A Time for Courage, Grace, and Kindness

What does your current reality look like? Have you taken time recently to be with yourself and ensure you are letting life in? You might be wondering what I mean by letting life in. As the end of the calendar year approaches, many people tend to start to lean toward a future or past focus. A future focus on goals for the new year, or a past focus on taking stock of what didn’t go as planned. This time of year people are moving at a fast pace, with holiday parties all around, end of year requirements being attended to, and so much more. It all happens quickly, and many people forget to be in the present and let life in around them.?

It has a been a tough year for many people. I’ve had so many leaders, friends, and colleagues share they are experiencing different forms of burnout. With this, many have also shared that it is hard for them to be a light to others because their light isn’t shining too brightly. Two common questions I’ve asked them are, “How kind have you been to yourself and is there anything you’d like to change with that?” One of the common themes that has come from those I’ve spoken with is they’ve been unkind to themselves, and more specifically, how they’ve spoken to themselves.?

One of my favorite quotes comes from poet Heather K. O’Hara, “Speak to all people as though they are the wisest, gentlest, most beautiful beings on earth. For what they believe, they become.” Many wonderful people live by this with everyone around them, except themselves. How about you, reader, as you take a moment to read through this, have you said unkind things to yourself you wouldn’t imagine saying to another person? If so, I want to encourage you to change this. I want to ask you to let life in with three different daily, in the moment, present practices.??

Practice 1 – See the courage in your story.?Have you ever watched a news story, documentary, or movie based on true events around someone’s life and thought, “Wow, how inspiring! This person did something amazing!” Well guess what, you’ve done amazing and inspiring things with your life too, it just hasn’t been packaged in a multi-dollar format and presented on a screen yet. I have met human after human that has astonishing things they’ve done in their life, filled with courage and inspiration. However, they don’t often see it. To them, it was a point in time, as they quickly moved onto the next thing. I want to ask you right now to stop reading this for a moment and think about how far you’ve come. What would the nine-year-old you think of where you are at today? I bet they’d be so proud! You’ve stepped into some truly courageous moments. Take time to be mindful and celebrate them. Celebrate the small steps on the way to larger ones. It can be as simple as going to your favorite spot with your favorite beverage for a few minutes and simply acknowledging in that moment, that piece of your story.?

Practice 2 – Extend grace to yourself.?Have you ever said something to yourself that was unkind that you wouldn’t dare say to another human being? I asked this question earlier and I’ve also asked the question to many of the leaders I’ve partnered with this last year, and they shared they’ve done this. Guess what, I have too! Why do we do this? I believe a big piece is our struggle to extend grace to ourselves like we do with others. Just like we wouldn’t say those unkind things to another person, we would extend grace to them in tough moments. We are human and with that humanity comes imperfections. It’s okay! Think through a process to help extend grace to yourself. Work to identify areas where you struggle to be kind to yourself. Why are you harder on yourself in these areas? Is it because you are comparing your reality to someone else’s? Do you know all the facts of their reality? Probably not, so work to stop setting expectations for yourself based on what you think someone else’s reality consists of.?

Practice 3 – Be kind and remember we are imperfect and that’s okay.?Imagine if each person was deliberate in being five percent kinder to others each day. Really take a moment and think about what that may look like. Now, think about what it would look like if you were five percent kinder to yourself each day. I honestly believe the two go hand in hand. If we are kind to ourselves and remember that we are imperfect beings, we can be more aware and mindful to spread that kindness to those around us who are also imperfect. What ways are you good about being kind to yourself? What is different in those moments and processes compared to the times you are unkind to yourself? Many times, it involves how we are or aren’t acknowledging our feelings. When you are struggling to be kind with yourself, don’t bypass the emotion. Instead, try the practice of acknowledging and honoring the emotion and asking after, “What is something I can do to take a step towards being kinder to myself right now?”?

One final thought I would like to share with you is that I haven’t written any blog posts or articles this year. In years past, I was paid to write. I was paid for ghostwriting and for my own work. This year though, I didn’t write and for some time, I was unkind to myself about it. Today though, I sat down, and took time to see the courage in my story over the last year and how proud I was in the present. I took time to have grace with myself about not writing. Lastly, I chose to be kind to myself and make a commitment to speak the same words of kindness I do to others, to myself, because just like the poet I referenced, Heather K. O’Hara shared, you and I are some of the most beautiful beings on earth. Encourage courage, lead with grace, and spread kindness in yourself and with others.?

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Randalyn Hill