Is it Time to Ditch the Guilt?

There are lots of reasons why we hold back from pursuing that next step in our careers. We might be doubting we have the right skills to move forward, we might be unclear of what our next step should be, we might just feel very uncomfortable about moving into unfamiliar territory.

But one of the most common reasons I see, that comes up time and time again is GUILT!

For many people, even allowing ourselves to think about leaving our jobs and doing something else triggers overwhelming feelings of guilt, that it is selfish to consider pursuing another role, that’s it’s wrong and others would disapprove. And whatsmore this feeling is completely fabricated in our own heads, designed to hold us back and it does, often and very effectively!

Where these feelings come from? Why we shouldn’t listen to them? How can we switch them off so you can progress on your career journey guilt-free?

As we progress in our careers we often forget where we started and how we ended up there in the first place. Yet those beginnings often linger within us, subconsciously in the background. Looking back at the beginning of the journey, what shaped your view on what a ‘good career’ looks like? It very likely that view was formed on the advice of key influencers in your life; parents, teachers and possibly managers in those early days. All those around you with well-intentioned advice on what your strengths are, where you would fit in well, what is considered a respectable or admirable job, the importance of a good salary, the list goes on and on. As working life progressed there may have been other factors that became important to you such as flexible working, having colleagues that you respected and enjoyed spending time with or perhaps a nice working environment (my last workplace had a fantastic restaurant!)

So what happens when we suddenly find ourselves feeling disengaged, bored and feeling like we need something else but all those things we strived for and were told were important are already there?

Well, often we consider making a move and looking for something else. Then suddenly we can feel completely swamped with feelings of guilt. We focus on all the things we think we would be ‘throwing away,’ we imagine the voices of others in our lives and what they would say ‘Are you mad? You have a great job, look at everything you’ve got!’ And suddenly you feel guilty and selfish for taking everything you have for granted. So you park the whole idea, they are right, you are selfish for even considering wanting more, you’ve got it good already, you don’t need anything else and you remind yourself of that to tide you over a few more weeks or if you’re lucky some more months.

But, that feeling of doing something else, something more, something fulfilling and exciting doesn’t go away entirely. It instead just hides away in the back of your head ready to pop up again, and it does. Before long you are feeling disengaged, bored and feeling like there is something better out there again but this time you remember how guilty you felt so you may manage to convince yourself that you are fine, it’s work after all, not supposed to be exciting everyday. You focus on all the positives again and resign yourself to getting on with it, sucking it up and forgetting all about dreams you had to do something else.

This can go on for months and sometimes years and over that time you might be able to distract yourself for a while with a shiny new project that comes along every now and then but otherwise you can feel resentful, stuck and whenever you acknowledge those feelings, BOOM, you feel guilty!

So let’s stop that cycle of perpetual guilt today.

Here’s the truth, there is no need to feel guilty. Wanting to find fulfilment in your career is not selfish! In fact it’s the opposite of selfish. When we are feeling disengaged at work, we are up to 20% less productive and we often take those feelings of being unfulfilled back home with us too. Happier employees however have the opposite trend, they are more productive, more enthusiastic and that often spreads to the wider team and we are much nicer people to be around outside of work too. So if you won’t do it for yourself then take action for others so your family and friends and organisation can benefit from you being in a better place.

If you are still plagued by feelings of guilt then it’s time to convince yourself otherwise. Write down honestly, how you are feel about your career currently. Add the details of the negative impacts of this, how is it making you feel? How do you think it is impacting your workplace? Is it affecting your performance or the mood of those in your team? How is it impacting you outside of work? How do you answer the question when people ask you how work is going and how do you feel when you answer? Then take some time to allow yourself to imagine how you might feel differently. Perhaps your current job was once something to be excited about and that’s great, perhaps it’s time to let that go for someone else, a previous version of you perhaps, to enjoy and appreciate it now that you are ready to move on. ?What needs to happen next to get you feeling excited again?

We all deserve to feel engaged, enthused and fulfilled in our careers so ditch that guilt and get planning that next move.