Time to Fire Your Inner Critic?

In his bestselling book "The Inner Game of Tennis", instead of the many ways of improving technique, W. Timothy Gallwey starts from the understanding that every game is composed of two parts – the outer game and the inner game. The former is played against opponents on the court, but the latter is battled within ourselves as we try & overcome self-doubt & anxiety. He says that a game is often won or lost before a ball has been hit.  

I have come to realise (not understand) that the same applies not just on the field but in business as well as in personal life to a great extent. To win the external game (interchangeable with business or life), you first need to play the inner game. And a big part of the inner game requires us to look within and observe the little critique that’s hidden inside each one of us.  

Check the timing 

We all have a voice within us – guiding us, showing us the way. But often, that voice turns critical in nature. Do you find that the way you speak to yourself is a little unkind, perhaps even harsh at times?  

You’re not the only one. 

Your inner critique isn’t always present, sitting on your shoulders ready to reprimand you. The inner critique appears only at certain times & situations, most often brought on by some kind of trigger. It could appear whenever you make a mistake and let you know that you’re rather stupid for making that mistake. Or it could appear right before a big event and provide unsolicited advice on how to keep your posture, tonality or something or the other. 

One of the first steps to take when attempting to deal with the inner critique is to be in awareness and recognise times and situations in your life when the inner critique rises from its dormant state and makes its presence felt. 

The story of the two wolves 

Have you heard about the story of the two wolves? It goes something like this: An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life through a story about two wolves who are involved in a terrible fight; one of the wolves is evil – full of anger, envy, guilt, self-pity & resentment, and the other is good – with peace, joy, compassion & generosity.  

“The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too,” says the Cherokee. 

The grandson thinks about this for a minute and then asks his grandfather: “Which wolf will win?” 

The old Cherokee simply replies, “The one you feed.” 

And if I am to be allowed to take the liberty of borrowing from this story for a minute, I would say that there are two wolves inside each of us – one being the inner critic and the other being the inner mentor. I do wholeheartedly believe there is a mentor within each of us – it just may or may not be in our awareness yet. 

So, each time the critic inside of you awakens, check and see if there is an inner mentor hidden inside you to provide a counter to what the critic has to say. And who is it that you are feeding – because as the Cherokee mentioned to his son, the one that you feed is who shall eventually win. 

Feeding the right wolf 

How do you feed your inner mentor? There are a few ways I’d recommend you can start with: 

• Affirmations: Affirmations are positive statements that can help you challenge & overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts, i.e., your inner critic. When you repeat them often and believe in them, you can slowly start to make positive changes in several areas of your life.   
• GDD: Marshall Goldsmith’s Good > Difficult > Different model is a simple framework to help structure feedback after each session/meeting. Post the session, ask what went Good, what was Difficult, and what could be done Differently? By evaluating these three factors, you are feeding both the wolves. Reflecting on these aspects helps you grow your inner mentor and also see what you can do differently the next time. 
• Ignoring the Critic: In his book Are You Ready to Succeed, Dr Sri Kumar Rao speaks about some unconventional methods for achieving personal mastery in business & in life. In the book he mentions that when you begin to start trying some of his methods, initially the inner critic will be huge in presence and mentor much smaller. But it will definitely be there. At the early stages, you will have to completely ignore the critic – and focus on working on the things that are working very well – and that’s how the inner mentor will grow. 

Try out some of these methods and see if you can apply one or two of them in your business and life. Check with yourself and see what role does the critique play for you in your life that is so useful that you’re not able to fire the critique? And instead of putting your efforts into silencing the critique, ask yourself if it would be a better deal to find a voice that’s more balanced and nurturing in nature? 

Inner Critic = Outer Critic? 

What happens when your Inner Critic makes you a difficult Manager? Some of my most successful clients have set the bar too high for themselves. And to add to that, they’ve made that bar super high for even those around them as well. Holding such a high bar for others may not be the best practice as that may end up in one being stingy in their praise & appreciation as nothing ever meets their levels of satisfaction – even though those around them might be doing a decent enough job.  

Does this mean I’m trying to convince you to lower the bar? Not at all. There are two aspects to this: 

One, instead of demotivating & critiquing, check if there’s a more positive route that you can take instead. 

Two, if you find that your inner critic ends up motivating you to do better work, then check and assess if perhaps there is a healthier manner to find motivation? 

And whatever you do, don’t apply your yardstick to others – it may work well to motivate you, but may end up doing the exact opposite for someone else who is not you.