Time to call out the Tonyas
The world is changing and not always for the best. For every step forward towards humane liberty we see other issues pop up around loneliness, trolling and a collective sense of loss for a trusting community feel. Many people are talking about 'keeping their heads down' because of the victory to the bullies.
That is scary ...
As much as we all love a bit of toxic positivity and cheerful self absorption it is very important to open up the discussion about specific business behaviours that are hurting people right now. There are so many : Ghosting, discarding, lying and irrepsonsible actions leading to pain.
In our RU Okay support week we have talked about five characteristics we're concerned about and our fab phones heard us and pushed a few articles forward and we hope you like them. Like an eager servant, the wonderous world of curated content and a simulated individual existance showed us this.....
The following extract is from an article published in March 2013 and it neatly ties up the idea of the huge mental and economic impact we all endure when we exclude people. And in our small opinion, its one of the crappiest forms of bullying because it happens in the shadows and is pushed forward with gossip.
So read this part and, if so inclined, the link is below for quick read on the use of cliques as a form of power. We're doing the cliff notes version here ...
Meet Samee
Samee is a superstar, quick-witted with an innovative mindset. For decades, she was the top producer in a marketing company, securing accounts that eluded larger rival firms.
Then Tonya joined the team, desperate to launch her own star even if it meant checking her integrity and the rules of fair play at the door. Within the first month of Tonya’s arrival, she pinpointed Samee as competition . In response, Tonya launched a gossip campaign, took credit for Samee’s ideas, and left Samee off of important emails and meeting invites.
Spoiler alert ..... Samee is brought down by the clowns at work (old and new) and leaves despite being a motivated and dedicated employee.
Workplace bullying requires silence and silos to maximise its effectiveness.
Therefore, bullies will often require their underlings to join them in the ghosting, cutting the targets off from their work community, networks and relegating them to dark corners. Such tactics serve to strip targets of their dignity, reputations and establish them as "untouchables."
Deeply destructive behaviour ... but we have all probably seen it or experienced it.
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And question is now to you dear reader...
Do you gently challenge the 'Tonyas' or do you remain silent and watch the destruction unfold on Samee. Truth is, lots of people are complicit to workplace bullying with their silence or luke warm agreement. And rarely do you see people, filled with a noble purpose, call out the 'Tonya's' for being bullies. It is a shame, because like training a puppy, it is most effective if you do this at the time of it happening.
So next time you see anyone being deliberately excluded think about what are you are being a part of?
This can be a double fist punch in which the ambiguous loss that comes with exclusion is both physical and psychological in nature. For example, colleagues may physically shun the target, leaving her to eat alone and work in solitaire on large-scale projects. Maybe they spread rumours and play victim as a way to garner support and unite people against the unsuspecting person.
In conjunction with the complete ostracisation, co-workers the target once considered close confidants may also sever ties with no apologies nor explanation, often amplifying the hurt by joining in on the attacks. Imagine if that happened to you ... nasty high school bullies all over again.
The result is a loss of physical interactions and emotional support, leaving the target in a suspended state, sentenced to solitary confinement having never stood trial (Freedman, Powell, Le, & Williams, 2019). WTAF are we doing to people when we know better? So much for being good and kind ...
Such behavior, especially from people the target once trusted and cared about, creates a type of morale wounding, an mental injury incurred when another person’s behavior is in radical opposition to one’s own code of compassionate conduct and ethics and can leave long term issues.
Many years ago an ex-colleague of mine at Telstra invited everyone to her house for a BBQ except for one person in the team. It was without explanation as to why she chose to ostracise the person and remains a mystery to this day - but it was one of the worst example of bullying I have ever witnessed. Everyone else who went to the BBQ was confused when it became clear the 'host' had decided to bully like this and so openly - I think it was just confusing. Some stood up to the gross action but many just wandered onwards and left it alone - and the excluded person never trusted quite the same.
So now if you scroll to the top of this article you will see a phrase ... 'Many people are talking about 'keeping their heads down' because of the victory to the bullies.'
On this day where we share a desire to have better mental health in the workplace with our shared knowledge, please help stop this activity and ensure people are not excluded or hurt because of some nasty Tonyas. Take a stand, add people to emails, shut down the gossip when it actually happens and maybe, if enough people get back on track with this, maybe the good guys will start winning again.