Through The Lens of a Therapist 02: Why Therapy is Not Like Talking to A Friend?

I’ve heard countless stories from clients stepping into therapy for the first time. In those early sessions, many are just trying to figure out what therapy even is. They sometimes say, "It feels like talking to a friend." But when they leave the session, something feels... different.

Over time, as we co-create the space together — reflecting, exploring, and unraveling their inner world — they begin to notice something powerful. Problems aren’t magically disappearing (well, sorry for breaking the bubble of myth for you that problems vanish as you seek therapy - it is never true). I’m not handing them solutions wrapped in a bow. Instead, something else is shifting: they are approaching their struggles differently.

And when I ask them how they feel about therapy, many say, "I don’t know what it is, but it feels like someone finally sees me. Someone truly understands what it takes to be me, to carry my story, to exist as I am."

That feeling? That’s the POWER OF VALIDATION.

Validation is not about agreeing with everything a client says or pretending life is perfect. It’s about being fully present — authentically seeing, hearing, and feeling their reality without judgment. When clients share pieces of their life, they’re not just telling a story. They’re discovering themselves, untangling what shaped them, what broke them, and what brought them to this moment.

As therapists, especially when balancing assessments and diagnoses, it’s easy to get caught up in the clinical lens and forget the human one. But therapy isn’t just science; it’s art. The art of holding space, of witnessing someone’s pain and resilience, of building a foundation so sturdy that even when the client stumbles, the therapeutic relationship remains unshaken.

Because here’s the truth: no matter how skilled we are as clinicians, without a strong foundation of trust and connection, the most beautifully designed interventions can crumble.

So, how do we build that foundation? How do we cultivate validation in a way that truly transforms the therapeutic process? Here are a few practices that shaped my approach:

1. Intentional Focus: Your attention is your most powerful tool. Where you place your focus can guide the entire process, so be mindful of what truly matters in the moment.

2. Curiosity Over Certainty: Approach clients like a puzzle, not a problem to be solved. Every session reveals new pieces of their story — let the picture emerge organically.

3. Pause Your Inner Critic: When you catch yourself making assumptions or rushing to conclusions, stop. Reflect. Curiosity should lead, not judgment.

4. Radical Acceptance: No matter how complex, confusing, or messy a client’s situation might seem, hold onto this truth: they are worthy of love and acceptance, exactly as they are. If they had all the answers, they wouldn’t be sitting in front of you — and that’s okay.

5. Start with Cognitive Empathy: Emotional empathy can take time to develop, but even stepping into a client’s shoes intellectually can open the door to deeper understanding and connection.

I often say this, and I stand by it: Treat each session as if it’s both the first and the last. Approach every encounter with the same freshness and reverence, because you never know which conversation will spark the breakthrough, or which moment will be the one that changes everything.

Therapy isn’t magic. It’s human connection at its most raw and honest. And sometimes, feeling truly seen is the most healing experience of all.