3 Reasons Co-Dependency is a Cop-Out
Seated across from me on a plush sofa, the amiable Licensed Professional Counselor soaked in my verbal epiphanies, recollections, and ideas.
I scheduled an hour to vent about things that my friends were tired of listening to and my husband and mom would not appreciate; the idea of spewing intimate details about my life to an unbiased stranger seemed appealing.
Somehow or other, it turned into an hour of self-reflection and stories, I thought, were gritty but full of character, nonetheless and I started to view my dilemmas in much more amusing light-- at various points in my life, I've considered writing a comical Novel based upon true events.
With 15 minutes to spare, I was hungry for guidance, empathy, and perhaps a little humor from my LPC ; with conviction and professionalism, she praised my astute introspection and effectual communication skills and quickly summarized my entire life experience and personality with a single label: Co-dependent.
TIME'S UP! $120
In recent years, a new idea has been made popular and mainstream; it suggests that anyone who belongs to a dysfunctional family and/or relationship and enables the said, "Dysfunctional behavior" with excuses and empathy is a co-dependent.
I am not ignorant to my bias, however, I propose three objections to this idea:
1) There is not a family or relationship that does not operate within the confines of dysfunction and I would challenge anyone to show me otherwise.
Furthermore, dysfunction adds color and builds character! That astute introspection that she referred to is the result of much of what she would call, "Co-Dependent experiences"
2) I have never, not once, known an individual to respond favorably to judgment and ostracism.
People are aware of their short-comings and humility comes naturally by defiling one's own character, not by forced realization.
Behavioral change will not be derived from guilt. Guilt only leads to resentment; resentment leads to bitterness; bitterness leads to an unhealthy self-image, and back again to the negative behavior.
3) "Co-dependency" sounds weak.
None of us, with all of our baggage, are easy to love 100% of the time.
Exercising perseverance in choosing to love when it is not made easy takes immense strength. We are all co-dependent, if we were not, there would not be some 7.442 billion people in the world.
I certainly am not degrading professional counseling-- I am an advocate of a professional unbiased point of view, for many, many reasons.
Prior to attending the session, I did not want clarification; I was hoping for justification and permission to feel the way that I was feeling however, the truth of the matter is that if the world is comforted by Psychiatric labeling, then dub me an enabler. I do not believe in being taken advantage of and I have learned through great humility that it is not in our power to change one another and that the devil doesn't fight fair and he does not care how we are wronged-- he will let us dig our own grave of bitterness and we cannot move forward in life if we are stuck in the past.
All-in-all, we are called to love our neighbor (Mark 12:31)
https://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency