That Time I Struck a Nerve
I am not currently connected with Laila Al-Alwan, PhD. She's an actual doctor although I don't know her field. A while back she posted about coaching services. That's so 2019. Everybody has to make a living and I mentioned why I would not go there.
With anyone. Logging on this afternoon I was mentioned in a post that you can enjoy:
Why choose #coaching? or why not?
Part-1
This post is prompted by a comment from Thomas Jackson (quoted in comments section)
Here are some questions to help you know whether you should choose to have a coach or not
1- What do you need?
Therapy is different from life coaching. You will hurt your chances of getting results if you mix your expectations.
2- How much do you value yourself?
We all know, consciously or unconsciously, what is the right thing to do.
Then, why don't we do it on our own?
Because we are wired to be more motivated and accountable when we are answering to someone else, more so when a lot of money is involved.
Therefore, when you hire a coach, you are paying them to keep you motivated and accountable to YOURSELF.
3- How much do you value your time?
Due to motivation and accountability, when we are on our own, we take longer time to reach our goals, if ever.
Time is the most precious currency you have. Because once you spend it, you can never gain it back.
So, how do you want to spend your currency?
4- What are you seeking?
No one can give you what you don't give yourself.
So, NEVER hire a coach to seek their care. Hire one because you care and value yourself more than anything else you have.
#wholescence #mentalhealth #personaldevelopment
Laila Al-Alwan, PhD Author
Wholescence Coach | Helping leaders move to the next level of their leadership journey!
The comment by Thomas was "There has been a lot less coaching rhetoric since the pandemic. I was sent to therapy and those doctors were ineffective life coaches. Do I need to pay someone thousands of dollars to tell me to lose weight and finish the long rumored book? I know that. If I have to pay someone to care? I'm doing it wrong."
It was in response to my post
I eliminated some of the spaces because this is not a post. Feel free to check out her profile and pursue her services. Phil Friedman made a comment that brought this to my feed.
That's so 2015. For those of you old enough to remember when LinkedIn cared about groups; Mr. Friedman ran some active ones that introduced me to professionals. That's the name of the game.
I never asked to be sent to psychiatrists. Essentially? They were court appointed. The court of my parents who could have spent their money more wisely. I also had experiences with personal trainers that put me off to their services.
There are good and bad employees in every field. Coaching is like my sex life. If I don't do it myself? It doesn't get done. It is unfair to imply intercourse with a female doctor. I wouldn't go to a sex surrogate, either. I described why I wouldn't solicit a prostitute as I described why Bitcoin and Forex do not interest me.
Bringing me to a script idea. It was about the second coming of Christ. Without going into details of a barely started screenplay (I need to work on finishing books that seemed "easy" to write.) the way people would know he really was The Second Coming was that he had a strong message and asked for no money. There were no parlor tricks- no walking on water nor multiplying loaves and fishes.
Just a message of hope. Reiterating what you already know. Sometimes we need a reminder. I wasted so much time with people who muddied the waters that I would not believe anyone could solve my problems except myself. It's a longer road. I don't want lateral moves.
If I were to find someone who loved me back? Too much to ask right now. Why did I use a picture from Love Story? Because it is a marvelous work of fiction. Two people fall in love equally and become better people.
Oliver is amazed that he retains the information as he is studying. In love you want to be a better person. No coach will ever do what my sister did as a baby regarding finding true purpose. In fact? My devotion to a family member might have been what sent me to psychiatrists in the first place.
None of which has to do with Laila's services. Different people have different needs. It was not my intention to single her out although I have devoted a long missive to her. She is trying to explain what she has to offer on a professional website. At least she isn't pushing cryptocurrency.
Outside forces never made me feel better. That goes for drugs, alcohol and whatever else. Greatness comes from within. At no point did she brag that she goes to coaches. Some think they will impress us by announcing how many thousands they spend on coaches themselves. Sort of like an "Up line" in Multi Level Marketing. That's not how Dr. Al-Alwan does business.
Faith not worth questioning is not worth having. Once the libraries reopen properly I shall seek out different books. I learned more in the library than I did in school or with any professional. We all have different paths and you need to find the best and most effective journey. Work it out for yourself.
Transformation Strategy Consultant | Transformation Leadership Coach
4 年Thank you Thomas for writing an article dedicated to me and my post. I quoted your name on my post because your comment was the reason that inspired my post. I hope I didn't offend you by doing that. Just to let you know about me, I have suffered a lot in my life. I was never supported by my family, but I also was never able to be the person they wanted me to be. The only person that loved and supported me (my fiancee), died after few months from my arrival to Canada. I felt alone, broken and worthless. I took depression medication for 10 years and attended a therapy for 5 years. At first, every time I met the therapist I would leave her office more depressed than when I entered. The reason was because she told me what I knew I should be doing! "Change your way of thinking about yourself" It made me feel guilty and useless, because despite knowing what is the right thing to do, I still couldn't/wouldn't do it. After few sessions, I stopped seeing her. But she called me asking about me. I told her that I didn't want to waste her time. There are other people who would benefit from it. She said "I never told you are wasting my time. I want to see you and know how you are doing. I will not see someone else in your time" Her words made me feel valued and supported at a time I felt lonely, hopeless and worthless. So, I promised myself that every time I meet her, I will have something good to say about myself. I would always try to find something good to do or say before the appointment, so I can tell her about it. And that was what I did monthly, for the next 5 years. At the end of the 5 years, she told me "I haven't done anything to help you Laila! You have done it all by yourself" I told her "You have done the most important thing for me and that is to make me feel I am worthy of your time and support. Without that, I wouldn't have had the strength to do anything for myself" Imo, she deserved every penny she was paid. To feel supported so you can have the strength to move forward. To feel worthy of someone else's time and efforts. To feel that even if you fail you still can stand up and do your best again because there is someone who believes in you. Those are the feelings I want my clients to have from me. Money comes and go, but we can live our lives only once. Dear Thomas, I hope you find the support I found. Be it in books or in people. Take care, Laila