That Time He Found His Meaning

It was 41 years ago this summer when a young teenage boy began what would become his life's work, but he had no idea at the time that it would be.

You see up until that moment, he did not know his direction, only that he did not want to follow the crowd. Albeit, the crowd around him were not all that bad, but what he was exposed to was not what he wanted, he did not know yet how his desire to be somewhere else would come sooner that later.

This desire to be somewhere else came from the disruptive life at home which was always in flux and disarray. Self confidence was a challenge everyday, yet somehow he persisted, existed but he felt invisible most of the time. When the bell rang at school he was always the first to his locker to get the books he needed for the next class and was first to take his seat, while others stood around talking until the last minute when the next bell rang. He had just a couple of friends, but none he could share his deepest thoughts with, so he kept them to himself, he wrote down his thoughts, he prayed that things would improve at home, but it wasn't to be. Yet he endured through those days when many times it seemed like life was never going to get better as conditions at home were bleak at times, and that is no exaggeration.

This was his life, a life he wanted to be as far away from as he could...as soon as he could. He found solace in his athletic ability and skills in math. It was his way of being seen, being somebody, being valuable. It is no surprise that he excelled in what is mostly an individual sport, track and field. Aside from the relays, every competition he was in was him against the field. This is where he took out his frustration on the world. He wanted so badly to be the best he could be because everywhere else he was in his eyes, not even seen and certainly not understood.

While he didn't win every race, he earned a box full of medals and a few trophies along the way. It was his best accomplish in his very young life. It gave him promise, that maybe he would have the confidence to do something on his own.

And he did

This boy never studied at home for school, because at home the disruption was not a good place to study and learn. He tried as much as he could on the bus rides to and from school each day or while on break. But that too seemed impossible. Yet, he never failed a class in 12 years of school, he wasn't an honor student, but he was a good student. However, it came very close to him throwing in the towel just before graduation as things continued to come unwound at home...it was unbearable. And it would make since to quit, because his dad had done the same thing his senior year of high school, he quit because he decided he couldn't pass. But he did not know at the time he would pass and his diploma was already prepared...he was that close.

These are the kinds of examples and much worse he had growing up, in a home where most everyone did not see things through, they gave up, or didn't have the gut to push through to achieve a goal or received negative reinforcement. The one thing he could cling to was that through his faith life, all things were possible. In his mind and in his heart he had much to give, and much he wanted to achieve. He knew he had something to shoot for in life and he was going to find out what it was.

Had he never got on that bus to take him away from what was burdening him, had he never made the call to the girl who would become his wife, had he not accepted a challenge to move into a leadership role, then another, then another and yet another. He likely would have found himself just like those he left behind all those years ago. Too afraid to get outside of what made them comfortable.

How Had Found His Meaning

He had the wonderful good fortune of being a mentor to many, coaching (which was his second career choice) and guiding people he worked with. He took great pleasure in seeing others rise and to do things they were not sure they could do. It is what he longed for in his young life, but did not get.

They say that we are a product of our surroundings and what happens in our home as children becomes a generational trap mores times than not. But I believe those ideas to be wrong. We make our own way, decisions and path in life. All decisions have consequences and all consequences require a review of our decisions. But none of it makes sense without a prayer life, for without it we are on our own, when God is right there waiting on us to ask for his guidance...what should I do, what would he have me do. And the answers will always be clear, every time if we trust him.

As I look back on the past 41 years of my adult life, the good decisions have outweighed the bad ones...but I have learned from both and many times I have learned more from the bad ones than the good ones. But never, have I considered giving up, and never will.

If I have learned anything about me over the past 16 months since receiving a cancer diagnosis is that there is definitely no giving up. Giving up is not of God and light, it is of darkness. Yes I found my meaning many years ago, but I am still working on it to this day and everyday.