Is it Time to Detox Your Thoughts?

What you think matters - more than you may be aware of.

Today's content is inspired by the conversation we had last night in the Conquer Conflict Academy. This is a group program helps healthcare professionals learn new ways to resolve conflict because the "old ways" are not working for them and they are often experiencing personal and professional struggles.

I was teaching on the power of our thoughts and I invited my students to share their current thoughts around conflict, beginning with their thoughts around it.

What is your current thought about conflict?

As they shared their thoughts, I noticed their voices rising and their speech quicken, their body postures closed in with shoulders hiked and the edge of defensiveness came through in their tone of voice.

It is the starting point for all of us because conflict knocks us off balance and moves us into a fight or flight response.

I then prompted them to unravel the journey of that thought with 5 additional questions

1. When you have that thought, what feelings come up for you?
2. What do you believe about yourself as a result of that thought and those feelings?
3. What is the story you tell yourself about conflict (mindset)?
4. When you believe these thoughts, how do you act? What do you do?
5. What is the outcome of your actions?

This activity is one of many that helps them see their situation, and power, from another lens. The result are not unlike many of my clients when we first start working together.

The original wheel around conflict was, as you might expect, filled with angst and defensiveness.

It was easy for them to see why the conflict was unresolved after we mapped out the impact of that one thought. But seeing the journey unfold is only a portion of the transformation.

The next step was to shift the conversation so they could access another part of the brain. It was time to DETOX those thoughts, and here is a question you can start with:

What is another thought that you could hold about conflict that would serve you better right now?

With a few seconds to think, they were able to articulate a new thought that started to shift the energy they had around conflict. As we continued to work through those same five questions, their words softened, the tone of voice lowered and their shoulders dropped down.

This time the wheel looked dramatically different, not just in words, but in feelings and body posture. The energy in our virtual room had changed.

A new possibility emerged for them. They could not only see their power, but they were feeling their power.

Seeing is only half of the transformation. Doing is where the real change happens. It was time to make this detox real and give them energy to take it forward into the next opportunity.

From their work, we designed a 3 step process to begin healthier conversations

1. When conflict shows up, take 3 seconds and breath. Acknowledge the first thought that shows up and then consciously choose a better thought
2. Use an "opening statement" (designed from their work). an example is: I can see we have a conflict and I am hopeful we will find a resolution and achieve a positive outcome for both of us with a constructive conversations. I want to learn more about what you are experiencing"
3. Reflect on their actions after to identify what went well, what they are still learning, and where they want to go

Now that we had the words and a process, it was time to commit to action. We all created a SMART goal for the week and will report back to the group next week on our actions and outcomes.

At the end of the session, they shared how it was comforting to “have a plan and a pathway through it” and how they are “actually excited about it and to have a thought out conversation”

THAT is the power of your thoughts.?

What is your experience around Detoxing Your Thoughts? I would love to hear from you.

You're only one conversation away,

Tammy

Tammy Dunnett,?MN, BN?is The Better Leader Coach & Communication Skills Trainer

As the founder of Relationship Revolution, she is changing the way "relationship" is done, one conversation at a time. She is a Certified Human Behaviour Consultant (DISC), a Psychological Health and Safety Professional, a student of Boss Whispering, soon to be an ICF certified coach and passionate about making great people better

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This week on Youtube: Three Things to Eliminate from Your Communication