A simple man's guide to dealing with duplicity.

Through the Smoke 2.0.

In sharing the insight gained through learning from naive mistakes, thoughtful conversations with clever people, targeted reading and focused observation over many years and across various geographical and cultural arenas, I hereby offer the guidance I wish I had when I was young. Of course, a little guidance will not deprive anyone of the privilege of learning from their own mistakes. But like a lighthouse, it may help to keep you off the rocks.

The objective of this article is to try to help people like me. Those of us who struggled to understand why obviously false, deceptive and intentionally misleading statements go unchallenged in otherwise serious discussions. If you also have trouble understanding why disingenuous characters succeed in good companies, please keep reading!

I use the adjective "authentic" to describe us, realizing of course that this could be the self-deception of a closet narcissist.

My assumption about us is that we have a strong sense of responsibility, we want to make a difference and we want to reap the benefits of our hard work.

My proposition is that it's possible to reduce stress, be more effective and increase job satisfaction, even in work environments that seem to be anything but authentic.

The process I suggest is to learn to pay close attention to the perceptions, motives and emotions of the individuals we’re dealing with, while constantly monitoring our own.

The goal, which I’ve actually been able reach on occasion, is to internalize the realization that stress is not caused by the behavior of others, but by how we react to it.

Magicians use smoke and mirrors to create illusions and distract the audience. In this project, the expression is used as a metaphor for the antics and rhetoric that people use to divert attention away from incompetence, intrigues, hidden agendas and the like. Thus the title: "Through the Smoke".

In bureaucratically orientated companies, where exaggerated attention is paid to hierarchy and metrics, clever people quickly learn how to game the system. God bless them! Where "we the authentic"(smile), carry on doing "the right thing", secure in the knowledge that it will all work out in the end.

We like to believe that office-politics can be ignored and honest hard work will be rewarded with acknowledgment and promotion. While this may be true in a genuine meritocracy. In the “real world”, if you don't have a good handle on the unspoken, unseen influences running in the background, your screwed!

There's a lot of good material out there that addresses this topic. But most of it, like "The No Asshole Rule" by, Robert I. Sutton, concentrates on how to eliminate bad behavior in organizations. I've never found anything that offers no-nonsense guidance to help people like us understand and deal with the smoke and mirrors found, to some extent, in every organization. So I decided to write it myself.

The first step is to take objective look at ourselves. If we're honest, we have to admit that we don't really understand why people do the things they do. Sometimes we don't even know why we do the things we do. Why is this?

From Benjamin Franklin, through Edgar Allen Poe to Jay Z, smart people have realized that you should “Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.”

Markus Aurelius put it a little better: "Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective not the truth."

All this may sound cliché, but the notion is supported by contemporary cognitive science. For a broader understanding of the supporting science, please see the suggested reading at the end of the article!

Below, there are 2 examples from Daniel Kahneman's Book Thinking Fast and Slow. They are simple and enlightening and lay a strong foundation to build on moving forward.

Here is a simple puzzle. Just listen to your intuition! The combined cost of a racket and ball is $1.10. The racket costs one dollar more than the ball. How much does the ball cost?

A number came to your mind. The number, of course, is 10: 10￠. The beauty of this easy puzzle is that it evokes an answer that is intuitive, appealing, and wrong. If the ball costs 10￠, then the combined cost will be $1.20. Do the arithmetic and you will see!

$0.10 + $1.10 = $1.20; Remember the racket costs $1.00 ”more” than the ball!

The answer is the ball costs 5￠. ($0.05 (the ball) + $1.05 (the racket) = $1.10)

Now have a look at the picture of the three men and answer the question! Is the figure on the right larger than the figure on the left?

Here again, the answer seems obvious: the figure on the right is larger. But if you take a ruler or use your fingers to measure them, you'll discover that the figures are all exactly the same size. Your perception of their relative size is influenced by an illusion. You believe you're looking at a 3-D image with depth and distance. But it's really only a 2-D image on a flat screen. This clearly demonstrates how our brains tend to substitute what comes fast and easy for what's really there.

How about this?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid! Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer are in the rghit pclae. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

The three examples above were selected because most of us tend to jump to the same wrong conclusions. And the point that our brains can mislead us in some cases and help us in others is pretty obvious.

On the job, we can see, hear and experience the same things as our colleagues, but come to completely different conclusions about what it means. That's because we tend to draw conclusions based on information that is currently in our unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is not that dark Freudian place you may have heard about. In healthy people, it is a very active and creative center of thought that can help us to react quickly when necessary or cause us to jump to wrong conclusions as seen in the examples above.

Wilbert Linnemans, founder of Human Sense Consultation, explains how differences in perception create a potential that can be compared to electrical voltage. Electricity, when properly channeled, can be used to produce useful things like light and heat. But if it gets out of control, it can burn the house down.

In healthy workplaces, different perspectives can be the catalyst for creating win-win situations like well-functioning teams and interdepartmental collaboration. But in toxic work environments, they can turn a pissing contest into a knife fight. So it's a good idea to be careful about what we say and to whom we say it. Most of the time it's better to just keep your mouth shut in contentious situations. If you think you have a moral obligation to set things straight, it's your ego talking, not your conscience!

Speaking of egos, let's admit that we spend a lot of time thinking about ourselves. And you are the only living person who sees yourself the way you do. In all likelihood, you wouldn't even recognize the person who occupies that space reserved for you in someone else’s consciousness.

Martha Graham said "What people in the world think of you is really none of your business". I say; Make it your business! Apply what you learn from the perceptions of others to become less self-conscious and more self-aware!

Self-consciousness is being uncomfortably aware of yourself as an object of observation. Where self-awareness is having a clear perception of your personality, including strengths, weaknesses, insights, values, emotions etc.

A practical example of how self-awareness is applied can be found in the column "Conflict and Ego" published in the New York Times on February 6, 2015. In the column, David Brooks made some lucid comments about how he handles painful criticism from readers..

 "It’s too psychologically damaging to read these comments as evaluations of my intelligence, morals or professional skill. But if I read them with the (possibly delusional) attitude that these are treasured friends bringing me lovely gifts of perspective, then my eye slides over the insults and I can usually learn something. The key is to get the question of my self-worth out of the way, which is actually possible unless the insulter is really creative."

It's obvious that Brooks understood that the perceptions of others, even if they are hostile, can be valuable. They provide an opportunity to learn. Of course in order to take advantage of these learning opportunities, a healthy self-awareness and a modicum of humility are necessary.

Self-awareness also includes the understanding that our current emotional condition influences our perception as much as our unconscious mind. This concept is highlighted in the book Emotional Intelligence 2.0. In the book, emotional intelligence or, "EQ", is composed of two basic elements: personal competence and social competence. Where personal competence is our ability to gauge our emotions and manage our behavior and social competence is our ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives.

Developing our EQ and self-awareness requires conscious and continuous effort. For example, when we're interacting with other people and see, or hear something that would normally trigger frustration, try to think of it as a wakeup call! Allow your self-awareness to control your emotions and try to learn something! If you feel obligated to address the issue, ask a tactful question, and don't demand an immediate answer! Understand that your point has been made. Then forget about it. You were probably the only one who took it seriously in the first place.

If you want others to take you seriously, they have to perceive you as a serious individual. And it is your responsibility to make sure that happens. Influencing the perception of others is actually pretty easy. A basic understanding of how the subconscious mind works is useful. Well-practiced interpersonal skills coupled with a healthy self-awareness are practical. But a pragmatic mindset is essential. What do I mean by that?

W.C. Fields said "You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living". It is easy to fool some of the people by updating their subconscious minds with information that will lead them to see things the way you want them to. This is why the use smoke & mirrors in the work place is so effective.

Occasions where smoke and mirrors are employed to mislead and deceive are omnipresent. For example, taking credit for someone else's success, or shifting the blame for something that went wrong. If you believe that this kind of behavior is so obvious that everyone will see through it and nobody will take it seriously, you may be right. But the desired result of the one blowing the smoke could still be achieved. The impression will be planted in the listener's unconscious mind! The skillful manipulator knows that relentless repetition of a self-serving message, even if in nobody believes it at first, will cultivate the perception to the point where it will “fool some of the people”. “And that's enough to make a decent living”. Like the poet said, "If you throw enough shit against the wall some of it will stick.

Influencing the perception of others can be as innocent as blowing your own horn. In fact, "If you don't blow your own horn, someone else will use it as a spittoon." as the One Minute Manager admonished. You may have been taught that “blowing your own horn” is bad. That showoffs and impostors have to behave that way because they have nothing of any real value to offer and that the contributions of honest hard working people speak for themselves. Bull shit! Blow your own horn! Take credit where you deserve it. Don't be shy about it! But do it smart!

In all the years that I’ve been working, no matter in which capacity, no matter on which continent, I’ve always struggled with the effects of smoke and mirrors. When I was a test engineer it was insignificant. As a field application engineer, it was more noticeable, but when I went into sales, it blew me away.

The superficial understanding that I’ve acquired about how our minds and emotions work has helped me to accept that “it is what it is” and it was up to me to learn how to deal with it.

Here's the takeaway: Whenever you feel that anguish raising from your bowels, think “This could be the beginning of a beautiful learning opportunity”!

 Suggested Reading:36

Thinking Fast and Slow, by Daniel Kahneman;

The United States of You, by Prof. Dr. Kathrin K?ster;

Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell;

Emotional Intelligence 2.0, by Travis Bradberry, Jean Greaves +1;