’m a little older, I miss the days when we celebrated Mr. Flannigan’s birthday. You see, Mr. Flannigan was a local hero. After the Vietnam conflict, Mr. Flannigan came back to the states, settled in his father’s house, and learned a trade. He became a mechanic. Truthfully, he could fix anything. He was a ‘jack-of-all-trades’. His favorite hobby, however, was working on trucks. As far back as I can remember, he owned his prized possession, a 1995 Ford F 350 diesel dually.??

When he was younger, he raised enough money to open a shop. He did very well over the years. His business grew because people trusted him; and because he was a great mechanic. Unfortunately, about ten years ago, his health started to fail him. With the help of his sister’s daughter, he sold the shop. Since then, his popularity waned, along with his physical and mental wellbeing.?

Family matters.

I see Michelle, Steven’s niece, and her daughter, Nicole, several times a week. They are the only people that really come by and visit with Steven. He can no longer be trusted to care for himself, at least not consistently. Because of the respect she has for her uncle, Michelle chooses not to put him in a care home. Since I still live with my parents – no judgment please – I also check on Steven when I can. After work, or when I am not studying for my MBA, I often just sit and talk with Steven, which it seems is all he wants.

When I do, I sense that he sometimes does not even know I’m there. We might be watching some television, and he would just stare. He would not stare at anything in particular, just straight ahead. Then he would mumble something, almost as if he was reliving some event in time. Once, when Michelle and Nicole were there, they told me this has been going on for some time now. Although she never gave me the full details, Nicole indicated that he was under a doctor’s care.

Back in time.

Now, when I visit Steven, I never know what to expect. Some days are better than others. I know it’s a good day when Steven goes out to start up his truck. He loves that truck. He does not drive it anywhere. And I’m not quite sure why he still has the keys to the truck given his condition. I think Steven has some sense of recognition that he should not drive. But he does like to start the ignition. And when he does, the roar of the diesel engine could be heard from my house.?

When he starts the engine, he just sits in the cab. He doesn’t turn on the radio. He just sits, looks straight ahead, and thinks. Sometimes I wish I knew what he was thinking of. I ask him from time to time. Sometimes he tells me stories of when he was young. He is most fond of the stories after the war. When he was young and strong. When he could fix things and feel youthful. Those are the good stories.

But sometimes, the memories become clouded. He becomes afraid of something. He seems to be reliving some type of trauma. Nicole told me that he relives his experiences from when he was in Vietnam. They still haunt his memories. At times, these flashbacks only last a few minutes. At other times, they last up to an hour. When he is in that state, there is no reasoning with him. There is no talking with him. Nicole said that she and her mom just sit there and make sure he is okay. That he does not hurt himself. So far, so good.?

For that, we are grateful.?

Last night I went to visit with Steven. Once again, he talked about the truck he owned when he was a teen before he went off to war. He told me it was a blue Chevy. When he was a young teen he would race it around town or take it to go fishing. I think he loved that truck as much, if not more, than the dually sitting in his driveway.

Today, Nicole came to visit. Before she left, she gave me the keys to Mr. Ferguson’s prized possession. He would not be needing them anymore.

About the Author

Dr. Keith McNally is host of the Question Guy Podcast! He is also the author of Walking the Path – A Leader’s Journey. Dr. McNally is a leadership coaching focusing on making an impact. What impact do you want to make in life? What legacy will you leave? If you need to step up your leadership impact or are looking for someone to help you write your leadership story, he’s the guy! In fact, he’s The Question Guy!?