Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I made a move to get up and leave, and he sat up and pulled me back towards him, he was half asleep and didn't want me to go just yet.

I'm grateful for this time with my son. Each night around 7:00 pm my wife and I help our two sons get ready for bed. We read stories, play a card game, or if they're up for it I create a story or two of my own for them.

I then lie next to my 7-year-old and chat to him about his day as he drifts off to sleep, my wife does the same with our 3-year-old. Sometimes, when I think he's asleep, I make a move to go and he pulls me back for that last hug before his deep sleep arrives.

The other night I lay there and thought about a family friend who helped me as a young teenager. He died a few days ago, and due to Covid19 restrictions, I didn't get to say goodbye.

Abandoned by his parents, then bounced from one foster home to another, eventually ending up in an orphanage, he didn't get to cuddle his dad as he drifted off to sleep in his early years.

Earlier that day I'd seen missed calls on my phone and then a text message from my brother giving me the news. The grief that came was something I hadn't felt in a long while. Then gradually over the next few days, I asked myself questions I hadn't asked before. Like when will I die? Can I control it somehow? And what if I'm taken sooner than expected?

For those in the know, how we spend our time is the currency of choice. Not dollars, euros or Bitcoin.

My own father died 15 years ago, and now the person who gave me my first home computer, the computer that started my journey leading to a lifelong career has gone too. It's times like these, when we lose the people dear to us, that we realise our time is limited. The end is something we all know is coming, yet something we often avoid thinking about.

I'm constantly playing with lifestyle changes for increased happiness, it's what I like to do. The news of his death triggered a realisation I'd not spent enough time thinking about my own end. Stephen Covey, famous author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People was an advocate for what he called 'Begin with the end in mind', and I think he's on to something.

David Brooks, writer of The Road to Character describes two types of virtues - 1. résumé virtues and 2. eulogy virtues.

“The résumé virtues are the ones you list on your résumé, the skills that you bring to the job market and that contribute to external success. The eulogy virtues are deeper. They’re the virtues that get talked about at your funeral, the ones that exist at the core of your being—whether you are kind, brave, honest or faithful; what kind of relationships you formed.”

If we think about our end, and our eulogy, it's unlikely to be about how much money we made, whether we were a great executor at work or the job status we had. With this in mind, it's clear that managing our energy and time is the most important part of controlling our lives.

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Knowing I'm in control of the choices I make (though not always the situation I'm in), I can choose how I approach life, whether that be an interaction with a family member, a colleague at work or a stranger commenting on my social content.

In his book Smarter Faster Better: The Secrets of Being Productive, the author Charles Duhigg describes how Carol Dweck's studies showed that control drives motivation, and motivation drives growth and happiness.

You can't always control the wind, but you can control your sails

If there is an upside to Covid19 for me, it's making the best use of my energy and time being at home. In order to achieve this, I went through several experiments, eventually landing on the creation of modules throughout my day. That is, blocks of time where I can work, be a loving husband, a loving father, a friend, and a learner.

My days could so easily be like whirlwinds. I have many different roles, from leading teams with my employer, to being a husband & father, a son, a brother, a friend, and I've also a ton of personal projects in progress too.

For many of us, it's easy to let our day jobs fill our lives. We let them consume us, eventually becoming the excuse we use for not achieving many of our wants and needs. "I'm so busy at work" "What a day, I'm so tired!" For those of us who love our work, that can feel ok for a while. It did for me, right up until I became a father, and then more recently as I realised statistically, I've less time ahead of me than behind me.

You can have it all, just not all at once

What I've now experienced, is working from an office with colleagues 5 days a week, with that commute into town, the open-plan desks, the running from one meeting room to another...all of it actually slowed me down and reduced my potential impact, not just in my work, it had a negative ripple effect into my personal life too.

And here's the thing, I never really knew. It's been the norm for my whole life. That is until I was locked away at home with the rest of the world.

Time is what we want most, yet... what we use worst

So how has modular working helped? I've taken Paul Graham's Maker's schedule, Manager's schedule and split my day in half for at least 3 days a week (Mon to Frid). In the morning I'm on my maker schedule, that is no meetings. In the afternoon & evening, I'm on my manager schedule, which mostly comprises of meeting others.

Each morning I get up at 5:30 am, this usually allows me enough time to meditate, journal and time block before my youngest son gets up for playing and breakfast.

When I time block my day, I'm using the ideas of Flow and Deep Work. By modulising, I've found I can context switch more effectively than these principles would expect.

I modulise hourly, so each hour of my maker schedule is a context switch. That might sound like madness to those of you who like and do deep work, yet context switching has a negative reputation it doesn't fully deserve. The key is to FOCUS during that module of time. As in no phone, no internet, no doing anything other than the activity you have blocked it for. That's deep work. You would then only context switch when switching modules of time.

My time with my sons as they get ready for bed is a module of time. Time with my wife or a friend is another one. You might think this sounds a little strict or uncreative? Yet what I've found is it's increased my creativity, as well as flexibility. I can move things around if needed because I actually know and am in control of what I've chosen or need to achieve (it's no longer a whirlwind where I let life make that choice).

Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives

Ultimately, before I blocked my time, it was easier to let it slip away as life got busy with meetings, and I'd check messages or even 'multi task' at any point of the day. This ended up in average quality time being spent on activities or with people. Now more than before, the time I spend with people or on an activity is of greater quality since modulising it.

I'm happier, I'm achieving more, I feel in control of my day (leading to increased motivation) and most of all, those around me are beginning to get more of the Marcus I want them to get, and less of the whirlwind Marcus, where at times the result was conflict further down the line.

Life is short, life is long. I've now found the trick is in balancing how I choose to spend my energy and time. Your life could end today or continue for another 5 or 6 decades. Most of us don't know when it will end. What we do know is that it will. Do you want to spend your most precious resource in the most effective way, resulting in a life of eulogy virtues? Or look back with regrets due to a lack of focus on what's really important, resulting in a life of résumé virtues?

Once time is spent, there is no refund

I hope you're able to make thoughtful choices in how you spend your time, ones that result in more than just a whirlwind of life, where you look back with regret. Try out time blocking and modular days, the chances are you'll never go back to a life without more control.

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See you next time for Episode 25.

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