Till death us do part

In countless ceremonies across the globe, couples unite to profess their love and pledge “to have and to hold each other from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.” Contemplating the commitment we make to one another in those vows, I reflected on the final five words. A thought floated into my mind: What would it mean if we each applied that solemn vow to ourselves?

We all are bound to body, mind and spirit until our journey ends. What if, as individuals, we vowed “to have and to hold” body, mind and spirit “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part”?

Imagine acknowledging that, as with marriage, life is not a seamless journey. Our minds, bodies and spirits will be tested, facing frequent challenges and adversities. But, if we steadfastly support and nurture all aspects of self and refuse to succumb to the trials that befall us, we can navigate the ebbs and flows of sickness and health. Much as no marriage or partner is perfect, sometimes the circumstances of our lives are favorable, and ?sometimes they are not. We may grapple with added weight, loss of function, physical injury, emotional hurdles, lack of purpose, or feeling disconnected from self or others.

Ultimately, the key is to cherish ourselves. As much as our relationships with friends, family and life partners profoundly enrich our lives, we alone can love ourselves body, mind and spirit in a way that fosters a positive outlook on life and a stronger sense of identity. All too often, though, we may choose unhealthy behaviors or actions that are hard to understand. By committing to regular self-check-ins on life’s journey and striving to make necessary adjustments along the way, we can do everything possible to ensure a healthy body, mind and spirit will stand by us “till death us do part.”?

Nothing is simple, of course. Life, like marriage, is an intricate endeavor. Merle O’Hara, my grandmother, embodied this complexity.

Recently, Merle passed away just a few months shy of her 112th birthday. In addition to enjoying a resilient, successful marriage, she lived with an unwavering commitment to extracting every ounce of vitality from life. She was physically vigorous, socially involved, inquisitive and full of joy. When asked how she felt about becoming a centenarian, she exclaimed, “I still feel 18!”

Merle stayed optimistic about life and the aging process, yet she didn’t tolerate fools—something she made known whenever the occasion called for it. The foundation she laid for living life on her terms proved to be formidable. In her last decade, as she grappled with vascular dementia, she retained her positivity, curiosity and playfulness. Her outlook on life was steadfast.

A stroke after age 90 resulted in Merle using a wheelchair for her remaining years. She moved around her community greeting people, giving hugs and having fun right up until the week before she died. I wish I had put a tracking device on her wheelchair to capture the distance she wheeled herself every day.

Merle’s foundation guided her experience of life and served her well until her last breath. Through sickness and health, she embraced life.

As a new year approaches with all its possibilities it’s the perfect moment for introspection. Here’s to each of us asking where we are in life today and how we envision shaping the life we lead in the years ahead. Now is also the right time to commit to cherishing the self—mind, body and spirit—so “living better longer” lasts as long as the journey.

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