Time to get your personal Bag for Life

How to get rid of the ‘Sack of Crap’

 Do you sometimes feel like you’re living with a ‘sack of crap’?

A heavy weight of stuff which burdens you and holds you back?

Do you sometimes want to throw it away and start afresh?

It’s very tempting, seductive even. The thought that we can start anew and leave our baggage behind.

In coaching, people often come into the room carrying a metaphorical sack of crap. Sometimes it’s so full and heavy they are completely weighed down by it, as though its literally on their back and hampering their ability to move forward.

They have one simple request, ‘Can you help me to get rid of this stuff?’ They desperately want to get rid of their sack of crap.

I understand. I empathise. Sometimes it’s so full of noxious substances I don’t want to go near. Who wouldn’t want to do some illegal fly tipping and leave that sack of crap at the roadside?

If you were offered a choice. To keep carrying it or to drop it, which would you choose? To be able to scamper away with a lightness you haven’t felt in years… would it be too tempting to refuse? To finally be rid of all of it and start anew.

The concept of starting anew is, ironically, very old. In many cultures we have rituals and rites of passage which symbolise a shift or transition. This usually includes leaving things behind which are no longer of value or help. Moving forward to something new. Gaining enlightenment or growth.

However, these rituals don’t just tell us to forget the past, they encourage us to explore it and reach understanding and acceptance. YAY!! That sounds easy. So why do so many people try and fail?

It all sounds very uplifting but we’re working with a sack of crap. It’s really hard to see what’s in front of us when our brow is covered in sweat, our sodden hair is sticking in our eye and a limp rancid lettuce leaf is stuck on our left nostril!

And dealing with this stuff is fundamental to moving on.

But still the idea of starting afresh with no baggage to hold us back can be very appealing. You imagine all the mistakes you’ve made, all your regrets, feelings of guilt, the losses you mourn, the opportunities you missed and you believe that if you can just throw all that away you can start over.

I hear these comments with increasing regularity.

Some people might tell you it’s possible to do this. To simply remove your limiting beliefs and start anew: a rebirth. This sounds attractive in its simplicity. In the short term it may even feel better but the sack of crap isn’t always this easy to get rid of.

If your sack of crap is weighed down with deep long-standing gunkiness then what you may be learning to do is carry the weight more effectively. You may be using distraction or denial to pretend it’s no longer there. You’re using entire cans of fabric freshener to mask the smells and have neatly disguised it by putting it into a lovely Cath Kidson shopper or a nifty messenger bag.

I’ve even known people to throw the contents of their sacks at others. It can be effective but its not great for keeping friends and building relationships. No one likes to be blamed for someone else’s crap and to have it thrown at them from afar is right out!

So don’t be surprised if its thrown back at you with even greater vigour.

Because whether its distraction, denial or disguise, the sack of crap is still there and gaining weight by the day.

For real change you need to take ownership of your own sack of crap and that means a tough first step.

You have to delve inside and take a good look at the contents. To understand what’s in there. It might be messy, it might be full of things you didn’t even know you were carrying but only when you take a look can you start to move forward.

There will be items in the sack which are useful and you want to keep.

There will be harmful, even toxic contents, which you know you’d like to remove but can’t quite work out how to do so safely.

There will also be items which you’d like to get rid of but know you can’t. These are the sticky things which even though you keep throwing them away they just keep coming back.

Some of the contents will have seeped into the sack itself, making stains, marks, holes. How the hell do you get rid of all of that?

It’s no longer just the contents that matter, it’s the whole thing. Every bit of the sack represents an experience. All that has happened in your life is somewhere in, or on, that sack.

Now imagine you’re offered the opportunity of a fresh start, a clean sheet. You can throw the whole sack away: good and bad and sticky. To be replaced by a completely new and blank sack devoid of any experience whatsoever.

I wonder how many of you would do this.

Some of you might consider it. A life which has been harsh or cruel from the very beginning might be worth throwing away, but at what cost?

I wonder if you were able to look at your sack of crap with more objectivity would you think differently? Are there things you might keep? A particular patch? A bit of fluff in the corner? A small but previously unnoticeable detail which represents a moment you treasure?

There might even be the equivalent of a mouldy rotten tomato sitting in the bottom which you would never wish to see again but which set in motion an entire trail of events. Events which resulted in the most beautiful experience imaginable. A small but marvellous patch on your sack of crap which would not have been possible without all the rest. 

When I was 13, I was in a serious car accident. I should have died. When the ambulance crew arrived they looked at the car in dismay and saw me standing at the roadside. They couldn’t understand who I was. Was I a bystander who just happened to be in shock? Why then was a covered in glass and cuts?

I told them I had been in the car and they said I must have had an angel looking over me that day. Now I don’t believe in angels but I do believe in learning from my own sack of crap.

I made a decision that day which was based on anger and fear. A decision based on experiences that I previously would have wanted to remove from my sack of crap.

That decision saved my life.

That was when my sack of crap started to become my bag for life.

 Because its all about how we view things.

What happens if we can see an experience from a different angle. Our sack of crap can also be our bag for life.

Remember those sticky things in your sack of crap? Maybe it’s all sticky. Maybe it’s all there for a reason. Maybe we can actually find a use for everything if we just start to explore.

Every single item in your bag for life is an experience from which you can gain wisdom. To know the content is to ensure your past mistakes don’t also become your future mistakes.

To help assure yourself of a future which is of your creation and design.

A future of action not omission.

A future of intention.

We can all find value in the experiences which harm us.

Sometimes we just need someone to help us view our sack of crap from a different angle.

Someone to help us see it as a bag for life.

You have a choice. You can continue to carry your sack of crap or you can choose to start carrying your bag for life.

And when you do this a surprising thing can happen.

When you start carrying a bag for life you start to fill it with things which help you to thrive and grow.

You want to put great things in a bag for life, you want to care for it and ensure it lasts and, as it gets full of all these new experiences, there is less room for all those items which seemed to fill the sack of crap.

So, don’t bemoan your sack of crap. Don’t dump it at the roadside. Don’t focus on leaving it all behind.

Focus on changing it into your very own bag for life and start filling it with amazing new contents. 

It’s your choice. Choose your bag of life today.

 By Tracey Hartshorn – the random musings of a thoughtful coach