Thriving in Uncertainty: The Power of Self-Trust

“You are afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control. But you never had control; all you had was anxiety.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert

What do you do in the face of uncertainty?

Chances are you grip the steering wheel of life a little tighter. Probably a lot tighter, if we’re honest.

It turns out that the steering wheel isn’t attached to anything.

The alluring myth of control isn’t really true.

Trying to control the world and the people around you is an illusion. One that probably makes you feel better from time to time but is, in fact, causing you to contract, tighten and be less resilient in the face of change.

The real antidote to uncertainty isn’t control, it’s self-trust. It’s the unshakeable belief that you have the inner strength and resources to navigate whatever life throws your way.

That’s true strength.

We’ve been told that knowing is better than not-knowing. We’ve put such faith in planning and organising and shaping the future that we’ve lost our connection with the present moment. Not knowing makes us feel out of control and we hate it.

I hate it.

Every fibre in my being wants to try and get back in control.

Well, not every fibre. There is something, deep down in my belly, that knows. It knows I’ve got this. And something in my solar plexus that burns fiercely, knowing that I want this. And something in my heart that soars with possibility.

Because uncertainty is part of the ride. It’s where all the fun is. It might even be a gift .

I don’t really want to have everything figured out. What I want is to feel okay in the process .

The Answer Isn’t To Trust The Universe

You’ve probably been told that the answer is trust.

Usually in the form of “trust the Universe” or some other force ‘out there’.

And I can’t help but think that this reinforces the problem.

It continues to disempower you.

When you trust something “out there”, you sacrifice your agency and your knowing.

If you need to control what’s happening out there in order to feel good in here and if you can’t control out there, if we don’t know, then you should trust something else out there will make it better.

What if, rather than putting your trust and focus outside yourself, you turned inwards?

What would it be like to know that, whatever happens out in the world, you’ll be okay because you can trust yourself to find a way through?

Why Self-Trust Matters More Than Ever

Self-trust, in the face of the unknown, is a capability that you need to develop in the face of change and uncertainty. Regardless of whether that uncertainty was there all along, we are definitely feeling it more than ever.

Self-trust allows you to be comfortable with not knowing.

It frees you from the pressure of constant control and empowers you to make decisions with confidence, even when the future’s foggy.

Self-trust is the capacity to identify and meet your needs.

It’s recognising that you have survived 100% of your worst days and you’re still here.

You’re built to survive; generations of your ancestors survived in order for you to be here. It’s literally in your DNA.

Self-trust is the conviction that you will be kind and respectful to yourself, regardless of the outcome of your efforts.

It’s being aware of your thoughts and feelings and the ability to turn towards your experience, to express it and take responsibility for it.

Self-trust isn’t just about feeling good about yourself (although that’s a perk!). It’s a deep-seated belief in your ability to handle whatever life throws your way. It’s knowing that you’ve overcome challenges before, and you can do it again.

Self-trust is the key to resilience in a world that seems determined to keep us on our toes. It allows you to:

• Embrace change: Instead of fearing the unknown, you see it as an opportunity for growth and discovery. You’ll be more open to stepping outside your comfort zone and learning new things.
• Make decisions with confidence: Even in ambiguous situations, you know your back has your back. You won’t be paralysed by fear or the need for external validation.
• Bounce back from setbacks: When things don’t go according to plan, self-trust keeps you responsive and adaptable. You’ll view mistakes as opportunities for growth, not failures that define you.

Building the Muscle of Self-Trust

So how do you cultivate this powerful inner resource?

Here are some practical strategies that go beyond “listen to your gut” and might help build the muscle and habit of self-trust.

Befriend Your Discomfort

Notice the physical sensations of fear or anxiety in your body with as little judgment as possible. This awareness allows you to respond with curiosity rather than react impulsively.

Practice Acceptance

Reality is what it is; if we fight it we lose every time. Resisting it only creates tension. Acceptance isn’t passive. It’s turning towards what it is so you can make an informed choice. Doing acceptance may involve saying something like “this is my reality right now”, “this is how it is” or simply “yes” and relaxing your body.

Set Intentions, Not Ultimatums

This is where your freedom and agency live in balance with acceptance. Instead of trying to force a specific outcome, ask yourself: “How do I want to show up in this situation?” This empowers you to take positive action aligned with your values. I often like to pose this as a question to myself e.g. what would a little more pleasure be like?

Do Things That Scare You (a little)

Self-trust doesn’t just happen — it’s a skill that builds through repeated acts of courage. Stepping outside your comfort zone, even in small ways, builds confidence and demonstrates your inner strength. What “small thing” is the hardest for you today? Where are you hesitating? Take a deep breath and do it — count to 5 and do it. Then notice how you feel afterwards. Practise doing hard things and you’ll learn that you can do hard things.

Reframe Fear as a Signal, Not a Stop Sign

What if we looked at fear differently? After all, fear — or rather our discomfort at feeling it — is the driver of this need for control.

“Fear is simply a sign that you’re moving into unknown territory, not a signal to turn back. Unknown territory is the domain of discovery and the breeding ground for self-trust.” — Susan Campbell.

As one of my friends so beautifully put it, when we can find even a sliver of space between our experience of fear (the physical sensations) and our thoughts and judgements about our fear, we can feel the raw aliveness that is present. After all, you might notice that the sensations of fear aren’t that different to excitement.

Keep Promises to Yourself

Making a commitment and keeping it builds trust, whether with other people or yourself. You might commit to getting up at a certain time, or turning your phone off 30 minutes before you go to bed, or having a daily mindfulness practice. Maybe your commitment is to read a page of a book every day. Pick something specific, commit to it and follow through.

Stay Open to Learning

You’re human and you will make mistakes. You will break your commitments to yourself. That’s okay. Rather than beat yourself and call yourself all the names under the sun (yep, totally guilty of this one), ask yourself what this experience is teaching you. What can you learn here? Realising that it’s not only okay to make mistakes but that mistakes are a critical part of the learning journey helps build trust that you will survive failure and setbacks. See them as stepping stones, not setbacks.

Self-trust is a journey, not a destination. There will be good days and bad days. Experiment with these practices, find what works for you, and be kind to yourself along the way. Remember, the more you trust yourself, the more empowered you become to navigate the uncertainties of life and create a fulfilling future.

The world may be full of uncertainty, but you don’t have to feel powerless. By cultivating self-trust, you can navigate the unknown with confidence, inner strength, and a sense of adventure. Who knows, you might even enjoy it.

What’s one small step you can take today to build your self-trust? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!

Want to learn more about expanding your window of capacity? Develop the tools and strategies you need to cultivate grace under fire. Start with my free guide to Centring — when life knocks you off balance or check out my short self-study courses: Keeping It Together and Finding Calm .

Looking for personalised guidance and support? My 1:1 cyclical alignment coaching package offers a tailored approach to help you unlock your creative brilliance and embrace your excellence by following your own flow.

Schedule a free consultation to discuss your needs and see if 1:1 coaching is right for you.

Originally published at https://vixanderton.com on May 16, 2024.