Thursday's Thoughts: What's in a Name? (Quite a Lot, Actually!)
?? Susan Rooks ?? The Grammar Goddess
Editor / Proofreader of business, nonfiction, and podcast content. ??BIZCATALYST 360° Columnist ????The Oxford Comma????Solopreneur??NOT A PODCASTER ??Dog Lover??Spunky Old Broad ??
When I was just three days old, my adoptive parents gave me my name: Susan Betsy Rooks. Easy to say, easy to spell, and easy to remember. Susan was for my mom's mom, Sara. Betsy was for my dad's mom, Bessie. And yes, I am very glad they made those slight changes (I never could have seen myself as Sara Bessie), while keeping the initial letters as we Jews often do to remember those who have gone before.
In my younger years, everyone called me Sue, Susie, and in some horrible cases, Susie-Q. You know how it is with family, right? All names get cut down into one-syllable words or cutesy versions, and most of us don't get too worked up about it.
In my teens, though, I begged my family to stop with the Susie and Susie-Q already! Enough! Those were childish versions of my name, which for a quite a long time was simply Sue.
Of course, even that name wasn't totally safe to have growing up in the '60s; I paid dearly for it sometimes. How many of you can remember these two songs?
"Runaround Sue" (Dion and the Belmonts, 1961)
"A Boy Named Sue" (Johnny Cash, 1969)
And there were a few choice phrases like "So sue me!" and the endearing way some folks call their pigs "soooooooooooeeey"!
Yeah, it was sometimes not fun to be called Sue.
In my 30s, I finally decided that my name -- my given name -- was a perfectly fine choice. Short enough. Easy to say. To me it sounded strong but not formal. It would do.
But here's the rub: I always introduce myself as "Susan." I wear a name badge to networking events, and I write "Susan" on it.
How do you think about half the folks address me? Yup. They call me Sue. They gloss right over what they hear and what they see, and they use the diminutive form that is not what I wanted. Now, I know they're not meaning anything by it; it's just their default position. But I do wish I didn't have to then say "Actually, I prefer Susan" or something like that.
So, to make an incredible first impression -- and to let the other person off the hook:
USE THE OTHER PERSON'S NAME
EXACTLY AS GIVEN TO YOU.
If you're being introduced in person, listen carefully, read the name badge, check out their business card. Do the other person the honor of respecting their choice for their name.
If you're responding to a written document, check to see how the other person signed his or her name. The formal one may be typed "Mr. David Wilcox," but if he signs it "Dave," you have permission to call him that. If he signs it "David," that's what he wants to be called.
So simple, yet so darned effective.
Oh, by the way: my 98-year-old mom, my beloved Aunt Kit, and my brother still call me Sue, and so do a few "old" friends.
And one of my daughters just added a new first name that has tremendous significance for her, and yes, I'm having to really work on calling her that. But it's what she wants, so I'm using it. Almost.
Have any of you experienced this? I realize not everyone cares about their name being changed, but for those who do . . . ?
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As an international corporate trainer, I have worked worldwide for 20 years teaching American grammar (in the U.S.), business writing, and a variety of interpersonal communication skills workshops. I am also a copy editor and proofreader, mainly of business-related materials. My home base is in Massachusetts, but I will travel anywhere to help business professionals look and sound as smart as they are.
My blogs are all on my Web site, GrammarGoddess.com, where they're grouped by categories so you can easily choose which to read first. I hope you find many to enjoy and learn from.
Value-based Business Development Coach, Author, Innovator to: ? Establish Credibility ? Build Trust ? Generate Revenue. [email protected]
9 年The tips you gave about doing a little research into finding out how someone signs their name, and listening when introductions are being made, help in knowing how they prefer being addressed. Whenever I reach out to someone for the first time, I’ll also look at the recommendations in their LinkedIn profile to see how the majority of people refer to them. If it’s “David”, then I’ll address him as David. If it’s “Dave”, then I’ll address him as Dave. So far, no one’s complained. Good post Sue (just kidding Susan Rooks (The Grammar Goddess)).
"Free Thinking is Priceless. Life-Centric Thinking is Abundance Incarnate" ~the trojan GIRAFFE of whiteness~ Seeking Angel Investor> 1-Woman-Improv > HOW TO DEMOLISH RACISM BY 2030 #AutisticAF +Acquired Prodigious Savant
9 年Really excellent post, Susan! It is just basic respect to pay attention to someone's name - and there really isn't anything to be shy about if you've forgotten or aren't sure the pronunciation. I'm into the whole brevity thing; but there was this one guy who insisted on constantly using his version of my name, not my actual name, in the hundred's of lines of project plan tasks. Sure enough, despite my trying to pretend it didn't matter, 400 times turned out to be too many and I got snippy. Why on earth would you need to add ra to Deb... But, on the other hand, the first time I heard Deborah said by an attractive Frenchman - I giggled at all the lovely sounds that I'd never associated with my name.
International Speaker | Workshop Facilitator | Storyteller | Musician | Gallup StrengthsFinder Coach | 360+Episodes Podcast Host | Author | Job Interview Coach
9 年Great reminder, Susan. I remember being a little disappointed and surprised when my great aunt would send a card addressed to Sara - without my h. I wrote a post about the power of using people's names a while back, What's In A Name? Another thing to keep in mind is how they pronounce it. I've asked that question many times, just to make sure I have it right.
Business Development Executive at TCG Network Services | Boston's Managed IT Services Provider
9 年When speaking with administrative staff, I always try to address them by first name, and either remember or jot down their name. I think they really appreciate that extra detail.